


Traveling Back to You

by RamboBrite



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alzheimer's Disease, Angst with a Happy Ending, Caregiver Fatigue, Childhood Friends, Elderly Care, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Friends to Lovers, Girl next door, Growing Up Together, Jealous Ben Solo, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Soft Ben Solo, Young Ben Solo, Young Rey, author has listened to too much sixpence none the richer, boomerang ben solo, but they love each other - Freeform, childhood crush, minor past damerey, rey is a strong independent woman, she don't need no man but she wants one, sheev palpatine is a good grandpa, some mentions of minor character pregnancy, they are both idiots, timing is a bitch
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-29
Updated: 2020-08-21
Packaged: 2021-02-27 23:55:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 80,349
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22960573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RamboBrite/pseuds/RamboBrite
Summary: When Ben ends up living with his parents again, the last thing he expected was to come face to face with the girl next door. She's smart, funny, everything he wanted in a woman, but he could still remember her puking on him at his eleventh birthday party after eating too much cake.Rey was always like a little sister to him, but now, why can't he stop thinking about her?
Relationships: Finn/Rose Tico, Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 163
Kudos: 286
Collections: reylo trash





	1. Chapter 1

He was ten the first time he saw her. Ben Solo had heard crying while playing by himself in the backyard. She had been a scrawny little thing but had turned on him with ferocity when he asked her what she was crying about.

“N-nothing,” she had blubbered angrily. She talked with a funny lilt to her speech that he had only seen on TV shows.

He had never seen another kid in the conservative house of his next-door neighbor. All of his friends called Mr. Palpatine a crank, and it never occurred to him that this little kid actually lived with the angry old man. But here she sat behind his beat-up wooden shed, crying hard with snot dripping down her face in the process.

“Um, do you want-do you want a cookie or something?” he asked, trying to think of how his own mother had lulled him into a calm when he was a little kid. And she was definitely a little kid. She probably didn’t even know how to ride a bike without training wheels yet.

The girl stopped crying for a moment at the offer of sweets, rubbing her nose clean with the back of her hand. “O-okay.”

He held out his hand to her and she took it, ducking under the wooden split rail fence. Her hands were slightly sticky, but he didn’t mind. He led her back into his house and found the stool that his mom used to reach the top shelves. With it he grabbed the jar of cookies from the top of the refrigerator quietly so as not to wake his babysitter up; he knew he’d be in trouble if his parents got back and saw that he’d spoiled his dinner. He set it on the floor and took out a handful of chocolate chip cookies, the good soft ones from the store, and put them in the girl’s hands before delicately placing the jar back where it belonged.

“C’mon,” he whispered, and they tiptoed back out to the yard before they could be caught. They sat on the back steps and he asked, “So, do you know how to count yet?”

She looked offended by the question, saying with some fervor, “ _Of course,_ I can count. I’m six years old.”

“Well, you can have half of these then,” he said matter-of-factly as he gestured to their spoils. She looked at the pile with trepidation then. She might be able to count, but she hadn’t learned division yet, clearly. He sighed heavily, saying, “You just make sure that we have the same number.” This seemed to make sense and understanding dawned in her eyes. He helped her count out the cookies they had scavenged, but Ben was slightly disappointed to see he had picked out an odd number of them. He screwed his face up to think of what they would do and then decided it would be best to just split the last cookie between them. He broke it apart and even offered her the bigger half. That’s what you were supposed to do for littler kids.

“T-thank you,” she said shyly and took it from him.

“You’re welcome,” he replied. “Um, I’m Ben.”

“I’m Rey,” she said with a mouthful of cookie.

“Isn’t that a boy’s name?” he asked doubtfully.

She glared at him for the comment, responding forcefully, “No! It’s _my_ name.” He was taken aback at first and held his hands up in apology.

“So, why do you live with that old guy?” he asked, and she looked at the ground, her eyes starting to well with tears again.

“Erm, my mummy and daddy, well they aren’t here anymore. I got sent here to live with my grandpa, but…I don’t think he likes me very much,” Rey said, hugging her knees to her chest.

“Oh,” was all that Ben could think to say. He had both of his parents, even if they left him at home more often than not. He guessed that if his mom and dad were gone, he’d be pretty sad too. He awkwardly put an arm around Rey’s tiny shoulders, and she leaned into him.

“I like you, Ben. You’re nice,” she said softly. “Will you be my friend?”

He thought about this for a minute. Ten-year-olds weren’t supposed to be friends with little kids like Rey, but he figured as long as none of his other friends found out it wouldn’t matter. “Um, okay.”

* * *

Ben awoke face down in his cramped bed, in his cramped room, in a state of irritation that seemed never-ending these days. He blearily looked at the moving boxes that cluttered his boyhood bedroom and a fresh wave of anger washed over him. He couldn’t believe that at twenty-nine he was back living with his parents in Chandrila fucking Indiana.

He had been somebody, but that had been in New York before he had sunk his entire life savings into his tech startup and watched it go down in spectacular flames. Now he was just Ben Solo, boomerang loser who was going to have to help work in his dad’s garage just to save up enough to get back out on his own. He thought ruefully of the life he’d left behind him now that he was back in probably the most boring town in the entire Midwest.

His parents had been gracious enough to offer him a place as soon as they found out that he was completely broke, and he had been desperate enough to accept. He had only just arrived the night before after driving all day to get here. Apparently, the moving truck his parents had helped pay for had arrived first, and so now he was in a sea of his own possessions in a space that wasn’t big enough to house everything.

He couldn’t even get to the goddamn door to go take a piss without tripping on a box and he resentfully kicked one with his bare foot. That was a mistake, and he cursed at the impact. _Books,_ he thought absently through the pain. He really should have tried to sell some of this crap instead of dragging it several states away, because lord knows he could use the cash, but he had wanted to hold on to the idea that this situation was all temporary and he’d be in his own apartment again before he really had an opportunity to settle in. Upon further reflection, however, he realized how ridiculous this whole situation really was turning out to be. He made a mental note to sort through the boxes today and get rid of half of them.

But for now, he was happy just to navigate the maze to empty his overfull bladder. He stumbled to the bathroom, exhaling with a sigh of relief as the stream hit water, echoing in the tiny lavatory. The small bathroom smelled strongly of flowers and he thought that he had never once used a lavender air freshener when he had had a bathroom of his own. Finally, he was finished relieving himself and he turned to look at himself in the mirror. He could probably use a shave as his stubble was a dark shadow on his jaw, but almost couldn’t be bothered at this point.

He wandered back to his bed and felt like maybe he should just stay there all day, wallowing in self-pity. Would that honestly be so bad at this point? He tossed and turned for a bit before realizing that even if he wanted to, he wasn’t going to be able to fall asleep again. He supposed that now was as good a time as any to go through the mishmash of his possessions.

He spent the better part of the morning sorting through each box, putting his clothing and a few books aside to keep out in the room, but relegating the vast majority of his things to the curb or to the garage given his complete and total lack of space currently. He piled the boxes separately, no longer bothering to be careful with the ones he intended to toss. He got dressed now in a pair of cargo pants, a t-shirt with a hole in the armpit and a plaid button up shirt. It was a far cry from the suits and dress shirts Ben was used to wearing, but he figured that since he was going to be hefting the heavy boxes down the stairs that it was better to wear older clothing. All the same, with the stubble he was sure that it really just completed the pathetic effect. He carelessly picked up a couple of boxes at once, trying to navigate down the rickety stairs by feel and go out the back door to the garage. He was almost out the door when the family dog, Chewie, ran between his legs. The boxes went flying and he swore with impressive force at the sight. This was just too much to handle at this point and he continued with his tirade of expletives, not particularly caring who heard him. When he finished, he was breathing heavily and almost didn’t hear the female voice that called gently to him from just over the fence.  
  


“Ben?”

He looked over to see Rey staring at him from where she knelt in a flower bed, the sun shining off her dark hair. He immediately felt the blood rise to his cheeks and even tinge the tips of his ears underneath his shaggy black hair. She had apparently bore witness to his entire outburst and he felt beyond embarrassed at the display.

“Oh. Hi, Rey,” he managed to get out, not wanting to look her in the eye. She stood up, wiping a bead of sweat from her forehead and removed the dirty gardening gloves. Rey looked at the carnage caused by Chewie and at Ben, a sympathetic smile on her face.

“Erm, do you need some help?” she asked, and he looked down at her. “You seem a little…upset.”

“Uh, sure,” he replied, caught in the gaze of her hazel eyes. “I’m just trying to move some boxes to the garage.”

She hopped over the fence and looked up at him with a smile. “Just show me where.”

He walked back to the stoop, grabbing the newfoundland by the collar and dragging him to the laundry room so he wouldn’t get in the way again, as Rey trailed behind him. “Um, just up in my…bedroom,” he told her and with a creak they both ascended the stairs.

He pushed open the door and she stepped inside, looking around the room. “God, this brings back memories.”

“Yeah, bad ones,” he scoffed and there was something like hurt in her eyes after he said it. She quickly disguised it and glanced at the boxes the lined the walls and still took up most of the floor space.

“Oh, wow. What’s all this? Are you-are you moving back?” she said, her tone hopeful as she looked up at him.

“I guess so,” he said moodily, but softened at the expression she gave him. “For now, at least.”

She nodded and bent to pick up a box, “Ok, where is this one headed?”  
  


He picked up another and replied, “The garage. The ones over there,” he jerked his head, “are going to the curb.” Between the two of them it was quick work to get everything sorted in the garage and the rest hauled out to the front of the house by the mailbox.

Rey started to root about in the boxes of garbage, pulling out items for inspection. “Oh my god, you had one of these,” she said holding up a large copper cage with fake fruit inside. She looked through the rest of the things he was tossing before saying, “I thought only snooty rich people had half this pretentious crap.” He colored at her words, snatching the cold brew glass drip coffee maker from her and putting it back into the box she had pulled it from.

“I didn’t ask you to give me shit, Rey,” he said testily and could feel the blush creep into his ears again.

“Sorry, sorry,” she held up her hands in mock surrender. “Don’t get your knickers in a twist.” She was standing very close to him now and under the smell of sweat he could also smell something flowery that his mind offered up to be the scent of her perfume. His heart started to beat a little faster as he looked at her, dirty as she was from gardening and helping him. Her skin was the color of bronze and small freckles dotted across her nose.

“Um, thanks,” he said then, putting his hand on the back of his neck to stop himself from reaching out to touch the smudge of earth on her cheek.

“No problem,” she said cheerfully, and put her hand on his forearm. “That’s what friends are for, right?

“Yeah, friends,” he said, suddenly nervous. Her touch was like a flame to him in the heat that it spread on his skin.

“Listen, I’ve got some things to do yet this morning, but it’s, erm, it’s good to see you again, Ben,” she said, backing away and turning to go back to her house. “I’ll see you around then?”

“Uh, yeah,” he replied. He waved to her as she left and stood there dumbly for a moment after she’d disappeared. When his brain stopped short circuiting, he wondered why his parents hadn’t told him that Rey was back in town. What was she even doing here?


	2. Chapter 2

Rey followed her new friend around that entire summer. Her grandfather was often busy building ships in a bottle or watching television on the boxy screen in the living room, and each morning she would get herself dressed and wander down the steps to ask if she could go outside to play. Her grandpa would look at her for a moment then wave her off. She would skip out the door with this permission, off to go see what fun Ben could come up with for them.

She didn’t think that her grandpa really knew how to play since he was so old, and truth be told she hadn’t even known she _had_ a grandpa until a few months ago. It was as she sat trembling in a cold office after the grownups had told her that her parents had had an “accident”, that she wouldn’t see them again, and that she was being sent to America that she even met him.

She had held the hand of a really tall lady as she got off the plane, and he had been there to greet her. She cried a lot those days, and meeting this old man was no different. All she really wanted was a hug from her mummy and daddy but had been told multiple times that they were gone. She didn’t really understand why they had left, but just knew that something inside of her ached. The old man had taken one look at her crying and his face had puckered into a grimace like someone sucking on a lemon. The lady had pushed her towards him, and he picked up her little suitcase, so she supposed she would have to go with him.

The sting of loneliness bit at her the first couple days as she realized that he wouldn’t indulge her crying and didn’t know how to play tea party or pretend. The bedroom that he had said was hers now was stuffy and smelled like old people, and she hated it. Even his food was old people food. He had told her that he expected her to dress herself, take a bath every night by herself, and be at the table when the little hand pointed all the way down on the clock every single night. She was to have a “stiff upper lip”, whatever that meant.

So, it was no wonder that at the first opportunity she had found herself hiding away from her grandpa behind his old shed to cry. That was when he had found her. He was taller than her and skinny, and his ears sort of stuck out too far under his cropped black hair. But he had held her hand and given her sweeties and she supposed that must make him pretty nice.

After that she couldn’t be separated from him. Sometimes he seemed annoyed by her constant presence, but most of the time he seemed relieved to have company. She would sit in his backyard with him while he talked about his action figures, and once he even let her play with one called “GI Joe” but told her to be very careful. He called her a “little kid” but she sniffed at this thinking that he wasn’t _that_ much bigger than her.

Ben could always think up the best games for them, and she really liked that about him. Sometimes he would pretend that they were on a different planet, and she would sit in front of him on a log as he told her how he was blowing up enemy ships. When he described it like that, she could almost see it herself and she would laugh with delight.

She didn’t see his parents around very much, and he said that they normally came home really late after his bedtime. His babysitter was nice, but she didn’t know how to play either. Rey liked listening to Ben talk about things, and she thought he must be really smart. He read a lot of books, and sometimes if she was lucky, he would read them to her. She could read, but the books Ben liked had a lot of grown up words and few pictures, so she preferred to hear him tell her the contents.

Sometimes Ben wouldn’t be there when she knocked on the door, and she would wait patiently on his porch until he came back on his bicycle. He could go really fast, and she asked him if he would show her how to ride it. She had had a bicycle in London, but she never got to ride it very much before her parents’ accident, and she hadn’t been allowed to bring it with her. He hesitated at first, looking at her warily, and then relented.

“Fine,” he sighed, “if you’ll stop bugging me about it.” She had clapped her hands excitedly at first but quieted under his gaze. He walked the bike out to the street and held it up as she scrambled on. The bike was a bit big for her, but she could reach the pedals, so Ben continued. The bike wobbled under her as he tried to keep it steady. Ben talked out loud about how his dad had helped him learn and he tried to imitate it to the best of his memory.

The end result was that Rey did ride the bicycle…for about thirty seconds, and then made a spectacular show of falling on the pavement. Ben ran quickly over, panting as he reached her side to assess the damage. She was dangerously close to a full meltdown, but he had touched her hair comfortingly and helped her hop back to his house. He got into the medicine cabinet in the bathroom and pulled out the band-aids and a clear liquid that he said would sting. She had a scraped knee and a scraped hand, and she shut her eyes really hard when he poured the stinging stuff onto it. He held her hand while he did it and that helped her be strong. When it was all done, he put a big band-aid on her knee and some small ones on her hand.

Rey sniffled and said how it still hurt and he kissed her palm saying that’s how his mom made him feel better. She thought that it did feel a little bit better after that and impulsively gave Ben a hug. He patted her on the back a bit first, before trying to get her off of himself.

* * *

Rey walked back into her grandfather’s house after saying goodbye to Ben. God, she couldn’t remember the last time she’d actually talked with him. Sure, they’d seen each other in passing during the occasional holiday, but the last time the two had had anything actually resembling a conversation? Probably four years or so? It was before he’d left for New York.

She wandered over to her grandfather who was snoozing in his favorite chair and kissed the top of his head. Ever since he’d been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s he did that more and more. She was a bit sad that he had stopped trying to build his miniature ships, but for the most part he was still cheerful enough around her. She was the only one he seemed to be cheerful for, as he could be quite cantankerous with his doctor, or the mail man, or anyone who came to the door trying to sell him anything.

She sighed lightly as she began to prepare lunch for them, putting some soup on to boil and putting a kettle to steep for tea, and started to sort out her grandfather’s pills. He couldn’t remember which ones he needed to take anymore so she made sure to keep them out of his reach when it wasn’t time for him to take them. During this routine she let her thoughts drift back to Ben. He looked nearly the same as he had the last time they had spent any length of time together, but he’d let his dark hair grow out slightly. It covered his slightly large ears now, which she assumed had been the reason for the change. She smiled slightly at how upset he’d gotten at her teasing. They’d grown up together and she still enjoyed pushing his buttons; to be fair he made it too easy for her.

Once upon a time spending so much time with Ben probably would have left her tongue tied, but she wasn’t a teenager anymore mooning over the handsome older boy next door. She’d put her childhood crush firmly behind her during college and resolved that they should be friends. It was better that way, she thought. Ben had never felt the same way about her and had always viewed her like a little sister.

When her current set of chores was finished, she thought she might go back out to the garden. She hoped that if she planted some nice flowers and spruced up the backyard, she might be able to entice her grandpa to come out and sit in the sun for a bit. The doctor had told her at his last appointment that she should encourage him to get light exercise still and to maintain a routine.

At twenty-five she hadn’t expected that she would be a full time caretaker for her grandfather, but when he had called to tell her about his diagnosis a year and a half ago, she had immediately quit her job as a copy-editor in Chicago to move back in with him. It hadn’t been a question of choice in her opinion, and she was happy to spend the time with him. He hadn’t found out that he had the disease until he had gotten lost in their neighborhood, circling the block several times until his car had run out of gas, because he couldn’t remember which house was his. He didn’t usually have episodes that bad these days, and he told Rey that having her around helped him remember.

The routine was nice, but she did get a bit lonely at times with just her grandfather. She missed her friends in the city, especially Rose who had come from Chandrila with her. She glanced at the clock and pulled the soup off the burner, ladling it into a pair of chipped old bowls. She still remembered dropping one of them when she was very young and how worried she’d been that her grandfather would yell at her. Instead, he had actually understood and after picking up the broken pieces had told her that accidents happened. It was the first moment that she had thought that maybe living here with him might not be so bad.

With the past on her mind, she went to rouse Sheev from his stupor. He started awake and she stood back to give him space as he reacclimated to consciousness. He saw her and smiled, and she helped him to stand up and come to where she had prepared their meal. She gave him his lunch time medications and he thanked her.

“You’re a good girl, Rey. I don’t know how I’d manage without you to keep me in line,” he said, patting at her hand and she sat opposite him at the small breakfast table. “You remind me a lot of my Willie.” The sentence made Rey freeze. It was rare that her grandfather talked about his son, Rey’s father, in front of her. It had been a sore subject for both of them, to be honest. She supposed that his disease was dredging up more and more old memories for him as he started to lose his grip on the memories of the present.

Sheev and William had parted ways during the latter’s youth under circumstances that were less than amicable. She had gathered as much from what little her grandfather would tell her about him. He had married Rey’s mother, had a child, and then both had been killed by a drunk driver while Rey slept at home. Rey knew that one of Sheev’s greatest regrets was that he never got to reconcile with his son. It was probably why he had been such a devoted grandfather to her all these years. He had taken some…warming up, but after that he was hopelessly wrapped around the small girl’s finger.

The moment passed and her grandfather went to noisily slurping at the soup and obediently taking the pills that Rey had doled out for him.

“Grandpa, I was thinking after lunch maybe we could go to the park. You like feeding the birds, and some fresh air will be good for you,” she said trying to persuade him.

“No, no,” he replied, waving his hand dismissively, “I’m far too tired. But I wouldn’t mind if you read to me a bit.”

“Ok, grandpa,” she agreed. She had started to read for him when it became apparent that he couldn’t keep track of his place in a book by himself any longer. She loved to pull the classics out from her days at school and would tell him tales of Tolstoy, Dostoyevsky, Wilde and Dickens. He always liked the English writers the best and told her it reminded him of home.

This was the backdrop to her life, day in and day out. She didn’t mind very much, but after a time it did start to wear on her. At the end of the day after a similar scene for dinner, she tucked her grandfather into bed, making sure that his dentures were in solution and that his slippers were placed for the following morning, before heading to her job.

The days passed like this in the same fashion, but now her moments were punctuated by sightings of Ben. There he was going out to collect the mail, she might catch a glance of him through the window of the Solo household’s kitchen, a quick trip outside with the large brown dog. Every time he caught a glimpse of her, and she waved to acknowledge him, he seemed to retreat immediately back into the house. It was on the morning a few days after their reacquaintance that she came back after an early morning run to find him out with Chewie on a leash.

She took out the headphones she had been using upon seeing him and watched as he stiffened visibly. The corner of her mouth turned down in a half pout at this and she purposefully strode over to him.

“Hey, Ben, is everything ok? You seem like you don’t really want me around,” she said, and he looked like he wanted to be anywhere else. “If it’s about the other day, I’m sorry for teasing you. I didn’t think you’d take it so personally.”

“No,” he said abruptly and then softened his tone, “It’s not about that. I’m just not having…the greatest time these days…”

“Oh,” she replied, and who better than her could understand that feeling. “Well….” And she thought for a moment before landing on a suitable plan. Tonight was her night off, and she didn’t particularly feel like spending it at home again. “What if we go out this evening? It’ll get you out of the house, and I could use a breather too.”

“Uh,” he fidgeted, and she could see a pink flush creep onto his cheeks. “I don’t know if-”

“C’mon, Ben, it’ll be like old times again,” she pleaded. “Besides, if we’re going to have to be neighbors again, we might as well learn to be civil to each other. So, what do you say?”

He averted his gaze before saying, “Um, fine, ok.”

“Great!” she responded. “I’ll stop over around eight or so to grab you?” He nodded weakly and she turned to go back into her house.


	3. Chapter 3

When school started that fall, Ben had to be incredibly careful not to let his classmates know about the six-year-old that constantly followed him around. This was made increasingly difficult given that they took the same bus and went to the same school. He didn’t think he’d be able to live it down if they found out. Thankfully, he only needed to keep it up for the year, and then he’d go to the junior high and Rey would remain at the elementary school for another four years.

He had to make it very clear to Rey what the boundaries were when it came to school. He supposed that she understood, or at least well enough. She wasn’t to talk with him on the bus or at school, but if she was patient, he would walk her to and from the bus stop. And when they were at home, she was allowed to talk to, or rather _at_ him as much as she pleased.

She followed his rules, more or less, and after the first week he was treated to tales of her new classmates. She had made friends in her first-grade class with two other little kids named Rose and Kaydel. She told him how they were learning how to tell time, how to add and subtract and how to count money. He listened half attentively most of the time as she chattered, but enjoyed the company, nonetheless.

Whenever they had to cross the street, he would let her hold his hand, making sure they checked both ways first. He didn’t think she paid much attention by herself. When they were safely back to the confines of their front yards, he would finally allow her complete freedom to associate with him. He liked her company even if he objected to her constant presence in his life. She would come in to his house after school and sit at the table while they did homework.

Sometimes his parents would come home from work on time and see the two of them together. The little girl had grown on his parents who had been unable or unwilling to provide him with a younger sibling, and they doted on her and him by association when she was around.

Other times it was just the two of them, and Rey would ask for Ben’s assistance on her homework. He found her schoolwork easy in comparison to his own, and secretly liked when she told him that he must be very smart. Every evening she would run off at six and he’d be left alone again, wishing that she hadn’t had to leave so fast.

Their, or rather his, system seemed to work well, and the weeks slipped by quickly. It was as they walked together on one fateful October day that Ben looked up and saw an oncoming storm of bicycles. He tensed and dropped Rey’s hand and she looked at him with confusion.

The bicycles stopped in front of them as the riders saw who was walking along the sidewalk.

“Solo, what are you doing with that little crybaby?” the first boy demanded. Mitaka was the ringleader of the little band of bicycle terrorists and Ben had ridden with them before. He was too awkward to really enjoy their company though, even if they had taught him words that he knew would make his mother wash his mouth out with soap.

“Nothing,” he said obstinately, “She just lives next door to me.”

“Ben?” Rey questioned as she looked at him with confusion. Ben knew that this would happen if anyone found out he spent time with a little kid like Rey, but she hadn’t and clearly still didn’t understand. It had been like a game for her, so she had indulged him by playing along, but she had never seen why they couldn’t talk to each other openly.

“ _Beeen,”_ Mitaka mocked Rey’s tone and she shot him a dirty look as her tiny hands balled into fists. “What is she your _girlfriend_?”

Ben couldn’t have stopped what happened next even if he had wanted to. Rey had a temper like a firecracker and even if she didn’t quite understand the implications of what the boys were asking, she understood enough to know they were picking on her friend. The six-year-old leapt onto the boy with a ferocity he hadn’t expected and tackled him to the ground, pounding him with her little fists.

“Leave. My. Ben. Alone,” she cried out, before being forcibly removed from Mitaka by some of the other boys. Ben could no longer stand idly by and joined in the fray to protect Rey. The result was that the small gang was scared away, but Ben now had a split lip and black eye in service of his fiery companion. She was relatively unscathed, just a few grass stains. She didn’t seem chastened by the encounter at all and kept going on about how Ben had been really brave.

“Why did you do that Rey?” he asked, cutting off her tirade as his eye throbbed and his lip stung. “You’re so stupid sometimes.”

“Ben?” she asked for the second time that day, but now tears were brimming in her eyes.

“I told you this would happen,” he sulked, his pride hurt alongside his face. Now he would have to face the whispers of all of the other fifth graders tomorrow.

“But they were being really mean,” Rey said, and he could tell she didn’t yet understand the delicate power balance of the older classes. “They were picking on you.”

“I don’t need your help,” Ben shot at her and then immediately regretted it as she burst into tears. He sighed and relented, “Stop crying, please. Um, my mom bought snacks; I can give you some when we get home if you want.” Like a switch had been flipped she dried her tears and joined him happily.

That night his mother caught sight of his appearance and demanded to know why he looked like he’d been fighting. He sullenly refused to answer her questions; he didn’t want to get Rey in trouble. He was rewarded for his nobility with a week’s long grounding and a threat of a cancelled birthday party if he kept up his attitude. His dad upon seeing him didn’t comment but clapped him on the back later that night saying he hoped “the other guy looked worse”. Ben just nodded and accepted the praise.

* * *

Ben looked at the clock on the wall, seven thirty. He looked in the mirror and grazed the razor over his jaw, getting rid of the dark shadow of stubble that had been on his chin. He tapped it into the sink and rinsed his face off when he finished, letting the grey stream wash down the drain. He had dug out a dark sweater from one of the boxes of clothing and hoped that it didn’t look too formal for an evening in Chandrila. Ben even put a splash of cologne on for good measure.

He heard a knock on the door downstairs and cursed when he heard the tell-tale signs of his mother answering the door. Hadn’t she said eight? He tugged the sweater over his t-shirt and double checked to make sure he’d gotten all of the shaving cream off of his face.

Ben looped around the corner to descend the stairs as he heard his mother exclaim, “Rey, it’s lovely to see you. Oh, Ben? Let me go get him for you. Oh, I haven’t seen you two together since you were both in school.”

“I’m here,” he bellowed out, before his mom could start to bring up any embarrassing memories from their shared childhood. The last thing he wanted was her reminding Rey about the time he had split his pants while trying a particularly difficult stunt on his bicycle.

Rey looked up from the doorway and he was slightly disappointed to see her in jeans and a casual blouse. She didn’t look like she suspected this to be a date and now he wished desperately that he had time to go back up and change into something a bit more casual.

“Well, you clean up nicely,” she said with smile and he looked away from her teasing gaze. “I hope you’re not too upset that we’re just going to Maz’s.”

“No, no, that’s fine,” he replied, stepping into the landing. His mom took him into a hug then, and he felt her press something into his palm. He looked discreetly at the twenty-dollar bill and wanted to disappear into the floor. He tried to give it back to her, but Rey was watching, and his mother gave him a look that brooked no argument. Is this what he’d been reduced to? Taking money for dates from his parents again like he was fifteen? He moodily stuffed his hands in his pockets then, hoping that Rey hadn’t caught wind of the exchange.

They walked out into the evening air and Rey stretched her arms over head, letting just a small patch of her tanned midriff show in the process.

“So, who’s car are we taking?” he asked to distract himself from that brief flashing of skin, and she turned to look at him quizzically.

“Why bother? We can just walk, it’s not that far and it’s a nice night,” she said. “We used to do it all the time when we were kids.” He felt like grumbling, but she was right. The little diner wasn’t even a mile from their street. Instead he let out a sigh and followed behind her. He wondered how she could have so much energy still.

They walked along in relative silence to the diner. Ben wondered if he should try to take her hand or if she’d see it as too forward. He struggled with this dilemma until they reached the parking lot of Maz’s and it was a non-issue. When they got there, they took a familiar booth by the window and placed their orders. Or rather, Rey remembered his regular order and placed it and hers for them. As they waited, Ben kept trying to think of what he should say to her, but somehow it seemed a little forward to say, _‘You’re probably my dream girl, want to get married and have my children?’_ Especially considering he had nothing to offer her.

She turned to him with her full attention, knocking him out of his reverie. “So, Ben, you’re not going to spend all evening ignoring me, right? Because if I wanted that I could have stayed home.”

He looked taken aback by her statement and tried to refute the question but was at a loss for words. She was teasing him again, he knew, but he suddenly couldn’t remember how to speak.

She softened a bit, looking away from him. “Listen, I know it’s been a while since we hung out, but it really shouldn’t be this hard to make conversation. We used to talk all the time, and I was hoping that we were still friends after all this time.”

“Oh, um,” he replied, realizing that she was taking his inability to speak to her as anger or coldness. She had no idea that it was because he didn’t think he’d seen another person that was as beautiful as her.

Their food order arrived, allowing him a momentary reprieve to try to figure out something, _anything_ to say to her. He scrambled, trying to keep himself from a total nosedive that evening. “Of course, we’re still friends, Rey. I’m just a little…distracted, lately.”

“Oh, good,” she breathed a sigh of relief. “Do you- do you want to talk about it with me? You don’t seem very happy to be back here.”

“I’m not,” he said, and it was like all the pent-up frustration about his entire situation flooded out, and he gave her the entire tale.

He told her about how his entire tech company had been completely mismanaged into the ground. It had been his passion project, and he had sunk everything he owned into it on the advice of their financial advisor, Anthony Snoke. Snoke constantly told them that everything was fine, they were making money until the notices started to come in about debts not paid. Ben hadn’t gone to school for business, he had gone to school to change the face of the future; how could he be blamed for not realizing that his company was bleeding money? And then it had been too late, and he had lost the company, all of his money and everything that he had worked to build in New York.

“Now I have to go to work at the Falcon just to be able to pay my parents back for helping bail me out,” he said sullenly, pushing his fries around on his plate. “I can’t believe I’m back here.”

“I’m sorry, Ben,” she said and reached out to touch his forearm again. He looked at her hand on his and enjoyed the soft pressure. “That must have been incredibly difficult for you.”

He cleared his throat then, pulling his arm away from her grasp as he tried to change the subject, “So, what about you? I thought you were off to be some big hotshot editor, or whatever.”

“Oh,” she said and now she was the one who looked uncomfortable. “Well, I quit.”

“You…quit?” he asked, puzzled by the news. “Why would you quit? I thought that was your dream.”

“Well, sometimes dreams have to change,” she said, clenching onto her cutlery. “I came back to take care of my grandpa. He-he’s sick and he needs me to take care of him. It’s the least I can do since he took me in as a kid, raised me as his own and all that. So, I quit.”

“Well, couldn’t just you find someplace for him?” Ben asked, wondering why Rey would have abandoned a dream she’d had since they were teenagers.

She gave him a hard look then, and he felt something clench in his stomach. “ _Find_ someplace for him? You mean, just write him off and abandon him at some-some _home_ so he can die like he’s not my problem?”

“Rey, that’s not what meant,” he said, holding his hands up and trying desperately to backpedal.

“What the hell happened to you, Ben? You used to care about people,” she said and threw down her napkin. She reached into her pocket and pulled out a crumpled twenty and put it on the table before storming out of the restaurant.

Ben had never gotten up so quickly in his life as he did then, and ran after her, avoiding the stares of the regular customers.

“Rey, wait!” he called and with his long strides easily overtook her. He grabbed at her elbow then and she yanked it out of his grasp, rounding on him. He panicked then and did the only thing he could think to do and put his hand over her mouth like they were children again. This enraged her further and she tried to push his hand away, but he interjected, “Wait, stop. I’m sorry, ok? That was…a really stupid thing to say.” She calmed slightly and pushed his hand from her mouth.

“Yeah, it really was,” she replied, but then took a deep breath, “But, I’m sorry for overreacting. It’s just…you’re not the first person to ask me that. I think I’m a bit sensitive.” She looked like she would start crying again, and he hadn’t thought that the night could get worse but having an angry Rey and then a crying Rey seemed like a good start. “It’s just been really hard; I haven’t had anyone to talk to about all this.”

And then she was hugging him around the middle and he looked down at her with surprise as she sobbed into his sweater. He let his arms drop around her then and shushed her while stroking her hair and her back. Now he felt like a complete asshole for droning on about his problems all night.

“Hey, it’s gonna be ok,” he said softly, and she looked up at him with puffy eyes. “C’mon, I have an idea.” She looked skeptically at him as he backed away, but he gestured her to follow him and held out his arm to her. She cocked her head and hesitantly took his hand with her own. He led her then with surprising quickness, and he turned to find that she was struggling to keep up. 

“Oh, shit, sorry,” he said then, and slowed his pace. She looked relieved at him and a then understanding of where they were going washed over her eyes. He had taken her to the little ice cream shop down the way. He dropped her hand then, after realizing he was still holding it. “Um, ice cream. We used to do this, right?”

She nodded and smiled at him then, despite her reddened eyes. “Yeah, I think you always got uncomfortable when I was upset, and your go-to strategy was to just ply me with sugar until I stopped crying.”

He laughed then and replied, “Well, it worked, didn’t it?” She snorted but didn’t contradict him. They looked inside the ice cream shop, however, and saw that the employees were cleaning up. “Damn, well there goes that idea.”

“Not so fast,” she said, grabbing his arm before he could turn to leave. Rey walked to the glass and rapped her knuckles on it lightly to get the attention of the two teenaged boys inside. They looked out and recognized her, eagerly coming to the door and unlocking it.

“Rey,” the first boy said, “What are you doing here?”

“Well, we were hoping to get some ice cream, but it looks like you guys are closed,” she sighed heavily and looked as if she was about to leave.

“Wait!” the second boy, a head full of long curls and a pair of thick glasses stopped her, “Um, we can help you out.”

“Oh my god, you two are lifesavers,” Rey said breathing out heavily. “My friend, Ben, here was so completely forgetful and he made us late getting here.” The two teens eyed Ben shiftily and let the pair inside.

“So, we never see you anymore, Rey,” the first boy pouted, “You should come hang out with us more often.”

“Well, I would, Kaz, but you know I’m pretty busy these days,” she said, and batted her eyelashes at the kid. Ben wasn’t sure exactly what was going on here. “Anyway, can I get one mint chocolate chip cone and one butter pecan, please?”

The second boy gave Ben a hard look as he scooped the ice cream. “Isn’t butter pecan what old people eat?”

“Well, we are old people,” Rey laughed before Ben could offer a retort or tell the little brat where exactly he could stick that ice cream scoop. “Anyways, how much do I owe you guys?”

“On the house,” the first boy said, leaning over the counter.

“Three nineteen,” the second boy said pointedly to Ben. He pulled the twenty out of his pocket and thrust it at the pimply faced jerk and waited for his change. The boy handed it to him and then looked at him expectantly.

“What?” he asked, not sure how this entire thing could be more bizarre, and the boy looked at a tip jar. He looked at Rey, hoping for her support, but she just gave him a look that said, ‘ _Are you really not going to tip after they served us after hours?’_ He closed his eyes and breathed out heavily, his patience already worn incredibly thin. With reluctance he dropped a five into the tip jar and grabbed Rey’s hand to leave.

“Thanks, guys!” she called over her shoulder, and they both waved cheerily at her. She waited until they were around the corner before bursting completely out into laughter.

“Do you want to explain what the fuck just happened?” Ben asked her as she continued giggling. “Who were those punks?”

She wiped a tear from her eye and said, “That was Kaz and Neeku; I used to babysit them in high school. They _may_ have had crushes on me back then, which explains all of _that_. Let’s call it even between us now. And did you seriously just call them punks? I think they might have been onto something, Ben. You might be old now.”

“I’m not _that_ old,” he complained, and she grinned at him. He responded by pointedly eating his butter pecan ice cream then to ignore her teasing.

“No, you’re not,” she relented, “Because if you’re old, then that means I’m old too. Anyway, feel like staying out a bit longer?”

He looked at her and nodded his acquiescence. She was in charge of their trajectory again and she led them in a lazy loop around the downtown area.

“So, Ben, I’m afraid to ask, but how many broken hearts did you leave behind you in New York?” she asked, and he could hear the teasing tone of her voice.

He thought about it for a moment and chose to answer her question honestly. “None as far as I know. There were… a couple people, but no one worth mentioning. What about you? You were dating that one guy last time we saw each other. Is that still a thing?”

“Who, Poe? Oh god, no,” she laughed. “He’s a friend now, sure, but nothing more. We weren’t great together, we’re much better as just friends.”

“No other boyfriends?” he asked, holding his breath.

“No, my grandpa’s routine doesn’t exactly leave a lot of time for romance,” she laughed, and he tried not to look incredibly relieved. They walked along in companionable silence again for a while until a buzz on her cell phone made her nose crinkle and her eyebrows furrow.

“What’s going on?” he asked her as he noticed her agitation.

“Oh,” she replied distractedly, “I just get texts if my grandfather gets out of bed in the night. It’s probably nothing, but I should probably go back just in case. Normally he sleeps through the night.”

“Well, let me walk back with you then,” he replied, and she nodded. The walk back seemed shorter somehow, and then she was rushing into the door.

She turned to look at him and said quickly, “Just give me a second ok?” He stood around in the porch light at her command, shifting his weight from foot to foot until she returned. She was slightly out of breath and said, “False alarm. He probably just got up to use the bathroom. He’s back in bed now.”

“Oh, good,” Ben said awkwardly. Rey looked up at him then and he felt the air seize in his lungs. She was fidgeting as well as he stood around.

“I, erm, I had a nice time tonight, Ben, all things considered,” she said, and he looked at the earnest expression on her face. “So, thank you.”

“Yeah, you too,” he replied dumbly, and could feel her getting closer. He was about to close his eyes and lean into her when his phone went off loud enough to startle them apart. He read the contact name and shot an angry look at his house for the traitorous phone call. He quickly silenced it and stuffed it back into his pocket, but the moment was over. She was already getting ready to head back inside and all he could think to say was, “Um, good night, Rey.”

“Night, Ben,” she said, and he hurtled back towards his house. Shame and defeat washed over him. Oh God, he’d choked. Completely choked. His moment had been _right_ there. He didn’t think he’d choked that hard since…well junior high to be frank. He slammed the door behind him, and his mother looked up from the couch.

“Ben? I just tried to call you; I thought you were still out with Rey,” she said, and he tried not to glare at her. “I wanted to know if you’d get us some milk while you were out, but since you’re already home I can just pick it up in the morning.”

“Great, thanks,” he replied crossly and stalked upstairs to relive probably the most embarrassing moment of his adult life in excruciating detail.


	4. Chapter 4

“Your parents are fighting again?” Rey said softly from over the fence. Her grandfather had asked her to take some tools back out to the shed and in doing so she had seen Ben moping on the back steps of his house. He nodded with a look that flashed between angry and sad. At nearly fourteen he had managed to shoot up several inches over the summer and towered above her when he was standing, but while sitting he still just looked like a sad kid to her.

He was in the last year of junior high, and next year he’d be in high school. His voice cracked more and more often these days, and Rey always found it a little bit funny. Ben didn’t generally agree with her humorous opinion and glared at her if she teased him about it.

At nine, she was still small enough to duck under the fence and came to sit by him on the stoop. “What are they fighting about now?”

“I don’t even know anymore,” he said bitterly, “Something stupid probably.”

During the last three years Rey had learned to listen, but mostly because she liked to listen to Ben. He told her about things that she normally wouldn’t have been able to learn from her classmates or her grandpa. She would ask him questions about life or about the things that were still only really whispers in elementary school and he never lied to her or treated her like she was a baby.

He had told her some weeks back about the time that he had kissed a girl from his class at a party. Rey had of course seen kissing on TV, but it had always seemed like such a strange idea and she couldn’t understand why people would _want_ to do it, until Ben had told her. He had said it was like you were a whole other person, floating above yourself and for a moment the person you were kissing felt the same way. She supposed that that did seem sort of nice.

“Ben, do you think anyone will ever want to kiss me?” she had asked innocently enough, and he seemed thrown off by the question slightly.

“Um, yeah, probably some day. When you’re older,” he had replied. He said “when you’re older” a lot to her, but when she told him about the problems of a nine-year-old and listened, he always seemed to have the best advice on how to fix everything.

If she listened, he told her the best swear words but only on the condition that if she got caught, she wouldn’t say it was him who had taught her. She readily promised and spread the knowledge to her friends on the playground who would giggle and gasp at her “bad words”.

Nights like tonight, though, she liked to listen to him because when she did it seemed like he felt better for the telling. And sometimes if she was really lucky, he would hold her hand like he had when she had been small.

“It’s just that sometimes I feel like they’re fighting because of me,” he admitted and looked dejectedly at the ground, putting his hands in his dark hair. She sat patiently as his hand drifted down to hers and she liked the way it felt.

She felt bad when she saw him like this but had a hard time find the words to help him. “I’m sorry, Ben,” was all she could get out. She privately thought that mummies and daddies shouldn’t make their kids sad like this but didn’t know how to say that without making Ben mad at her. Instead she listened to him talk about how he wished he could go away sometimes and never come back.

“Where would you go?” she asked him curiously. She had of course come from very far away herself, but that was before she had come to Chandrila. Now it seemed like her entire world, and ‘away’ was a foreign concept.

“Anywhere but here,” he said, anger in his voice.

“Will you-will you take me with you?” she inquired hesitantly, and he gave her that funny look when she asked something that he didn’t have the answer to.

“Maybe someday. When you’re older.”

She wanted to continue talking with him until a stern voice called out the backdoor, “Rey, child, where’d you run off to?”

“Coming, grandpa,” she called and gave Ben’s hand a squeeze before leaping up and running back into her own home. She spent the evening with her grandfather helping to build the ships in a bottle that he liked so much. It had become part of their after-dinner ritual ever since he had noticed that she had steady hands and sharp eyes to do some of the painting that he couldn’t do any longer. She felt very grown up indeed with the responsibility. Her mind tonight, though, was distracted by her friend sitting on his stoop. She knew that Ben would make his way back inside eventually, but she was impatient tonight.

She started to yawn loudly, and her grandfather looked up, removing the magnifying lens from his glasses. “Tired, my girl?”

“Yeah, I’m sorry, grandpa, school was really long,” she lied, feeling slightly bad about the fib.

“Well, head to bed then; this can wait until tomorrow,” he said sympathetically, and she nodded before giving him a hug and heading up to her room. Her room as it happened faced Ben’s, a fact that hadn’t taken either of them long to figure out. Sometimes during the lazy summer months, they would keep their windows open and see if they could send notes on paper airplanes back and forth. They had become quite proficient at this point, but their first few attempts had meant waking up early to dispose of the evidence before their guardians could become wise.

She undressed and put her pajamas on quickly and then was in the window of her bedroom, waiting until she saw him finally come in. He kicked something hard and sat down before facing the window and catching sight of her. He perked up slightly and lifted his window.

They could almost talk at a normal volume like this and he said in a loud whisper, “What are you doing?”

“I told my grandpa I was tired,” she hissed back, and he nodded. She scribbled in her notebook asking, _‘Is everything ok now?’_ and sent it flying into his room.

A few minutes later her note flew back, and she read, _‘They’ve stopped yelling at least.’_ They passed the same airplane back and forth until it was crumpled and probably wouldn’t survive another trip. The last thing they sent to each other was one that read _‘Goodnight Ben’_ and _‘Goodnight Rey’._

* * *

Rey thought about her night with Ben quite a lot during the next few days. She surprised herself by flirting with him, and she had thought maybe there was _something_ there between them, but when the time came and she had hinted for him to kiss her, he had left. She supposed she shouldn’t be too surprised and it only confirmed that Ben did in fact only see her as the little girl who had ate too much birthday cake, and after being spun too many times whilst trying to hit the pinata his mother had bought had managed to throw up on him.

Even if that was the case, though, she found that she had still enjoyed herself more than she had in months. It was a welcome reprieve from the day to day trudge that consumed most of her waking hours. Wake up, serve breakfast, run errands, serve lunch, clean the house, serve dinner, put Grandpa to sleep, go to work. And on and on it went.

And now that they had broken the ice that had formed over their friendship, she found that Ben was at least civil if not completely friendly to her when she saw him. Now he would wave back instead of immediately making a beeline for the front door of his parents’ house.

As the days passed by though, she wondered absently if she had gone too far the other night, put herself _too_ far out there and had given him cause to regret their renewed acquaintance. It was as she was worrying over this thought for the hundredth time that her phone buzzed. She looked at it skeptically; she wasn’t expecting anyone to get a hold of her and the doctors all called on her grandfather’s landline phone.

She was surprised to read the message on her phone from a number she didn’t recognize.

> > **_Unknown:_** Hey. It’s Ben

She contemplated the message for a moment and then glanced out the window the house next door before typing back.

> > ** _Rey:_** Hey back. How’d you get my number?

It was a fair question since he’d never actually asked for it. It’s not that she would have denied it to him, but it was still…odd. It took several minutes to receive a response and she wondered if the question had scared him off. Maybe she should have put a smiley face at the end.

> > **_Ben_** : I may have swiped it from my mother’s contacts. Hope you don’t mind.
> 
> > **_Rey:_** Wow, I didn’t know they taught you common thievery in New York. For shame ;) You could have just asked though.

She was smiling at herself as she typed out the response and hit send. Another couple of minutes before her phone buzzed again.

> > **_Ben:_** Probably, but that would have been too easy.
> 
> > ** _Rey:_** Heaven forbid. Speaking of too easy, you know you live less than 30 feet away, right? We could just have a conversation like normal people.
> 
> > ** _Ben:_** Probably. But I’m more charming over text. It stops me from putting my foot in my mouth.
> 
> > **_Rey:_** Charming is what we’re calling it, huh?
> 
> > **_Ben:_** Something like that. “Not an asshole” is what I’m really going for.

She laughed out loud at this and the pair continued to text back and forth that evening. He gave her a play by play of the reactions that Han was having to the football game, and Rey could practically see the way that his father was yelling at the referee. She told him about how her grandfather had grandfather had gone to bed early, and she was just catching up on chores before going to work. She finished folding the laundry she had washed and looked at the time. Speaking of work, she was now running behind.

> **_> Rey:_** Ok, radio silence now. Work calls. Ttyl.

She looked at the four words at the end and took a deep breath. Texting was pretty _casual_ , she thought. Nothing to see here and she was sure that there was nothing on his end either, but the thought of talking to him later gave her a little thrill all the same as she shoved her keys in her pocket and started up her car. It was making a noise and her check engine light had been on for some time, but she tried to ignore it. Her grandfather was on a fixed income and she barely made enough at her job to cover her own expenses, let alone something like a car repair.

The next evening, she stretched after a long day of scrubbing down every surface in the kitchen and looked over to see Ben sitting on the stoop sipping a beer.

“Hey,” she called out and he looked up and nodded at her in acknowledgement. She took this as encouragement enough and jumped the fence. He took up most of the step now, but he scooted over to allow her space and she sat down in a way that she’d done at least a thousand times before.

She wrinkled her nose at the cheap domestic he was drinking and laughed, “Where did you even get that?”

“It’s one of my dad’s,” he said and took another drink, “Want one?”

She thought about it for a moment before shrugging, “Sure, I guess. But only so you don’t look so sad drinking alone out here.” He rolled his eyes at this and got up silently before coming back with another brown bottle. She popped the cap on the side of stoop, and he looked at her with questioning eyes.

“When’d you learn to do that?” he asked, and she smiled.

“Second year of college,” she said with a grin, “Poe and Finn taught me, and I have used the knowledge to its best advantage ever since.” She felt him stiffen slightly beside her at the mention of her college friends but didn’t comment. Instead she asked, “So what’s got you so down today?”

“Not down, tired. My dad had me changing oil and rotating tires all day,” he said, and she noticed the smudge of grease still on his chin. “It took me an hour to get clean.”

“Oh, you poor thing,” she teased, and she felt him glower as he poked her hard in the ribcage. She jumped slightly because it tickled, and she laughed. “Okay, okay, calm down. Were you always this emotional?”

“Only when provoked,” he said, but seemed to lighten up a bit. They sipped in silence for a while and Rey let the sour flavor of the beer wash over her tongue.

“Hey,” she said, having an idea, “If you want, my grandpa’s in bed now. We could watch a movie or something. I wouldn’t mind the company.”

“Uh,” he started, and she felt something drop in her stomach at his hesitation.

“You don’t have to if you don’t want,” she said. “It was probably a d–“

“No, I want to,” he said abruptly, cutting her off. “I mean, sure, a movie sounds nice.” She breathed a sigh of relief and hopped off the step. She held her hand out to him and he took it hesitantly. She helped him steady himself upright. His hands were large and warm in hers, and she liked the feeling. She missed his grasp when she dropped his hand to hop back over the fence.

She hadn’t really had Ben in her home before; her grandfather had never really taken to him. This was a relatively new experience for her, and she watched him take in the surroundings. She gestured for him to walk into the living room and closed the door behind them.

“Do we have to be quiet?” he whispered, looking at the staircase that wound up to bedrooms.

“No,” she said at normal volume, laughing a bit. She found it endearing that he cared enough to not wake her grandfather. “Once Grandpa has his hearing aids out, he sleeps like the dead.”

“Oh good,” he said and seemed slightly embarrassed. Rey sat onto the worn-out couch with a plop and Ben sat down next to her. He leaned back and stretched his rather long arms out on either side of him. Rey sat back and curled her feet under her as she turned on the TV, scanning through the channels.

Finally, she found a marathon of cheesy action flicks that she thought Ben might appreciate. They joked back and forth about some of the more outrageous plots and for a bit it felt like old times. As she reclined on his chest though she could feel all of his muscles tauten and felt herself sinking into that pit of despair. She had been foolish, she thought, to think that she was completely over him, but now she felt even more foolish for trying to force her crush onto him. She supposed the only way to save face at this point was to try to laugh it off, make light of it and hope that would be enough to salvage their friendship.

With that she cleared her throat while sitting up to give him space. “This really feels like old times, huh?”

“What? Oh, yeah, I guess,” he said absently and looked down at her.

“It’s probably better than old times though now that I’ve stopped falling over myself for you,” she joked, even though the words stung her pride and wounded the part of herself that wanted him to refute her words.

“What?” he said, looking incredibly confused by the admission.

“Yeah, I mean, I had the biggest crush on you when I was a teenager,” she said, too far into the tale to turn back. “It’s pretty embarrassing in hindsight. I must have made such a fool of myself.”

“Y-you did?” he stuttered and looked like she had hit him upside the head.

“Yeah, but I guess it’s good that you were such a gentleman and took it in stride,” she sighed, “I appreciate that, Ben. I think we’re probably better off the way we are at this point. You’re like my older brother or something.”

“Y-yeah,” he said and went back to looking at the TV. Somehow saying everything made Rey feel even worse, and she leaned back onto the couch. Ben was silent the rest of the night and as the movies drew on, she felt her eyes grow heavy. She slumped over, trying not to make it obvious how comforting the feel of him next to her was or how she liked the way his cologne smelled.

  
She wasn’t sure when she had fallen asleep exactly, but the alarm on her phone woke her up at her usual six in the morning. A passing thought made her wonder when Ben had gone home. She groped for the blaring clock that told her to start her day and found to her surprise that she was covered in a blanket.


	5. Chapter 5

Ben came home after football practice tired, sore and dirty. He didn’t mind though. When he had hit high school, he had begun to channel the anger that he felt at his parents into sports. Every kind that allowed him to unleash his aggression. If he was playing basketball, he was the forward, and he enjoyed playing football if it meant he got to hit something. At first, he had been too tall, too lanky to really be any good at the game, but the summer before he turned seventeen something in his build changed and he began to fill out his long form with solid muscle. The baby fat that had rounded out his face gave way to the sharp contours of the chiseled jaw of manhood. Now he was being pushed by the coach to figure out his new more involved role on the team in the new school year.

Something else had changed for Ben as well. Because of the changes in his appearance, what had used to come across as shy or awkward was now perceived by the female students of Chandrila High School as brooding and mysterious. Now when he walked down the halls of school, girls who he had gone to school with since they were all children would stop and giggle at him, blush and wave. There was something that he liked about that quite a bit.

Because of his grueling sports schedule, he was around less and less during the evenings at home. This meant that he could usually skip over any fights his parents had, but it also meant that he saw less and less of Rey. She was always happy to see him though, and at twelve had begun to shoot up to nearly her full height.

Sometimes she would have her little friends over, Rose and Kay, and he would look at them in the backyard of her grandfather’s house as he stepped inside to go shower after practice. He might give them a wave or a smile, and he would watch as they too began to erupt in the nervous giggling that seemed to follow him around these days. Rey was different though. She would follow him around like normal, pestering him like she always had, and he would indulge her because he liked her company.

After he got his license, and his father gifted him an old car that he’d had to painstakingly rebuild with him, he would even drive her to the junior high in the mornings, the longest they really saw each other anymore. He no longer worried what anyone thought about his continued association with her; in fact, these days it usually garnered him sympathy points with the girls in his class who crooned at his saying that she was his little sister.

Tonight, as he walked up the driveway, covered in sweat and grime, he could hear the sounds of shouting from inside the house. He sighed, too exhausted to be angry at this point. Ben saw Rey sitting on her front porch reading a book and veered away from his own house to come plop beside her, tossing his football helmet into the grass. She was startled out of the reverie that comes with an engrossing book and looked up at him, her face lighting into a smile at his presence.

“Hey kid,” he said and bumped her lightly.

“I’m not a kid,” she sniffed, and he laughed.

“You’ll always be a kid to me,” he said, and she looked in her lap pensively. She fiddled with the pages of her book, and they sat in companionable silence for a while.

She looked at him after a time, as if struggling to say something for a while, then blurted out, “Bobby from the eighth grade tried to kiss me today.”

“Oh,” he said then, blinking slightly at the revelation. He supposed it was to be expected, but he had never really thought about little Rey and boys before. There was something in him that didn’t really like the thought. She was just so _young_ , and he reasoned that she shouldn’t be kissing boys yet. “So, what did you do?”

“I pushed him down and ran home,” she replied, as if this was the most natural response to an attempt at a first kiss. “I mean, he didn’t even ask me if he could. He just sort of…came at me.”

Ben laughed at the mental image, and then looked down at her with her hair in double braids the fell over her shoulders. “Do I need to go have a talk with this kid for you?”

“No,” she said suddenly, “I can handle it. I just…I didn’t want my first kiss to be with Bobby Hayes,” she made a face, “in front of the whole school.” He silently breathed a sigh of relief that she wasn’t making a habit of kissing pimply faced junior high schoolers.

“What will you do the next time someone tries to kiss you?” he asked and watched her think seriously about this question.

“I don’t know. If they’re _nice_ …and they ask me first… maybe, I’ll let them. But I want it to be special. With someone I really like,” she said, and he watched the blush creep over her cheeks. “And who really likes me too.”

“I’m sure you’ll find someone like that,” he replied, and ruffled her hair, “when you’re older.” She had a little pout on her face at his words, and he got up, noticing the silence from his house. “Anyways, I’m going to head home. I need to shower still.”

“Yeah,” she teased then, “You kind of stink, Ben.”

He smiled and swiped a hand across his sweaty arm and then held it out to touch her. She shrieked with laughter as she scrambled up the stairs and out of his reach. “See you later, Rey.”

“See ya, Ben,” she said, as he turned to go back to his house, tucking his helmet under his arm.

When he walked inside, he saw his parents in different points of the house, pointedly not speaking. He didn’t even care anymore why they were fighting; his teammates would feel the sting of his parents’ silence on the field at practice tomorrow. He didn’t even bother to say hello to either of them and instead just stalked up to the small bathroom, where he stripped off his uniform and left it on the floor. His mom would probably yell at him again for leaving it where she would have to smell it. Good.

He cleaned the mud of the field off his skin and heard his flip phone go off. When he had finished his shower, he looked at the text messages from Bazine, a girl he was currently seeing in his class. She wasn’t particularly nice, but she was the head cheerleader and certainly pretty enough. She would turn her smiles on for him and if they drove out to a secluded spot outside of town, she’d let him touch her _underneath_ her shirt.

Of course, his teammates all assumed that he’d gone all the way with Bazine. He hadn’t yet, but he didn’t bother to correct them. The thought though did terrify him a little bit. What if he was no good? What if he didn’t even get that far and spilled himself early like he had so many times during the night when he was thirteen? What if she laughed at him?

Bazine’s text messages tonight brought those fears to the surface. Apparently Mitaka was having a party while his parents were gone, and he’d gotten his older brother to buy a bunch of beer. She said in her message that if he was lucky tonight would be a special night. He gulped a bit and looked at the time she gave him. He knew his parents would never allow him to go out at ten on a school night, but the draw of Bazine’s promises was too strong. He’d have to sneak out.

He thought about his options and laid his plan carefully. He crept down the stairs and walked past his parents. They didn’t pay him much mind anyways, so it was easy enough. He went to the shed and pulled his dad’s ladder out, the one that his dad always swore anytime he had to get on when the leaves clogged the gutters on the roof. Ben carefully placed the ladder beneath his window, trying his hardest not to make any noise. His parents’ bedroom was on the opposite side of the house so he was pretty sure they wouldn’t hear him, and they were usually in bed by that time.

He sat a dinner with his parents, as they continued the strained silence and ate as quickly as he could. They would ask him the occasional question; how was practice, how was school, had he done his chores yet? Most were the inane sort that he could offer a grunt or a single syllable answer. They didn’t care about what he said, not really.

When it was all finished, he cleared his throat and asked if he could be excused.

“Of course,” his mother said, looking him over. She had worry lines and grey hairs streaking through her perfectly coiffed hair. It was the product of too many hours at the office, poring over casework. His father was more carefree, but he usually spent any free nights he had playing poker. This night was a rarity where they sat together at the table, and at one time Ben would have relished the time, but now it was a cruel joke.

He stood up and walked up to his bedroom, thinking through his plan for the evening. He kept a weather eye on the time and tried to distract himself with his history homework as he waited for his parents to go to bed. _Tick tock, tick tock,_ his clock sounded, and his heart pounded in time as he heard first his mother’s light steps, and then his father’s more deliberate footfalls. He waited with bated breath for the time he knew they would fall asleep and then crept toward the window and his escape route. As he climbed over top of the window and set his feet firmly on the top rungs of the ladder, he heard a sound that startled him and nearly made him swear out loud and lose his hold on the side of the house.

“What are you doing?” Rey hissed at him from her own bedroom. He turned to glare at her then, regaining his balance.

“I’m going out,” he replied in an equally harsh whisper, his face softening as the danger passed. “You’re not going to tell on me, are you?” She bit her lip doubtfully and he decided to sweeten the pot. “I’ll take you to school _and_ pick you up for the next week if you don’t say anything.”

Her eyes widened at the offer, and then she nodded. “Okay.” He flashed her his toothy, lopsided smile and continued down the ladder.

“Thanks, Rey,” he said and waved goodbye to her as he headed toward the party that would probably change his entire life. She gave him a sad wave back before closing her window.

Later that night as he lay with his chest heaving on the messy sheets of Mitaka’s older brother’s abandoned room, Bazine dozing beside him, that he thought about Rey. He reflected that _this_ was one thing he definitely was _not_ going to tell her about.

* * *

If anyone could have devised a cleverer or more exquisitely cruel way of torture, Ben didn’t think they could top his experience in Chandrila. In addition to finding himself fumbling over every interaction with Rey like a lovesick teenager, now he could add to the list the fact that she had told him that she _had_ wanted him….ten years ago. And now, she saw him as no more than her brother, which he supposed was just the cherry to top the incredible shit sundae his life had turned into these days.

When she had told him about her erstwhile crush on him, he had heard his voice rise probably three octaves as the shock had washed over him. And then she had laughed at the thought and he had felt everything inside of him screaming over the fact that he had not only missed his window of opportunity but hadn’t even known it had existed in the first place. Then she had leaned into him and he had wanted to bring his arm around her shoulders, but that would be weird now. She’d probably think it was weird. Oh, god, he was probably weirding her out.

  
So, he had sat stoic as a stone as she fell asleep on his chest and he just wanted to yell at this entire turn of events. And when he finally looked at the time on the wall clock and realized that he should go home because she hadn’t asked him to stay the night it took everything in him to extricate himself from her. Her eyebrows furrowed slightly in her sleep as he gently laid her down, and then the tension released as she slipped back into slumber. He took the time to drink in her appearance, looking at every detail of her face as if this was the last time he could see her like this. She had dark circles under her eyes that she hadn’t had when they were younger, but in sleep she looked so incredibly peaceful. With a sigh, he pulled the heavy afghan from the back of the couch and draped it over her prone form. Then on an impulse he reached out and stroked her cheek, savoring the feel of her skin against his fingertips, before quietly slipping out the backdoor.

His feelings might have been easier to get over if Rey hadn’t been so fucking nice all the damn time. He almost wished he could hold it against her or be resentful, but now anytime she was in town she would stop by the garage bringing small tokens. She’d always say that she was “in the neighborhood”, picking up her grandfather’s medication, going shopping for groceries, or paying bills, and then she’d bring coffee for the workers or an auto magazine for his father.

Han would always ruffle Rey’s hair like she was still six years old and tell her she was “a good kid” and “keep it coming”. Rey would laugh, tease his father, and Ben would stand there like a big dumb idiot until she presented his coffee to him just like he liked it. She’d run off then, looking at the time on her phone, saying she was behind on her other errands, and he’d wave goodbye.

He indulged himself slightly by still continuing their text conversations. They would usually fall into talking about the trivial or the inane, but somehow, he never tired of the thrill that shot through him upon hearing the buzz of his notifications. She’d occasionally send him photos that she took, but she did it in such a way that made him have to guess what he was looking at. Rey had told him that was part of the fun, and then he would try his hardest to puzzle out what she was sending him. She was incredibly playful, she always had been he reflected, and she liked to start little games that left him grinning to himself on the floor of the garage.

Most nights of the week though she would stop responding after a certain point, telling him she had to work. He tried to ask her about her work, but she was always incredibly cryptic or purposefully vague in her responses. He was curious of course, but he knew she had a temper when riled and didn’t want to risk losing her little messages throughout his day because he pushed her too hard.

When she didn’t have to work, however, she’d talk with him in person. They’d sit on that stoop and talk, and she’d make him laugh, despite himself, and it was like they were kids all over again. It felt a bit like a knife in the gut to be so close to her and yet so far away from being able to touch her. All of her. He’d catch a glimpse of her planting something in the garden she’d managed to bring to life in the backyard and see the way her hair fell over her shoulder exposing her neck, or he’d watch as she stretched to close the trunk of that old beat up car and how her shirt always seemed to come up just enough so he could see the tanned skin beneath it. He could just see himself pressing his lips to that place, working the fabric upwards and…. He looked away if she caught him staring and hoped that he wasn’t giving off creepy vibes. That was the _last_ thing he needed now.

The weeks passed by them in this way and Ben was surprised to find he’d settled into a comfortable routine in Chandrila. It was on one such day like many before that she rolled into the Falcon Auto Repair parking lot and hopped out of the car, her arms laden with everyone’s favorite caffeinated beverages. She went around passing out the drinks to everyone in the office first and coming out to give Han and him their drinks last. Han was trying to show Ben how to repair a broken transmission, but they both stopped as Rey came up.

“You know, we’re going to have to start paying you for these deliveries,” Han said with a smile and Rey responded by handing him a little brown bag with a jelly donut.

“It’s no trouble,” Rey said with a smile and handed Ben his black coffee with two shots of espresso. He took it from her and nearly dropped his cup when he brushed her fingertips with his own. “Anyway, I’d better be getting back; I have to go make lunch for grandpa.”

Han waved goodbye and Ben tried to ignore the heat that surfaced in his cheeks. He watched her get into her car and then suddenly a loud noise like a gunshot issued from Rey’s car and dark smoke began to billow from her exhaust. This caught the attention of both men in the garage who came out and stood in front of her car to urge her to turn it off. She obliged and stepped out, coughing on the fumes as Han popped her hood for her. More smoke began to issue from under the car hood and he looked at it with frown.

“Ben, help me to push this into the garage,” he said, and his son nodded. They grunted and strained to roll Rey’s beater into the open port. She flitted between them like an agitated hummingbird as Han began to assess the damage.

“Rey, you need to calm down,” Ben said and grabbed her by the shoulders to stop her from getting further in the way. “My dad will know what’s wrong.”

“But I can’t afford to fix it,” she said, and her voice was panicked.

Han gave her a look like he was deeply offended at the notion, “Nonsense, you’re practically family. Let’s figure out what’s going on and don’t worry about it.”

“Now, come on,” Ben said, and led her back into the office to place her firmly in one of the old vinyl chairs in the waiting area. “Just wait here, ok?” Rey nodded meekly and sat back in the chair as Ben went out to help Han inspect the car. The pair came back, and Ben let Han break the bad news to Rey.

“Well, I’ve taken a look and it’s not good. Your catalytic converter went bad and it made your engine overheat, which caused your head gasket to blow out. If you’d come to me sooner it would have been an easy fix, but now, because your car is an older model it’s going to take me some time to get the right parts in,” Han sighed, and wiped his forehead with his greasy rag.

“How long?” Rey asked, her voice quavering slightly.

Han screwed up his face as he tried to think and then looked at her seriously, “My guess is probably at least three days before I can get the part in to the shop, then after that it should be a pretty quick repair.”

Rey looked devastated by the news and put her head in her hands. “Three days? But I have to work _tonight_. I can’t afford to wait three days. And I’ve got errands and chores and Grandpa, how am I going to get him to his appointments?”

“Well, seems like an easy solution,” Han said and clapped Ben on the back suddenly. He looked at his father and could see the idea already forming on his lips before he’d said it. “Ben can take you around. We live right next to each other so it’s not like you’re out of the way, and it’s not like he’s any great hand in here anyway. You’d really be doing me a favor by taking him off my hands.”

He looked at Rey who now looked like a frightened rabbit at the thought, “No, really, he doesn’t have to-“

“I’ll do it,” Ben said, cutting off her frantic protests. She stopped and looked at him then, her mouth tugging down at the corner as she looked at him.

She contemplated him for a while then said, “O-okay.”

Ben pulled out his keys and began to walk to his car, the only remaining luxury he had from his days in New York. “Come on, I’ll drive you home.” She scrambled into the backseat of her car and pulled out a few bags before trailing after him. She was silent on the drive back, staring into her lap, which was unusual for her.

“Hey, it’s going to be ok,” he said, “My dad’s the best mechanic in town. And he’s not going to charge you for the fix. Trust me.”

“O-oh, yeah,” she said and looked like she wanted to cry, laugh and run all in one glance. The ride from the Falcon wasn’t very long and he pulled up on her curb. She took a deep breath and said, “So, my shift starts at nine, can you pick me up at eight?” He nodded and she turned swiftly without saying another word. Ben guessed she was just put out at having to be driven around by him and turned the car back in the direction of the shop.

Eight that night came quicker than he expected, and he knocked on the door of her house to signal his arrival.

Rey came out the door in a rush, quickly bypassing him to go to the passenger side of his car. “Let’s go.”

“Woah, Rey, what’s going on?” he asked, taken aback by her curt manner.

She looked up at him, and waved a hand in the air distractedly, “Nothing, nothing. Just, I don’t want to be late is all.” Was she wearing lipstick? He knew she wore some makeup in the day to day, but the bright red color was…different. He liked it, sure, but he wasn’t used to seeing her so done up. She was wearing a coat despite the heat of the summer night.

He gave her an odd look, but she beckoned impatiently for him to get in the car, and he relented. “Fine, fine.” As he sat down on the leather seats of his sedan, he looked at her and asked, “Ok, now where are we going?”

She still refused to tell him outright, merely instructing him when to turn and as they left the city limits of Chandrila behind and began to drift towards the highway he had a sneaking suspicion that he knew where she worked. It was as she told him to stop on the side of the road before any business was in sight that he felt he was right in his supposition. “Rey, I’m not dropping you off on the side of the road. Now tell me, where the fuck do you work?” He locked the doors for good measure and gave her a long look.

She crossed her arms and looked obstinately at his dashboard with narrowed eyes. “I work at a bar. Now let me out of this car.” She wiggled at the door handle rapidly and he felt something angry bubble in his chest.

“That place is _not_ a bar, Rey,” he said shortly.

“Well, I’m a bartender, so it’s a bar,” she said. “And I’m not asking for your permission. Now. Let. Me. Out.”

He wanted to argue, wanted to rail against it but instead said, “No. I’ll drive you all the way.”

“Fine,” she said, and he turned the bend in the road to Plutt’s Outpost which was alight in neon X’s. She got out of the car, slamming it behind her and said, “My shift ends at two. You can pick me up then.”

“I’m _not_ leaving you here at this-this place,” Ben spluttered as he leapt out of the driver seat.

“Fine,” she said again, sighing heavily. “Come inside. I don’t care anymore. But I’m going to work.” She dropped the coat from her shoulders, and he saw she was wearing a tight tank top that came down impossibly far, and a pair of shorts that barely covered her bottom half. His jaw might have dropped at the image in any other scenario, but in this instance, he was completely on edge.

Plutt’s Outpost had a reputation in the area, from hiring underage girls to be his “entertainers” to not controlling some of his more handsy guests. This wasn’t someplace that Ben ever wanted Rey to even think about, let alone work in. She went around the back entrance, and he rushed into the front door only being stopped when a broad arm caught his shoulder.

“It’s a twenty-dollar cover,” the bouncer told him.

“But I’m not here-“ he started to argue, but the look on the man’s face meant business.

“Twenty dollars, or you can leave,” the other man repeated firmly, and Ben grumbled while pulling out his wallet. He thrust the money at the man, the product of his long hours at the Falcon and pushed past him into the dimly lit room. It’s not that Ben was a prude, or that he hadn’t been to _establishments_ such as these before, but this, Rey, Plutt’s….it was different. He struggled to reconcile the Rey in his mind, the girl who had grown up next door to him for nearly twenty years, with a place like Plutt’s.

The floor was sticky with alcohol and when he looked over, he could already see Rey behind the counter of the bar which while popular wasn’t the main draw of the Outpost. She looked up at him as he drifted over, and she turned stiffly from him.

“You’re not going to cause any trouble, are you?” Rey asked to the wall of liquor, but it was loud enough for Ben to hear her. She turned back around and said, “Because that would be really, really shit of you.”

“No,” he said and looked away from her like a child being scolded.

“Good,” she breathed, and with a clink set something in front of him. He looked to see she’d given him a glass of beer. “Now, stay put.”

He did as she asked, still fuming about the circumstances. He observed her as she flitted about, taking drink orders as both waitress and bar staff. The molten metal that roiled in his chest simmered as he saw her give flirtatious smiles to the men ordering drinks. Their attention for the most part though was not on her as several outdated cheesy songs played to an array of girls crawling across the floor. Ben admitted, grudgingly, that Rey wasn’t on the stage at least. He didn’t think he’d have been able to let her out of the car if he thought about her removing that tank top and showing everyone her…He shook his head to remove the thought.

As the night dragged on, Ben could _almost_ pretend that this was a normal bar until something happened that turned the hot ball of fury inside of him into an eruption of rage. He watched as Rey took a drink order from some guy he didn’t recognize who was a bit worse for drink already, probably a trucker from out of town, and watched as Rey held her hand out for his menu. Instead of placing it into her outstretched palm the man dropped it at his feet with a disgusting laugh. 

Rey rolled her eyes but reached down for the paper menu all the same. What happened next made Ben see red, all sense and reason abandoned in a virulent rage. It was as if he was seeing the man’s hand draw forward in slow motion, and he saw the look of shock on Rey’s face after the impact on her backside made contact. Before she could stand up or react, however, Ben was already out of his seat, his large strides taking him across the small space in no time. There was no thought in his head when he pulled his arm back and sent his fist into the man’s face with a sickening crack.


	6. Chapter 6

“Oh my god, Rey, he’s really coming back for spring break,” Rose said excitedly at Rey’s locker.

“Yes, Rose, he really is,” Rey said, flashing her braces at her friend. “I heard his mom and dad talking about it this morning when I was leaving.” She had overheard the Solos talking about how their only son was finally “gracing them with his presence” again. She hadn’t seen Ben in a long while, since she was all knees and elbows still. To be fair she was still mostly knees, and partly elbows. Her breasts were still frustratingly small, and her hips were nothing to talk about. She looked longingly at the glamorous curves of the models in the magazines and wished _she_ could look like that. At fifteen she was not quite a girl, but also not quite a woman yet.

Ben had left to go to college last year, a junior football scholarship to Perdue drawing him to Indianapolis. He had been so excited when the acceptance letter came, and it meant that he could go wherever he wanted without asking his parents’ permission. She had tried to be cheerful as he expounded on the virtues of getting out of Chandrila permanently, but she didn’t look forward to his departure. She had spent the better part of junior high school doodling his name on her binders, and the margins of her papers, and in her diary, and now he was just going. Without her.

But now he was returning, and she fancied that in the interim that she was more sophisticated now. He’d finally see her not as the snotty little kid next door, but the woman he’d been dreaming about. She’d had her first kiss since he’d seen her last, not the awkward forced one that Bobby Hayes had tried to place on her three years ago, but a real kiss. It had been with a boy from the next grade up, Matt, and though his lips were chapped and scratchy, he had been gentle. Matt had told her that he liked to watch her read and Rey had been flattered, allowing her belly to flutter at the compliment, such as it was. But it hadn’t lasted, and now Matt was telling some other girl he liked how she drew or played the clarinet or wrote poetry.

But Ben. She’d dreamt about Ben kissing her since she’d begun to realize that she wanted to be kissed. He would come to her, hunch his strong shoulders down and take her face in his gentle hands. He did have gentle hands, she knew, from the many times he’d let her hold them while they were growing up. And then he’d place his perfect lips on hers and they’d get married and live happily ever after. Or at least that’s what she told Rose and Kay. They would sigh dreamily at her depiction and tell her it was like a fairy tale.

On the appointed day that she knew Ben was supposed to arrive she got dressed in the new shirt she had had Rose order for her online and paid her back with her babysitting money. She knew her grandpa wouldn’t approve of her wearing it, so she put a sweater over top when he was around. She waited until after school to let Rose put eyeliner and mascara on her, along with her favorite tinted lip gloss. She would wait outside her home for Ben to get home and then he would see her there and be blown away with how she looked. She thought gleefully that she was finally “older”.

Rey’s plan was going well, she thought as she sat on the stoop of her house. She was reading “Persuasion” and she couldn’t help but picture herself as Anne and Ben as the dashing Captain Wentworth, finally brought back together by fate to find their second chance at love. She looked up then, her ears perking at the sound of his car. She would recognize that sound anywhere because she’d spent countless nights straining her ears for it so she could be out on her steps waiting just like tonight.

She stood up as the car came into view and pulled into the driveway that was between their houses. Rey rushed over to greet Ben and then all the breath left her body as she looked inside the passenger seat of the car. A gangling ginger boy and a tall blonde girl sidled out of the backseat, stretching and not noticing Rey standing on the grass at the edge of her grandfather’s lawn. Then Ben, still in the driver’s seat reached over and wrapped his hand around the back of a pretty girl with brown hair that was sitting next to him. He pressed himself to her in a kiss before exiting the car. He was the first to notice Rey and his face turned up in that lopsided smile at the sight of her.

“Hey, kid,” he called, and the girl he was with came around to join him. “Nastia, this is Rey, she’s like my little sister.” Rey wanted to fall down and cry right there as the words _‘little sister’_ seemed to echo in the void. He only saw her as his little sister. Still the kid who he’d taught to ride a bicycle and had to show how to look both ways before crossing the street. Older, but not old enough apparently.

The girl, Nastia she presumed, went up to her and engulfed her in a hug that made Rey want to throw something. “Oh, you’re so cute,” Nastia said, “Ben’s told me all about you.” She had never felt her heart breaking before but thought that maybe this is what it was like. She felt like she couldn’t breathe and wanted desperately to get out of sight as quickly as possible so she could fling herself onto her bed and cry until she couldn’t cry any longer.

When she was released from the other girl’s grip she stood back and coughed. “Um, so I have to go. Sorry, Ben. I’ve got…a test…I need to study for. It was…nice…seeing you again.”

His eyes seemed disappointed at her sudden departure, but she had only enough self-restraint to turn and run back into the house. She pounded up the stairs and closed the curtains on the window that Ben might have been able to see her through and did cry then. She could feel the sobs wrack her body and the salty tears removed the makeup that Rose had put on her.

When she came down to dinner later and joined her grandfather at the table her face was puffy still, but she tried to pretend that she was okay. He cast her worried glances but didn’t comment. She lay in her bed that evening, unable to sleep, and would sit up occasionally to peek out her window to look at his bedroom. It remained dark until long into the night and by that time she was too exhausted to keep checking and finally drifted into an uneasy slumber.

Rey prepared herself for school the next morning resentfully and kicked the pretty shirt into her closet. She didn’t bother to put on makeup, instead opting for a hoodie and jeans. When she pulled her long brown hair into a ponytail, she looked every part the kid in her bedroom mirror and stormed out in disgust. She slung her backpack on and headed down the steps, calling a brief goodbye to her grandfather and stepped outside. She was going to stomp down the steps and burn off her energy on the walk to school, when a voice called to her that made her stop in her tracks.

“Rey,” Ben called out, his voice friendly and warm. She looked over to find him sitting on his porch, gently rocking back and forth on the swinging bench. He looked tired but relaxed as he looked at her.

“Oh, hey, Ben,” she called, suddenly uncomfortable. “Sorry, I’ve got to head to school now.”

“Well, let me give you a ride,” he said and stood up then.

“Oh, you don’t have to do that,” she replied, “I’m sure you’re busy.”

“Nah,” he said with a smile, “I’m the only one who’s up. Hux, Phas and Nastia are all still sleeping off last night. Come on, it’ll be like old times.”

“O-okay,” she stammered, unable to offer more reasons to decline the offer. He headed inside to grab his keys and she waited by the passenger side of his car. The doors unlocked and it filled her with a sense of dread and anxiety. She got inside quickly and put her backpack into her lap as he plopped into the driver’s seat. He started the car and put his elbow on her headrest as he turned to look behind him so he could back out of the Solos’ asphalt driveway. She could feel his presence filling the small cab of the car and the faded scent of the cologne on his t-shirt, the same one he’d been wearing the day before, along with the milder smell of sweat and maybe a hint of alcohol wafted over her nose. It was pure Ben and she wanted to lean forward to touch him but restrained herself.

“You, ok, Rey?” he asked, his voice concerned, and she snapped out of the daydream at the question. “You sort of ran off yesterday. I don’t have to go beat anyone up for you, do I?”

“Oh, n-no,” she stuttered, trying to think up a lie, “I was just. Cramps. You know. Um…” Oh god, did she just tell him that she was on her period? She wanted to just melt into the seat of the car right there, or maybe she should hurl herself out of the moving vehicle. She didn’t think she’d die at these speeds, so she resisted the temptation.

“Oh,” was all he said, and she could see a blush creep over his cheeks, spreading to the tips of the ears that still stuck out just a bit too far. He cleared his throat and continued driving in silence. Before she knew it, he was already pulling up in front of the high school and it felt an awful lot like being dropped off by a parent. She went to exit the car, and he reached out to grab her wrist. She looked down at his hand, so warm around her arm and looked at him.

“Hey, I wanted to ask you,” he said, looking at her with those soft eyes she could get lost inside, “My parents are going to be gone tonight; some gala thing in Indianapolis that my mom’s dragging my dad to for her firm. Do you want to come over and join us?”

She hesitated but relented under that chocolate stare, “Um, sure. What time?”

“Come over after your grandpa goes to bed,” he said and let her go. She nodded and he waved before pulling his car away from the curb. There was a little thrill in her stomach at the thought of sneaking out. She’d seen Ben do it countless times when he was little older than she was now. But there was also a thread of guilt at the thought of tricking her grandpa. She pushed that aside though as she walked in and found Rose and Kay both waiting for her at her locker.

“How did it go?” Rose said, taking in her haphazard appearance.

“It was awful,” Rey said, and the feelings of despair washed over her, “He brought his _girlfriend_ back with him. And he called me his little sister.”

“Oh, no,” Kay said and the two hugged Rey before she could start to cry again.

The feelings passed quicker with them to comfort her and she looked up at them, “But he invited me over to hang out with them tonight. After my grandpa goes to sleep.”

“Are you going to go?” Rose asked, her voice filled with excitement. “That’s so huge, Rey.”

“Yeah, I guess,” she said. “I mean, I want to, but do you think I should? He’s got a girlfriend, and he clearly doesn’t think about me in _that_ way…”

“Yes, you should go,” Kay said, her tone exasperated. “Even if he does have a girlfriend, how many tenth graders get to hang out and party with college kids? This is major.”

Rey nodded, a smile creeping back onto her face at the thought. She hadn’t really needed her friends’ encouragements, but their seal of approval brought certainty to her actions. She went home that night and sat through dinner with her grandpa. She helped him build their latest boat, a replica of a four-masted barque, complete with little riggings that Rey had painstakingly threaded with a sewing needle. She was excited for the moment when they would gently tug all the little strings after placing it inside the bottle and bring their creation to life. She tried to act as normally as possible as she waited for the moment when her grandfather would let out a loud grunt, stretch and tell her he was going to bed, like he did every night. Like clockwork he did just as she had expected, patted her on the shoulder and kissed the top of her head, and he walked up to his bedroom. She told him that she was just going to finish up some homework downstairs, and then she would go to sleep as well. He smiled, and the guilt that panged in her stomach at her impending misbehavior pained her slightly. Not enough, though, to prevent her from waiting until she heard his snores and quietly slipping out the backdoor.

She had changed from her frumpy t-shirt into one of Kaydel’s shirts that her friend lent her on the way back home. It wasn’t quite her size, but it was at least enough that she didn’t completely look like a child anymore. Rey pulled her ponytail down and flipped her hair to muss it slightly in a way that she hoped made her look cool or sexy. She walked to the backdoor of Ben’s house, jumping over the fence between their yards, and knocked softly then more deliberately.

Ben answered it and the way he smiled at her made her heart flutter again. “Hey, you made it.” He ushered her inside and looked furtively around before closing the door. She had been in this house several times in the past, but somehow this felt different. She saw the three strangers in the living room and tensed slightly. Ben noticed her discomfort and introduced her. “Hey, guys. This is Rey.” They all nodded and greeted her, “And this is, Hux, Phasma and you’ve already met Nastia.” He pointed from the lanky ginger man, the tall pretty blonde girl and Nastia, who as he’d already pointed out, Rey had already _met._

The former walked up to them and slipped her arms around Ben from behind, peeking out behind his shoulder. “Ben, you didn’t tell me you were inviting anyone else over; are you sure this is a good idea? She’s _really_ young.”

“I’m turning sixteen next month,” Rey said then, looking at the girl, “I’m not _that_ young.” This only brought a skeptical stare from Nastia.

Ben turned to look at his girlfriend, taking Nastia’s hands in his own. “It’ll be fine; Rey helped me sneak out on more than one occasion in high school. It’s time I returned the favor.” He grinned at Rey and she tried to smile back, suddenly very nervous.

“Yeah, come on Unamo, no need to be a downer,” Phasma called, “Besides, it’s hilarious seeing someone get drunk for the first time.” Drunk? Did they say drunk? Rey hesitated at this and Ben saw her stiffen slightly.

“Hey,” he told her, putting his hand on her shoulder and looking sincerely into her eyes, “You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to. No one is going to force you. And if you want to go home, you can.” She wanted to turn and run, but at his words, she looked at Nastia as if a challenge had been issued.

“No,” she said firmly, “I can stay. I’m fine.”

Ben’s mouth tugged into a smile at this and then he turned back to the party at large, “Ok, then let’s get this party started. I found where my dad keeps his booze, so who wants to do shots?”

Rey took a tiny glass as it was offered to her and sniffed at the amber liquid tentatively. The others’ eyes were on her and she felt herself grow self-conscious. “How?” was the only word that came out of her mouth and she could see Hux snigger slightly and Phasma try to keep her face straight. Ben explained the mechanics to her, like he would have once explained a particularly difficult math problem, and she nodded. She breathed out and then tipped the whiskey down her throat, letting it sear into her chest like flame, and breathed out. Ben and his two friends gave her a cheer, but Nastia had a sour look on her face.

The older kids taught her in addition to the proper way to do a shot of liquor, how to play quarters and a few other drinking games. They didn’t only do shots that night because Ben wanted to make the fifth of whiskey last them, but she felt the mixed drinks that were handed to her go down easily. Soon enough she was on her fifth drink, or was it sixth? And she’d had two shots of straight whiskey.

The room was spinning, and she clacked her teeth together, noticing that she couldn’t feel them anymore. She was laughing and smiling and thought that she really liked this feeling. Drunk. Drank. Druuunk. She realized that really, really had to pee now. Why did she have to pee so bad? She went to stand up, pushing herself just a bit too hard off the couch she was seated on and stumbled visibly.

“Woah, kid,” Ben said, stepping in quickly to catch her before she could fall. “I think I’m cutting you off now.”

“Haha, my Ben,” she said and touched his face. “Ben got me drunk. Drunk, drunk, drunk.” She laughed some more and watched as he shot an apologetic look to his friends.

“I told you this was a bad idea,” Nastia said contemptuously. “Look at her. She’s a fucking child, Ben.”

“I’ll-I’ll take her home,” he said, and Rey squinted at him. “Come on, Rey.” He put her arm around his shoulder and tried to maneuver her from the room, but Rey’s legs didn’t want to cooperate any longer, and she dead-weighted in his arms. He let out a frustrated groan and then suddenly the floor was moving away from Rey, and she was pressed against his chest, his arms under her legs and around her back.

He began to move and kicked the door open with his foot as he carried her. He got outside and made it about ten feet off the porch before Rey let out a load moan. The jostling movement was too much with her spinning head. “I don’t feel good, Ben.”

“Oh, shit,” he said, and carefully put her down on the grass where she turned on all fours and released the contents of her stomach. She felt gentle hands holding back her long hair, and then when she was finished those same hands stroking her back. She shivered slightly as the bile dripped from her lips and then she lost all memory of what happened next.

She woke the next morning and her head pounded. Her mouth felt like she had stuffed a wad of toilet paper inside. Rey began to feel the tendrils of consciousness come back and the one thing she realized very quickly was that she was lying face down in her own bed. She didn’t remember getting back inside her house, but somehow, she was there. This led a flurry of other questions that were interrupted by the sounds of yelling outside her window. She moved herself enough to be able peer through the curtains and saw Ben’s parents pointing at him with angry scowls on their faces. She pushed the window up so that she could hear what was being said

“-completely irresponsible. How could you? She’s _fifteen,_ Benjamin,” his mother’s voice came up high and shrill, and suddenly Rey knew what they were yelling at him about. She couldn’t stop listening though.

“Where is your sense? What if you get caught? You’ll lose your scholarship,” his father scolded, his voice firm but sharp. “I know, I know, you’re young, and you want to look cool in front of your friends. I was young once too. But you had no business dragging her into it.”

“Do you know how this would look if you got arrested?” his mother cried, “Not to mention, I’m thinking of running for office. How will it look for me if my own son is not only getting drunk underage, but allowing a child to get drunk in _my_ house?”

“This is total bullshit,” Ben yelled back. “I don’t give a shit how it makes you look. Leave me out of it.” Rey could hear more exclamations and then a slamming car door. She watched as Ben pulled out wildly and roared down the street.

Rey got up out of bed. Luckily it was Saturday, so she didn’t need to be at school with her head feeling as if someone had placed it in a vice, none too gently either. But she would have to go downstairs eventually. And if Ben’s parents knew… She sucked in a breath at the thought of what lay waiting for her. Finally, she screwed up enough courage to get it over with and took each step as if going to the firing squad.

She saw her grandfather sitting silently at the kitchen table, holding onto a mug of tea while staring into its depths as if his fortune might spring forth. He looked up at her descent and he had the tight lipped, sour expression on his face, but it was comingled with sadness? Disappointment?

“Rey. Come here,” he commanded, and she obediently walked to him to receive her punishment. For punishment she knew was coming. He sighed heavily, his brows furrowing downwards, as he contemplated his wayward grandchild. After a long silence that Rey didn’t dare break, he spoke, “You’re grounded.” She nodded, knowing that this statement was a given. She’d never _been_ grounded before, had never needed to be before this point. “For a month. No special activities, no book club,” she gulped, “and no formal dances.” The tears pricked at her eyes, but she tried to hold them back.

“In addition,” he continued, “you are not to fraternize with that _boy,_ ” he said the last word sharply so there was no doubt in her mind who he was speaking about, “ever again. Is that clear?”

“You can’t do that,” she said, her voice breaking. “That’s not-that’s not fair!”

Her grandfather’s brow twitched at this and he trained an angry expression on her now, “No arguments. You heard me. I was woken in the middle of the night to find my fifteen-year-old granddaughter completely sodding snockered and with a boy that is _far_ too old for her. You should consider yourself lucky that that is your only punishment, young lady.” She had never heard her grandfather curse before, and the words sounded strange from his voice. Rey was going to start hyperventilating at the revelation that she would no longer be allowed to see Ben after this point. “Now, I spoke with his parents already this morning, and they agree with me completely. It’s about time _someone_ brought that boy to heel, but you are not to associate with him. Have I made myself clear?” There was a note of finality in his voice that brought her tears spilling over now, and her grandfather’s face slackened with remorse for his words, but not enough for his resolve to waiver.

Rey turned and ran from the kitchen, going back to barricade herself in her room, and slammed the door behind her. If the pain she had felt before had been sharp, it was nothing in comparison to the weight on her chest now. She cried for what felt like days but was most likely only hours. She cried even as she heard the sound of his car come back, more yelling but this time between the shrill voice of Nastia Unamo and Ben. She couldn’t hear their argument very well though and didn’t bother to try to understand. It was as she felt that she could cry nothing more that she felt something come and land softly on her legs. She didn’t process what it was for another ten minutes and then gingerly turned to look, her muscles aching from her prolonged grief. It was a paper airplane. She knew who had sent it through the window she had forgotten to close.

She unfolded the plane and looked at the two words there in Ben’s tidy scrawl. _“I’m sorry.”_

* * *

Rey felt the sharp sting of a slap on her ass and was about to whirl around to call the bouncer over to throw the asshole out of the bar when, like a charging bull, she saw Ben barrel over and punch him straight in the face. She was in shock at the sudden display of violence and in the aftermath that followed.

Ben was panting heavily as he stood above the now prone man. The drunk massaged his jaw from the floor and shot her a vicious look before glowering at Ben. “What’s he, your boyfriend?”

“No. He’s _not,_ ” she said sharply, and Ben was drawn out of his savage frenzy enough at this comment to look reproachfully at her. “SNAP!”

At the call the large bouncer came from behind the showroom curtains and upon looking at the scene grabbed both men by the front of the shirt and dragged them summarily from the vicinity. She could hear the thud as they hit the ground. Snap Wexley came back in and looked at her, “You need anything else, Sunshine?”

“No, thanks,” she said gratefully. Snap was the saving grace for all the ladies who worked at Plutt’s Outpost, given that the owner couldn’t be bothered to care about more than money. A small crowd was starting to gather, and Rey’s cheeks bloomed a deep scarlet as everyone began to stare at her. She turned to talk to one of the girls that she liked best, Zorii. Zorii was smart as a whip and on her off nights would work the bar instead of the stage. “Zorii, can you handle the bar, while I go deal with this…situation?”

Zorii nodded to her, and Rey breathed a sigh of relief before running out the front like a gathering storm cloud. She spotted Ben who had managed to pick himself off the ground and was pacing by his car. She stomped over to him and as his expression turned to one of judgmental lecturing she shoved him hard in the chest.

“Hey listen-“ he started before she pushed him backwards several steps.

“No! You listen,” she yelled, her voice increasing in pitch with each syllable. “What you did in there was fucking humiliating.”

“I was trying to protect you!” he shouted back and tried to tower over her.

“Oh, that’s what that display was? Protecting me?! Well how protective is it going to be if I lose my fucking job?” she shouted, refusing to back down.

“He was-that was- he grabbed your ass!” Ben spluttered, and flailed his arms, not seeming to understand why she was so upset.

“Yes, Ben. He grabbed my ass. But if you hadn’t fucking noticed, I’m a bartender in a _strip club_. Which means a lot of guys try to grab my ass. And if you had waited two seconds, you would have noticed that I was perfectly capable of handling it myself,” she said and there was venom in her voice. “I didn’t ask you to save me, and I _need_ this job.”

“Why?” he asked, heat in his voice. “Why do you need _this_ job?”

She slowed down her speech, without losing volume, as if she was speaking to a very small child, “ _Because_ , Ben, some of us don’t have mummy and daddy to help us out when we fall down.”

He was incensed at the comment, and roared back, “Why couldn’t you just work at some dead-end job in Chandrila? Why here?!”

“Do you think I didn’t try?” There was hurt in her voice now. “You think I didn’t go to every place in perfect, white washed Chandrila and beg for something, _anything,_ before I came here? So, I’m _so_ sorry that it doesn’t live up to your fucking expectations.”

“You can’t work in a place like this,” he said with finality, as if his word settled the matter. “Do you know what people would say about you if they found out?”

She slapped him at this, unable to restrain her anger. “Fuck you, Ben. How dare you fucking judge me. You have no idea what I’ve gone through and what I’ve had to sacrifice to make this work. And even if I was one of the girls it wouldn’t be any of your goddamn business.”

“It is my business. I was trying to fucking help you! That was for you.”

“Bullshit!” Rey yelled. “You came in here tonight and sat around guilting me like a big selfish asshole. You did that for your own benefit. So, tell me why. Enlighten me, please.” She stared him down.

He seemed stunned by the question, and held his stinging cheek before saying, “Because I can’t stand seeing you like that.”

“Like what?” she asked sharply, not caring that he was a head taller than her as she got closer to him in an attempt to provoke an answer from him. She was drawing her hand back again in preparation of whatever might come out of his mouth next.

“Like you’re not mine!” he yelled, breathing heavily at the admission and then something in his eyes changed after he realized what he’d said. It had sounded almost childlike and was the final culmination of the jealous possessive behavior he’d shown all night, but Rey’s hand faltered in the air and he grabbed it, enclosing her wrist with his long fingers. She was powerless under the heated gaze that he gave her as his normally brown eyes shone black with some new expression that had never been trained on her before.

Her mouth fell open at his words and his eyes darted down to look at it, before he seized the opportunity to crash his lips onto hers. He stepped into her and she felt the anger that had consumed her give way to desire as she began to kiss him back, wrapping her free hand into his hair as he pulled her by the waist to him. He massaged her tongue roughly with his own and she let out a stifled moan that made him shiver under her. It was like years of pent up longing had flooded out between them and he turned her swiftly to press her against the side of his car. He released her other arm and she brought around his neck to bring him closer to her as her fingers tightened around a fistful of his hair.

She could feel him hard against her thighs as the deluge of sensations washed over her. There was no thought, just unadulterated wanting between them. She wanted to drink him in, and the feel of him against her was almost overwhelming. His lips were as soft as she thought they’d be, but they were trained on hers with a passion she hadn’t been expecting.

Ben’s hands were roaming now, covering ground that would have made her past-self blush at his forwardness. He grasped her hips, and then cupped the curve of her very recently defended rear. Then very suddenly he was picking her up off the ground and she was wrapping her legs around his waist. He had her pinioned between himself and the car and she ground against him as he groaned. He moved his hands up to touch her breasts in ways that she had only thought about in her daydreams.

It was only the sound of a honk and a lewd comment that gave either of them pause, and Ben broke apart from her, realizing like her that they were still in the parking lot of Plutt’s. He cleared his throat and stepped back, gently bringing her back to the ground. She looked at his face, now sheepish and turning a bright shade of pink, and saw that her red lipstick was smeared on his face.

“That was-” she started, taking a deep breath and unsure what to say next.

“Yeah,” he returned her sentiment, his voice sounding dazed.

Rey turned away to inspect her appearance in the side mirror of the car, wiping around her lips to give herself some semblance of order again. To say she was flustered would be a massive understatement. You could have had a bear ride by on a unicycle while playing a trumpet to the tune of “Yankee Doodle Dandy” and the surprise she felt at Ben’s sudden show of….whatever that was….would still have beat it out.

She turned back to him, averting her gaze before her cheeks could flood with further heat, “Um, Ben, I still have…I still have an hour left here. Can you just wait…out here…for me?”

“Yeah,” he parroted again, and she wasn’t sure he was entirely present in his body at the moment. She patted him gingerly on the chest before walking back into the club. The atmosphere had returned to the drunken stupor it had been in before the disturbance, but Rey was still walking like a person in shock.

Zorii walked over to trade places with Rey and saw her demeanor. “Oh, he didn’t try to hit you did he, Sunshine?” she asked, and her tone was one of protective aggression. “Because we can send Snap out there to beat him for you if he did.”

“N-no,” Rey said, still trying to process what just happened. “He kissed me.”

“Is that all?” Zorii snorted, “Well, Sunshine, let me know if you get tired of him. There’s some things I wouldn’t mind doing to that boy that we don’t offer on the menu here.” The girl walked away leaving Rey to man the bar again. She wasn’t really able to focus and was glad when she announced last call. She counted her tips at the end of the night and was happy to see that despite Ben’s display she still made her usual earnings. She pocketed the cash and walked back out to the parking lot as the other patrons and the girls began to filter out.

She was exhausted but wouldn’t have been able to sleep even if she wanted to as she walked in a trance to the only car left in the lot. She noticed Ben in the driver’s seat with his hands on the wheel. He didn’t have the car running and he was just staring blankly ahead. She got in and the stillness of the car enveloped her. She could hear his breathing and feel the heat rolling off of his body. He didn’t respond to her entrance, only continuing to stare ahead as if catatonic.

“Ben,” she said softly and heard the sharp intake of his breath at her mention of his name. “I think-I think that we need to talk.” He nodded almost imperceptibly, still not looking at her. His current lack of emotion was incredibly frustrating, and she wanted to shake him from the stupor so that he would look at her.

“Rey, I-“

“Do you really-“

They both spoke at once and then stopped, looking at each other now. Ben’s soft brown eyes were no longer filled with the animalistic lust that he had harbored earlier. He gestured for her to continue, but she shook her head.

At this he took a deep breath, as if steeling himself for something incredibly unpleasant. “Rey, I’m sorry for everything tonight. You’re right. I was a selfish asshole. And I think that I may have done some things to make you very uncomfortable, and if you regret me being here-“

“I don’t,” she cut him off, “regret it. At least not all of it. The parts where you were being a ‘holier than thou’ judgmental prick were pretty shitty, but the other stuff….I don’t regret it.” He looked like he wanted to laugh, but the tension that he had been harboring seemed to go out of him like helium from a balloon. His shoulders were no longer set in that rigid way and he relaxed back into the seat. “Did you-did you mean what you said about me being… yours?” She toyed with the phrase and it felt strange but somehow nice on her tongue.

He stiffened as she brought his own words said in the heat of passion back to him, and his entire face turned a shade a crimson she didn’t know he possessed. “Um, about that, I didn’t- I mean I don’t- I didn’t mean for it to sound like….that. Like I _own_ you or something. That was…not very well thought out.”

She was quiet for a moment, thinking through her next words carefully. What she said next would probably alter their dynamic in a very permanent way and there would be no going back. “I…I could be. Yours, that is. If-if you wanted me to be. If you asked me.”

He looked at her now, embarrassed. “Oh….well…would you-would you want be?” He was tripping over his words and the part of herself that had been begging the cosmos for this since she was twelve years old was doing flips inside of her.

She was still careful, cautious, slow with her words as she turned to look at him. “I think so. But we still need to talk about…this. This place.” She gestured to Plutt’s. “Because I can’t have you in here acting like that every time I need to work. Plutt _will_ fire me if you keep it up, and I was serious about needing this job.”

He nodded, turning back to the steering wheel. “Is there anywhere else? Anywhere you could work? Why?” he sounded desperate and now that he wasn’t yelling at her she could almost feel sympathy for him. This place had certainly never been her first choice either. She didn’t begrudge anyone who wanted to take their clothes off for money, but Plutt usually shook down the girls for half of their tips anyway, in addition to taking the entire cover charge.

“Like I told you, there was nowhere else. At least nowhere else that would allow me to work nights and leave at the drop of a hat if something happened with my grandpa,” she said, letting the truth wash out in a soothing wave. “Plutt almost didn’t hire me either. He told me that no one would pay to see my tits, since I didn’t have any, and he didn’t run a charity. Then his bartender quit, and he told me I could take the job if I made sure to dress like I _‘knew where I worked because he wasn’t running a nunnery either’_.” She did a crude imitation of Plutt’s disgusting tone and narrowed her eyes at the memory.

“But the girls are nice to me, and Snap takes care of all of us so no one can really bother us,” Rey said.

“Snap?” Ben questioned and she could tell he was trying to picture the burly bouncer as a caring individual but having trouble.

“That’s not his real name, I don’t think,” Rey explained. “No one uses their real names here. That’s part of why no one in Chandrila has any idea that I work here.”

“What do you-what do they call you?” he asked hesitantly, as if he was afraid she would say something like ‘Sugar Tits’ or ‘Honey Ass’.

She laughed and said, “They call me Sunshine.” Ben contemplated this for a moment and then nodded perfunctorily, agreeing with the sentiment behind her work name.

“I don’t think I’m ever going to be okay with you working here,” he said then, staring at a spot on his steering wheel. “That guy…he shouldn’t have touched you like that.”

Rey sighed, “No, he shouldn’t. But I’m used to it at this point, Ben. It doesn’t mean I like it, but I’m used to it.” His jaw was clenched tightly at her words, so she added, “I’m still the same Rey from this morning, Ben.” She put her hand on his arm and gave him a little smile.

“You shouldn’t have to work at a place like this. If I-if I helped you find something better, somewhere better, something that worked with your grandpa, would you quit?” he asked, his voice barely contained as she saw anger begin to flare up in him again at the memory.

“In a heartbeat,” she replied, and he turned to look at her, judging the sincerity of her words. Upon seeing the truth in her eyes, he leaned over slowly, and placed his hand on her cheek. He drew in close and she could feel his breath on her face before he gently touched her lips again with his. This kiss had all the tenderness that their first kiss had lacked; it was the kind of kiss that she had always dreamed about when she thought of Ben. He flitted his tongue delicately across her bottom lip and she parted her mouth slightly as she let a soft sigh out. They met in the middle, and she reached out to touch his chest, feeling his heartbeat drumming a fast tempo like hers.

Their mouths found a rhythm and she felt as if she wanted to melt into his arms. He tugged on her and she crawled over the shifter to settle into his lap, straddling his legs. She let her hands go through the dark waves of his hair again, wanting to explore every inch of him starting with his scalp. He was slow, methodical and tender in his caresses. Rey was fire and passion as every impulse, every thought she had had about him since she was old enough to _have_ those impulses bubbled to the surface. He let out a strangled little moan as she began to grind back and forth on his lap. His hands were large on her face as he drew her even closer into him. Rey could feel his arousal again beneath her and that only heightened her own. She reached down to tug at the hem of his shirt, but he grabbed her hand, stopping her.

Rey looked at Ben with a confused look, nearly verging on hurt at his rejection but he pressed a kiss to her lips again, more chaste this time, to stop her. “I-I want to, _believe_ me,” he breathed, “But not here, okay? Not in my car at this place. Let me do it right.”

She nodded slightly then, and he kissed her again in a way that made her feel intoxicated on his lips, before shifting her back to her seat. They sat breathing heavily for a moment before he turned the car over and put it into gear. He was silent on the drive back, but not his usual sullen silence. This was a tremulous happy silence that made the entire atmosphere in the car seem to vibrate with joy. He moved his hand over to where hers sat and held it like he had when they were smaller, rubbing small circles into the back of it with this thumb and she could help but smile. She glanced at the clock on the dashboard and saw that it was past three in the morning now. She would be exhausted the next day, but right now she couldn’t find it in herself to care.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A longer chapter here, but I hope everyone enjoyed it. Not sure how long the next chapter will be, but I imagine it should come in somewhere around the same length.


	7. Chapter 7

“Yes, mom, I’ll remember,” Ben said, his voice somewhere between a groan and a frustrated whine. He couldn’t believe he’d been roped into this. His parents were celebrating their thirtieth anniversary, and of course he would come back home for it. But what his mother hadn’t told him was that it was going to be her launching point for political office in earnest. Picture it, the loving couple of thirty years with their successful twenty-five-year-old son, fresh from graduate school and off to change the world. He wanted to vomit at the picturesque family that his mother was trying to sell them as to the media. Jesus, they’d even went and bought a dog to complete the ensemble of a wholesome white picket fence, God-fearing, American family. The state and local papers had no idea of the bitter arguments that he’d had to sit through, the dinners eaten in pointed silence, the empty house where his own imagination had had to be his only friend.

But somehow, he was still going to grab party supplies and food from the local grocery store. He wanted nothing more than to continue devoting himself to the start-up that he and his friend, Hux, were going to be launching within the next few months in New York. He couldn’t wait to hear the wail of gridlocked traffic, see the skyscrapers that stretched higher than the clouds, and taste the freedom that being seven hundred miles from his parents would bring to him. Hux was already there, securing them a temporary office from which they would operate with, at least for now, just the two of them with nothing but their brains and a couple of laptops. Even if the office was small and cramped or had lights that flickered just a little too much, at least it would beat the hell out of this fucking place.

With this mindset, he walked down the yellowed linoleum aisle of the grocery store where he could remember pinching a candy bar or two during high school to impress whichever girl was on his arm at the time. He looked with disdain at the cozy surroundings. The items were neatly lined on the shelves and little metal baskets held goods in the larger walkways. The store was even locally owned, a rarity in these days of corporate superstores. It was the picture of a perfect midwestern town. A thought struck him then and he smirked at the idea of purposefully putting items in the completely wrong place just to mess with the complete order of the store. He set about the task with a mindless glee as if the store were somehow responsible for this sham of an anniversary party.

As he debated with himself whether or not to put a large box of condoms in the snack aisle, he looked up to see a slender female form reaching, none too successfully he thought, for a box of popcorn on the highest shelf. She was turned away from him, her long brown hair obscuring her face, as she climbed up on the middle shelves to reach the last box that was shoved way to the back at the very top. He admired her tenacity, or rather stared at her round ass as it jutted out in her effort and the gentle curve of her breasts while wondering if she might fall. And fall she looked like she was going to do as the shelf she had her weight perched on started to buckle with an uneasy creaking under her.

Ben saw his moment and rushed over just as the metal shelf gave way beneath her. She flailed backwards, but he caught her in his outstretched arms, and she turned to look at him with a grateful smile. Recognition made him blink stupidly as he looked at exactly who he had saved.

“R-rey?” he spluttered, trying to think about the way he had been ogling her…Oh, god. He’d been ogling her. He’d been ogling _Rey_.

“Oh my god, Ben, it’s you!” she said happily and wriggled out of his arms before turning to bring him into a hug. His breath caught in his throat at the embrace and he looked down at his neighbor. She’d lost the braces and all the wrinkles of adolescent awkwardness had smoothed out into the form of a beautiful young woman. How old was she now? He dumbly tried to remember how to count backwards. If he was twenty-five that would make her…. twenty-one? It’d been nearly six years since they’d talked to one another. Her grandfather had made damn sure of that, never allowing her to go out the backdoor alone if he knew that Ben was home for a holiday which were fewer and far between as the time passed. Somehow while he hadn’t been looking, that awkward gangling fifteen-year-old had turned into this radiant creature who was very quickly turning his brain to mush.

“Uh, uh, how have you been? It’s been…” he stammered as she released him from her grasp.

“Years, I know,” she completed the sentence, those big hazel eyes beaming up at him. “God, you look just the same.” What was he supposed to say to that? Because the same could definitely not be said for her. Had she always looked this beautiful? He tried to remember, but he certainly hadn’t been looking at the time and his memory was hazy.

“What are you doing here?” he asked incredulously. He had heard things when he cared to ask. Rey had gotten a scholarship to Northwestern to study literature, and she spent most of her time in Chicago these days.

“Oh,” she replied, somehow not expecting the question, “Well, I’m staying with grandpa for a couple of days while we get packed; my friends and I are driving to Florida for a trip.”

“Going to the happiest place on earth?” he asked cheekily, and then immediately regretted it as the words brought that little pout he remembered to her full lips. She recovered quickly though and looked up at him from under her lashes.

“Maybe I will, Ben. I am just a kid after all,” she said seriously, and he felt embarrassed, thought about offering any apology he could muster, until her expression changed, and he realized he was being teased. “I’m just fucking with you.” She laughed at this, pushing his shoulder playfully, and he felt his face growing red.

“We are planning to see all of the parks, though,” she told him, “But I want to go see the ocean more than anything.” Her look was starry eyed as she described how badly she wanted to see the salty waves crashing onto the beach. He could just picture her in a bikini and….No. No, no, no. That was where that thought ended. “So, what are you doing back home?”

“Oh, uh, my parents. They’re having this big anniversary thing,” he said, trying to act as if he hadn’t just been picturing her in a tight bathing suit. “It’s pretty stupid actually.”

“Right, I had heard something like that,” she said smiling, “I’m sorry I won’t be able to come; your mom came over and invited us this morning, but I’ll already be gone by then.”

“Oh,” he said, sucking in breath between his teeth to hide his disappointment. He thought for a moment that maybe being back here, having to sit through the outrageous display might be worth it if it meant he could keep staring at this girl.

“Well, I’d better get going,” Rey said then, “I’m supposed to be picking up snacks for tonight.”

“Yeah, I saw that,” he joked, and reached then to get the popcorn she’d been after with ease. He handed it to her, and she shot him a smile that would have stopped his heart. “I guess I should probably get back to it too; my mom has me running around like an errand boy.” He gestured to the full cart down the aisle and Rey wandered closer to inspect it. Her eyes caught on something in the top layer of the pile and her expression changed to one of polite amusement. He looked and saw the box of condoms he had been attempting to misplace and then looked at her with panic in his eyes.

“Oh, fuck, that’s not, I mean- I don’t,” he said, trying to figure out what to say. Would it be better or worse if he told her that he was trying to cause disruption in the store instead of actually planning on using the condoms for their proper purpose? He could feel the blush on his face spreading and touching his ears, the traitors.

She cleared her throat and smiled, “You don’t-you don’t have to explain yourself to me, Ben.” She laughed a bit and turned to go to the checkout, leaving him standing there gaping after her like a moron. He angrily shoved the box on the shelf to remove it from the cart before following her quickly up to the register.

“Rey,” he called, and she turned to look at him. He caught up to her and said, “That was, it was a joke. Um, I wasn’t planning on _using_ them, or anything.”

She laughed before placing her popcorn on the conveyor belt. He stood rooted to the spot, not sure what to say next when she turned to him, tucking her long hair behind her ear as if nervous.

“Erm, so, Ben,” she started, and he looked at her with keen interest, “My friend Rose is having us over at her house tonight. It’ll probably be pretty lowkey, but she said there will be drinks, movies, and she has a pool in the back. You wouldn’t be…interested… in joining us, would you? We could actually catch up.” She stared at her feet and he wondered how long he should wait before saying _‘Yes, absolutely and should I go back and get those condoms…or?’_

“Uh, yeah, that’d be great,” he is what he did say to her, running his hand through his hair. 

“Great,” she agreed, and flashed him a smile before turning to finish her purchase. She waved a goodbye to him and said, “I can come over when it’s time; we’ll walk together.”

He took back the supplies to his parents’ house then and thought about what had just happened. On the one hand, she was the beautiful woman he’d ever seen. But on the other hand, she was _Rey_. He could remember walking her from school as children, he could remember watching her cry over the loss of her parents as snot dripped down her face, and he could remember holding her hand as she listened to him rail on about his parents. He shouldn’t be feeling these things for her; she was just so much younger than him, and he had only ever treated her like a sister. But now that he thought about it, she wasn’t _that_ much younger than him, not anymore at least.

He struggled with this conflict as the hours passed by him, distracting himself with the new puppy. The little puffball had been affectionately dubbed Chewie for his propensity to rip to shreds any shoe or sock or plaything that was unfortunate enough to be left in his vicinity. Ben had never had a dog growing up, even though he’d begged and pleaded with his parents for one. He supposed now his belated wish had come true and rolled his eyes at the thought.

Finally, he heard a slight rap at the backdoor and went to it to see Rey standing there, waiting for him. She had changed into a short little sundress with a halter top and some strappy sandals. He had to stop himself from staring at the way it hugged her and how the top left her collar bone and the top of her chest exposed. Hiking that small skirt up above her thighs was definitely _not_ how he should be picturing the girl next door.

“Ben?” she questioned, looking at him a raised brow.

“What?” he asked then, bringing himself back to the present.

“I asked if you were ready to go,” she repeated and he nodded, clearing his throat.

“Yeah, yeah, just, uh, give me a moment,” he said and shoved his feet into his shoes. Rey waited patiently and as he looked up at her from where he was tying his laces, he could see how her legs went up into the skirt and almost see…oh, god. He looked back down quickly and tried to distract his mind with thoughts of his mother, cleaning up after the dog, multiplication tables, anything to keep his thoughts from drifting back to Rey’s tanned legs.

He stood up and she smiled at him with that sweet little upturn of her plush lips. He could remember this smile, she’d probably trained it on him a thousand or more times in his lifetime, but he had never noticed the little dimple in her cheek when she did so. Or maybe he had noticed but had never bothered to think how sweet or cute it made her truly look. He thought about what it would feel like to place his lips on the dimple and then on her jaw and then….Oh, fuck, this was going to be a lot harder than he had anticipated.

He couldn’t recall the last time he had been this tongue tied around a girl; most of the time they came up to him and he didn’t really need to do much of the work, and he didn’t really care that much about the majority of girls he’d seen to even _be_ properly tongue tied. But with Rey there was a deep sense of fear that he might do or say the wrong thing, despite the history between them. It brought out all the shy and awkward parts of himself that he thought he’d left behind in high school.

The walked along in silence for a minute or so as Ben tried to bring his misfiring brain under control, and then Rey turned to look at him, saying, “So….it’s been….a while.”

This was the catalyst he needed to bring his thoughts back to order and he thought with shame and with regret at what had caused this parting of ways. “Yeah, s-six years or so?” He knew, of course he knew. He thought about it whenever he saw the familiar house next to his parents and how he had royally screwed the entire thing up. She had been too young, and he had been too reckless. He could still remember how he had held her hair back as she vomited in his front yard, and then tried to rouse her, but she was passed completely out.

He had been so frustrated, more with himself than with her, for not noticing how quickly she had become intoxicated. Of course, she had, he had reflected later, it was her first time drinking and he should have known better. He should have been looking out for her better. But he had been distracted by his girlfriend of the time, thinking of all the ways that he could have her while his parents were gone; maybe on the couch when everyone went to bed, in the shower perhaps, or maybe even on his parents’ bed? That would be sure to piss them both off, he knew.

Then Rey had nearly toppled over just trying to stand up, and all of those thoughts had vanished as he used his athletic resources to leap up and catch her before she could hurt herself. She had laughed and patted his face like she was six again, and he had tried to remember how many drinks he had given her. He hadn’t seen her without one for the entire evening, and he knew he had given her at least three just by himself. Had the others plied her as well upon seeing her with an empty glass. He had been scolded by Nastia, and he knew that the evening was not going to go as he had originally planned. Rey could barely stand so he had picked her up to carry her home. She was so incredibly small in his arms that had lifted far heavier loads during the workouts his school required of him.

Then she had been asleep like a child and he knew that with her unconscious, unless he planned to break into her house, there was only one thing he had left to do now. He hated that he was going to have to do it, knew that the punishment would be keen, but what other option did he have now? He had failed little Rey in ways that she had never failed him growing up. So, he picked her up gently and brought her to her own porch, lingering for a few minutes as he looked at her now peaceful in his arms. He brushed the long brown strands from her face and kissed her forehead before shifting her into one arm and pounding on the front door to her house with the other. He did it relentlessly until a light flicked on upstairs and he heard the sounds of movement inside.

Her front door swung open to reveal her grandfather in a dark plaid robe with slippers on his feet. He looked bewildered to see Ben with Rey in his arms and then his shock turned to an anger that made his face go blotchy with rage.

  
“What in bloody hell is the meaning of this?” he thundered at the sight. He attempted to snatch Rey from Ben’s arms, but he clung to her protectively. “Is she-is my granddaughter _drunk_?!”

Ben stared back at the old man sullenly, refusing to back down, but saying, “It was _my_ fault. I-I tricked her into it.”

That went about as well as a lead balloon and her grandfather seemed very close to hitting him. “How _dare_ you? I should-I should call the police on you, you foul little-“

“Do it, then,” Ben replied, challenging him with his eyes. “I probably deserve it. But-“ and he softened then, “Let me-let me take her inside at least.”

“I most certainly will not,” roared the man in front of him. “Give her to me this instant.”

“No,” Ben said more firmly this time. “Look, you’ll probably break a hip if try to take her up the stairs. Just let me do this and you won’t see me again. I promise.” He could tell that Mr. Palpatine was incensed at the insinuation of his frailty but gave in to the sense of the matter. Ben pushed past him and trudged up the stairs, a mirror of the inside of his own home, and took Rey to the bedroom that he knew must be hers. He laid her down gently and it pained him to leave then, going back down the stairs two at a time with his long legs.

“Leave my granddaughter alone,” the old man growled at him. “You can destroy your own life, but you will never bring her into it again.”

“Yeah, fine, whatever,” Ben tossed back angrily and stormed back to his own house. Hux and Phasma were all over each other in the laundry room and Nastia refused to even look at him, let alone touch him. He fumed in his bed that night and was woken up later that morning by his mother coming in and yelling his full name, “Benjamin Henry Solo, you wake up _this_ instant!”

He was jolted back to the present by Rey’s sad expression at the distance that years of separation had placed between them. He coughed a bit and said, “I’m….I’m sorry, for _everything_ , Rey.”

“It’s ok,” she sighed with a bittersweet smile, “I, erm, I wasn’t exactly innocent. I could have told you no, but…I didn’t, so I suppose we learned our lesson.”

“Yeah, I guess,” he responded and there was a nervous energy between the two of them. Ben searched for something to talk about and landed on an innocuous enough topic, “So, uh, how have you been? You’re in college now, right? Any big plans?”

Rey lit up at the mention of her schooling and started, “Yes, actually. I, erm, well I’m hoping to get a copy-editing position in the city when I graduate.”

“Copy editing? What brings this on?” he inquired; his interest piqued by her obvious excitement.

“Well, I’m studying literature right now, and what I really want more than anything is to be able to help tell other people’s stories. If I get a job as a junior editor at a publishing house, I could do that. I could help shape the face of our generation’s fiction, maybe even find the next Hemingway or Dickens,” she breathed, and he could see the passion for her chosen career path. “I’ve wanted to do this since high school, really.”

“Wow, Rey,” he replied, caught up in her fervor, “I’m sure-I’m sure you’ll be great.”

“Enough about me,” she said seeming a bit embarrassed now, “What about you? Your mother said you just finished grad school?”

  
“Yeah,” he replied, “Um, technical engineering and software development. I’m going into business with Hux in New York. I’ve put everything I have into it and I think we could really make something.” He began to relay his own plans and dreams about how his tech start up could change business forever and she smiled at him sweetly.

They had somehow arrived at her friend’s house without knowing it and Rey led him up the winding pathway to the front of the house before buzzing the doorbell. He was greeted by familiar faces that he remembered lurking in the windows of Rey’s house during high school and Rey introduced him, “Hey Rose, Kay, you remember Ben, right? I hope it’s alright I brought him along.”

“Is it ever,” Kay said and then Rose elbowed her hard in the ribs.

“Hi, Ben,” Rose said congenially, “It’s nice to see you again. Welcome.” Ben nodded at her with a smile and stepped into the small foyer of the Tico home.

The evening passed as Rey had told him it would. The three girls put on some silly rom-com movies and Ben indulged them but couldn’t really focus on anything except Rey sitting on the floor, leaning against his knees. There were drinks but it was boxed wine that Rose’s sister, Paige, had left the last time she had come home. None of it was really Ben’s cup of tea, or wine as the case may be, but he enjoyed being in the same room as Rey all the same. It was as they played “When Harry Met Sally” however that he started to grow slightly uncomfortable. He knew the gist of the film, but had never actually sat down to watch it and was slightly taken aback when the main male lead uttered _“What I'm saying is--and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form--is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way”_

He cleared his throat and the women in the party looked at him as he tried to hide his blush. “Uh, I’m going to step outside, get some air.” Rose nodded and Ben excused himself out the backdoor in the kitchen. He walked out and remembered that Rey had said the Tico’s had a pool. He stripped his shoes and socks off at the sight and went to the threshold of the aquamarine depths. Ben rolled up his pant legs and sat at the edge, dangling his legs into the warm water. He tried to calm himself, knowing that it was a fucking movie, and just because it seemed incredibly well timed shouldn’t mean…anything, right?

He didn’t hear her approach until she plopped down beside him, sticking her own legs into the water and saying, “Hey, kid.”

He snorted and looked over at the familiar greeting. “That’s _my_ line.”

“Yeah, maybe once it was,” she said playfully, “But you’ll always be a kid to me, Ben.”

He narrowed his eyes mischievously and poked her in the ribs, right where he knew she was most ticklish. She squeaked in surprise and let out a giggle before turning back to him and returning the prod right into his armpit. He jumped a bit and then continued to poke and tickle her in earnest now as she tried to escape him with squeals of laughter. He was holding her in his arms to prevent her getaway when he realized how nice her perfume smelled and slowed down. He looked down at her and she looked up at him with those eyes of hers and he could feel himself leaning down when suddenly a hard shove from her sent him tumbling into the water of the pool. He was completely submerged and swam to the surface in a torrent of bubbles as she laughed from the edge. She was smirking at him, as he gasped for breath.

“Rey!” he called, a little irked and she just flashed him a toothy grin. He furrowed his eyebrows with a smirk and easily pulled himself dripping up the edge of the pool, approaching her like a wolf stalking prey. The laughter died from her face as he said, “Oh, you’re going to get it.” With a squeal she took off running around the pool in her bare feet and he gained on her, grabbing her around the middle and dragging her kicking over to the edge.

“No, Ben! I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” she squealed with laughter as he dangled her over the side.

“Too late,” he said and dropped her from his arms into the deep end, but didn’t expect her to hang on to him like a baby chimp clinging to its mother, making him fall for a second time into the chlorinated water. When he resurfaced, he spit out water and grinned at her.

“That’s what you get,” she sniffed, smiling at him too. She swam to the ladder and stepped out, her soaked dress clinging to her legs and backside in a way that was almost obscene. He tread water for a minute just watching her move around and felt something warm swell inside of himself. Rey wrung out her hair and then came over to lend him a hand to pull himself out of the pool. He took it gratefully and liked the feeling of her hand, so small in his own. He tossed his hair like a wet dog, splashing water on her and she shoved him in the shoulder. He smiled before slicking his locks backwards and following her into the house.

“If you wanted to go swimming, you could have just told us,” Rose said with a laugh upon seeing the two of them reenter completely sopping.

“Ben tossed me in,” Rey said cheekily, giving him a smirking side eye.

“Yeah, after you pushed me first,” he retorted with a laugh. “Fair’s fair.”

Rey grinned, replying, “I suppose so.” She turned her attention to Rose. “Towels still in the same place?” Rose nodded and Rey took off down a hallway, returning with two fluffy white bath towels in hand. Ben held out his hand reflexively and she shook her head, holding it out of his reach. “Ah, ah, the magic word.”

“Gimmee,” he responded and snatched it from her hands. She grinned and let him take it with ease. Ben put it over his head, rubbing it roughly over his hair to get the majority of the water off. He was going to say something else but was interrupted by the sound of the doorbell going off. Rose flitted to open the front entry and let out an excited shriek.

“You guys finally made it!” she said, and Ben watched as two men, probably Rey’s age if only slightly older walked inside. The first, a stocky boy with his dark hair cropped tightly to his head, pressed a deep kiss to Rose’s mouth. The second caught sight of Rey and his face lit up. Rey walked over to him happily and he caught sight of her appearance.

“Woah, Rey, you know you’re supposed to take your clothes _off,_ before you go swimming,” he joked, and Rey pushed him lightly. The man chuckled and pulled her in for a hug that made the beast in Ben’s chest growl. Rey didn’t resist, however, and pressed a chaste kiss to his mouth. It didn’t take him long after this exchange to catch sight of Ben and he made eye contact with him with an odd expression and quirk of his brow.

Rey looked between them, sensing a tension and put her hand on the man’s arm saying, “Poe, this is my old friend Ben. Ben, this is my boyfriend, Poe.” Of course. Just his luck. Of course, a girl as beautiful as Rey had a boyfriend already. He tried to school his expression from one of jealousy or surprise to one of bored nonchalance.

“Nice to meet you,” he said.

“Likewise.”

* * *

Ben enjoyed the feel of Rey under him as he pressed her to the side of his garage. Between her grandfather, her work schedule and his own hours at the garage they had to sneak these little moments. He hadn’t told his parents about their involvement just yet either, not because he was ashamed of it, but more that he wanted to keep her to himself for just a while longer.

They hadn’t yet gone further than kissing and groping one another, because Ben wanted to take his time getting to know her in every new way. Plus, the thought of trying to sleep together in his tiny boyhood bedroom or hers with her grandfather down the hallway wasn’t exactly an appealing idea, nor was taking her outside like this where anyone could walk in on them.

She sighed softly and he probably could melt right there in her embrace. It had been a week since the incident at Plutt’s and they were drawn to each other like magnets. He drove her around for those three days while her car was being repaired and they would inexplicably find themselves tangled up each time they were alone.

This time she had seen him taking the trash out the backdoor and had surprised him from behind. Her hands had snaked in front of his eyes, but the fact that she had to reach up on tip toe and lean on him to do it had been a dead giveaway. She had let out a shriek of delight when he dropped the trash bag and whirled around to kiss her and silence her so his parents wouldn’t hear. They had moved in sync until she was pinned against the vinyl siding, his hands sliding up her sides.

Her hurried breathing was warm on his face as he moved from her lips to her jawline and then to the spot right below her ear. He nipped at the sensitive skin there, and she was like a live wire underneath him. His heart raced as he felt her hands trace down from his chest to skim the front of his jeans. He responded involuntarily to her touch and she let out a soft little laugh at the noticeable twitch under her hand. He bit down a little bit harder on her neck and the laugh transitioned to a moan.

He had wanted to tell her something, ask her something, but right now with her squirming in front of him, he couldn’t remember. Not with her hands there where his past-self would never have even considered this particular girl thinking about let alone rubbing him over his clothing in a steady rhythm. He let his own hands drift to the delicate curves of her chest. She hadn’t put a bra on or had left it inside her house and he wondered if she had been planning this ambush for long. Either way, he felt the supple flesh of her breast in his palm and wanted to groan with frustration. His thumb worked over the surface of the tank top she was wearing, moving in little circles over the hardening nub in a way that made her give a breathy little whimper.

“I want you, Ben,” she said so quietly that he might have missed it if he wasn’t attuned to her every noise. Just hearing those words though from her lips made his brain feel like it was completely shut down.

“I want you too,” was all he could muster in the haze of lust that she brought down upon him. He was moving his lips over hers again, feeling as they moved in a rhythm. He liked the way she tasted as he flicked his tongue over hers in a dance.

He wasn’t mentally prepared for the way she began to fumble with the button and fly of his jeans and reflexively brought his hand down to clasp her wrist, stopping her. She looked up at him with a little pout and he tried to clear his head rather than kissing it from her lips. His eyes darted to the back door of his house, knowing that his parents were somewhere behind it and could feasibly walk out at any second. “Not here,” he breathed into her lips.

“Where?” she asked, her voice impatient in a way that send an electric tingle through him. He planted soft kisses on her lips, and she softened under him. He was starting to remember what he had wanted to ask her and tried to take the time to bring it to the front of his mind again.

“Let me take you out first,” he breathed, backing up to see her reaction in the dim light of the back patio. “I want to date you, Rey.” He brushed his fingertips over her lips and then caressed his knuckles along her cheekbone. She leaned into his touch looking up at him, and she smiled, nodding.

“Okay,” she replied as if he’d said something incredibly romantic, and she was pushing a piece of his hair from his face. “When?”

He tried to focus but was losing his train of thought again as she began to twirl her fingers at the nape of his neck, gently scratching at his scalp with her nails. This woman was going to be the death of him, he knew it. Finally, he got out, “Tomorrow?” before placing another deep kiss on her lips. Her answer was delayed as he pulled her close to nip at her bottom lip. Two could play at this game.

She nodded into his lips and he smiled, finally breaking the embrace.

“And you’re sure?” Rey said, swaying back and forth in his arms, and running her fingers from his hair down the side of his neck and making his forearms erupt in gooseflesh. She pressed herself onto her toes, breathing into his ear, “Really sure?” He groaned and she smiled at the payoff for her efforts.

“You’re a tease, you know that?” he said, and she just flashed him an innocently offended look before grinning. She kissed him on the cheek before disentangling herself and turned to wave goodnight. Ben pinched at the place where her thighs met the curve of her backside with his fingers, making her jump a bit and laugh. She blew him a kiss before reentering her house and he fell back against the side of his own house. He wondered absently when he’d fallen completely and totally head over heels for this girl. He didn’t know if there really was a starting point per se. Maybe it was something that had happened gradually over time when he had still been too blind to see how far down the rabbit hole he truly was. But now…. He had to stop himself from letting the sentiment just slip out. He didn’t want to scare her off, after all.

The thought of telling this girl that he loved her both left him elated and simultaneously terrified. It wasn’t something that he’d told Bazine, or Nastia, or any of the other women he’d slept with or dated. This was _Rey,_ and there was so much shared history between them that it should come as no surprise that when he’d finally realized he had fallen, he was already bracing for impact. He wondered if her feelings for him were equally strong, but she’d had ten years to get over them before they had finally reached this place together.

He returned to the task he had been assigned, dragging the heavy black bag to the garbage can by the garage and wondered if it would seem odd to his parents if he went to bed now. Not that he planned on sleeping just yet. He sidled through the living room, saying goodnight to his parents and watched as they gave him peculiar looks. Ben took the stairs two at a time as he went up to his room, now looking a great deal more lived in than when he had arrived nearly three months prior.

Her crossed the room to the familiar window and shoved it up, poking his head out to see if hers was similarly open in the dry August heat. He smirked seeing that she had left it up; she did that for him, he knew. He saw her in her bedroom, flitting about, moving things from her closet to set them on the bed. He could watch her in this voyeuristic sort of way all night, just seeing how she moved when she didn’t think she was being watched, but he had other aims.

So, he ripped out a piece of paper from the notebook on his desk, not caring that it ripped just slightly too much in one corner. He took a permanent marker from his desk and ripped the cap off with his mouth, scrawling out the words _‘Read to me’_ in large print. With practiced hands he folded it into his signature plane, one he’d figured out had the best flight capability. Ben positioned himself at the window and cocked his arm back like he’d done countless times before. There was only about twenty feet between their windows, maybe less, but a stray gust of wind would knock the airplane off course. He judged his throw and sent the plane flying straight into its target and waited patiently for her to see it.

It didn’t take very long; the plane had settled on the pile of things she was contemplating and when she turned again, she started slightly to see it sitting there. Her look of surprise turned to a radiant smile, and she quickly unfurled the plane and darted her eyes over the words. She looked up then to see him at the window knelt on her bed, leaning over the sill to look at him with amusement in her eyes.

“You’ve never asked me to read to you before,” she stated, her voice only slightly louder than normal.

“I want to hear your voice,” he replied, and smiled at the telltale blush that crept across her face. “I could listen to you all night long.”

“What do you want me to read?” she asked, and he thought about it for a moment.

“Whatever you’re reading right now. I don’t care,” he said, and she got really quiet at this.

“That seems dangerous,” she joked to cut the tension, “What if I’m reading something naughty?”

“Even better,” he said, and she laughed out loud. “So, what are you reading? I know you’re reading something; you always are.”

She cleared her throat hemmed and hawed at him. “I don’t know, Ben…it’s a bit…personal….”

“You can tell me,” he pushed. “Please?”

“Fine,” she sighed, relenting under his pleading gaze, and disappeared for a moment to pull her book from her bedside table. She came back, and opened the tome to the bookmark, “It’s ‘Persuasion’. Have you read it before?”

“No, but I’ve heard of it,” he responded, truthfully. “What’s it about?”

She was silent for a moment, and he could see the thoughts turning in her head before she responded, “Second chances.” He looked at her, brown eyes meeting hazel and felt an intensity behind her look. He nodded and gestured for her to go on, and she started, “I’m already on chapter seven, but that’s really where it starts to get good. _A very few days more, and Captain Wentworth was known to be at Kellynch, and Mr Musgrove had called on him, and come back warm in his praise, and he was engaged with the Crofts to dine at Uppercross, by the end of another week._ ”

He listened to her read about Captain Wentworth and his first failure with Anne Elliott and it would have made him incredibly dense if he couldn’t pick up on her initial shyness in sharing her book with him. It was blaringly obvious really, and he felt a certain level of bashfulness in hearing her speak about a love lost over the course of nearly a decade and rediscovered. He fell asleep listening to her, and her words slowed down as well as the hours of the night drew on toward the dawn. When he woke up the following morning, he noticed that Rey had shut the window at some point and was probably already up and moving about her daily routine.

He stretched and got himself dressed for another day at the garage with his father. He wandered down in the old jeans that had spots of motor oil on them, made himself some toast, and sat down where his parents were already eating a light breakfast. They were more at peace now he’d come to realize, then they’d ever been during his upbringing. He tried not to be too resentful, but the thought always seemed to sit there in the back of his mind that they had only found this peaceful coexistence since his departure from the house.

He sat, fumbling with the words that he wanted to say, absently scratching behind Chewie’s ears, the great newfoundland seated beside him in an attempt to solicit any scraps made available. His parents could see his anxiety and while his father like him wouldn’t push for the information, his mother was far more forward.

“Ben, was there something you wanted to talk with us about?” she asked, and he knew that she would wheedle it out of him eventually.

He decided to finally rip the band-aid off and blurted, “I’m dating Rey.” He looked between his parents and was surprised to find that they _didn’t_ look very surprised at all. Frankly, they looked damned pleased at the news.

“Well, that’s wonderful,” his mother replied sincerely, and his father clapped him on the back as if to silently say _‘atta boy’._

“What, no lecture? No asking if I’m making the right choice?” he asked, looking first from one to the other. Doing things that his parents approved of was never really Ben’s strong suit

“We both think Rey is a perfectly wonderful girl,” his mother chided. “I mean, honestly, Benjamin, what did you _think_ we were going to say? Besides, it’s not exactly like something like this hasn’t come up between your father and I before; we certainly couldn’t encourage either of you when you were younger, but you were both always fast little friends. It seemed like this might _eventually_ be the natural progression of things.”

Ben cleared his throat and looked anywhere but his parents, but could feel the blood heating up his face and making the tips of his ears, gloriously hidden beneath his longer hair, go bright red. He tried not to think too deeply about how long his parents had been speculating about he and Rey’s…. relationship, and instead when he could train his face back into some semblance of calm turned to his father. “I need to ask you for a favor.”

His father looked nearly taken aback. Ben didn’t ask for anything from his parents; even when he’d been drowning in debt, nearly ready for the wave of financial ruin to take him, he still hadn’t _asked._ His mother had found out from her own sources and his parents had reached out to him. So, for him to ask anything was new territory for everyone. “Sure, kid, what do you need?”

“It’s for Rey,” he prefaced, and somehow it made the asking easier. “She needs a new job, one that will work with her grandfather. I can’t give you any details, but she needs one as soon as possible. I was wondering if you could talk to Uncle Lando, see if he could find her a place? She’s got bartending experience, if that helps.” He tried not to blush at the _experience_ that Rey had, trying to keep from telling his parents something that wasn’t his to tell.

Han scratched his chin absently and said, “Sure thing. Lando owes me a favor still, since I saved that old Lincoln of his last year.”

“He still drives that thing?” Leia said distastefully.

“Yeah, he says it’s a real- oof,” Han was cut off by his wife halfway through whatever he was going to say, and she gave him a sharp look as if to say, _‘Not in front of your son’._ Ben was almost thirty and was fairly sure that whatever his Uncle called his old car, he’d probably heard worse, but that didn’t mean he wanted to think about it all the same. He repressed a shudder, internally thanking his mother’s sense of propriety.

“Anyway,” Ben said, returning the conversation back to safer ground, “Just…let me know when you hear back from him... please.”

He stood up and hastened out the door, hearing Han call, “Hey kid, how’s it gonna look if you’re there before your old man?” Ben had plans that night, and needed the shop to himself to get them done.

His preparations didn’t take as long as he had anticipated, mostly because he was worried about being walked in on and stepped down casually from the loft above the garage to find a familiar face waiting for him.

“So,” she drawled out, “I _think_ I heard my car making a weird noise. And I was commanded to bring it immediately back in should any more issues arise.” She swayed in the open frame of the garage doors, smiling impishly at him.

“Oh, well that’s definitely a predicament,” he smiled, stepping into her space. He leaned into her face, skimming the tip of her nose with his own and then snatched her keys from her hand, backing up just as quickly. If someone could look put out and amused at the same time, Rey could certainly give them lessons. She laughed at his antics and followed him back to her waiting vehicle.

Ben turned it over and noted that the car sounded fine, just the way that he and Han had left it only a few days prior. He stepped out and handed her back her keys with a sigh, “Well, I’m sorry to say, ma’am, but your car is doing just fine. Nothing sounds even a little bit off.”

“Oh, what a pity,” she whispered and backed him into the car. “I guess, I’ll just have to find another excuse to come here tomorrow.” He did kiss her at this and smiled into her open mouth. Whenever he kissed her it felt like something was locking into place in his life and there was an overwhelming sense of _rightness_. He pulled her into him, his arms wrapping around her waist and back to envelop her. She pulled away first, but only shifted back enough so she could see his face without craning her neck upwards at an unreasonable angle.

“I told my parents about us,” he started, pushing a strand of her brunette locks behind her ear.

Rey bit her lip at the news and gazed at him for a moment before saying, “And what did they say?”

Ben snorted and shrugged, “They didn’t seem surprised. Said they’d been expecting it for a while.” Rey smiled at that and shifted to her toes to give him a chaste little peck on the lips.

“Good, because I’d be terrible at keeping _this_ ,” she gestured to their intertwined bodies, “a secret much longer. It would probably get pretty awkward if your dad walked in on us kissing. I’d have to come up with some elaborate excuse that would probably involve me kissing the entire garage.”

He rolled his eyes at this, “You could try. Not that I’d let you get very far.” She smiled and leaned into him, wrapping her arms around his waist and burying her face in his chest. She nuzzled at him and he kissed the top of her head. “So, tonight?”

“Yes?” she asked, looking back up at him.

“I’ll come pick you up after your grandpa goes to sleep?” he looked at her and she looked contemplative for a moment, tapping her chin as if she might say no. He knew she wouldn’t, but it still sent a sliver of anxiety into his stomach.

“I’d have to say….yes, absolutely,” she replied. She gave him another kiss before getting back into her car. She rolled the window down, “Now, I better go get everything in order.” She waved goodbye to him and he thought apprehensively about the plans that he had in place for their evening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that it took me a few days to get this one out. But 8k+ words in this one, so I hope it was worth the wait :)


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you get squicky about Poe, skip the flashback scene.

Rey looked from Ben to Poe and could feel the rising tension in the constricted confines of the car. Ben had said he was going to head home, and she had replied that she needed to go back too to change into something dry. Poe had said he could drive both of them, and Ben had shrugged, accepting the offer. She supposed from Poe’s perspective, the fact that she and Ben were both dripping wet might suggest _something_ , but how did she explain that Ben didn’t and had never viewed her in that way?

“So….Ben,” Poe said, his voice maintaining that easy calm despite the way that he was holding on to Rey’s hand in the front seat. “How long have you two known each other?”

Ben looked at Rey then at her boyfriend, answering, “Fifteen years, give or take.”

“Hmm,” was Poe’s only response. He pulled up along the curb at Rey’s house and Ben got out of the back of the car where he looked almost comically cramped. He stretched his long limbs and turned to look almost expectantly at Rey. She could feel Poe’s hand on her forearm and Rey waved Ben to go back to his house. He shrugged and walked away from the car as Rey turned her attention back to Poe.

“Hey, so,” Poe started, seeming uncomfortable with the conversation, “I don’t have anything to worry about, right?”

Rey cocked her head and Poe sighed, inclining his head toward the direction Ben had walked in, “You and him. It seems like there’s some….history….there.”

“Oh, erm,” Rey started, her cheeks flushing, “I-well-Ben has never….he’s never seen me like _that._ He’s always acted like an older brother to me, nothing more.”

Poe looked like he wanted to say something to that, but refrained, instead saying, “Rey, I don’t really consider myself a jealous guy. We haven’t been dating that long, either. If you’re not sure about us, you just need to let me know.” He stroked her hair and she leaned into his hand. “I just want you to be honest with me.”

Rey took a deep breath, looking into Poe’s eyes, his compassionate eyes. He’d been her friend for longer than they’d actually been dating. She didn’t really talk about her life back here when she was at school, but she couldn’t lie to him when he was asking her so directly for her candor. “I…I did have feelings for him, once,” she started slowly. “I was very young, though, and he never returned my feelings. I want to try with you. Because I can’t spend my entire life waiting for Ben Solo to look at me like I’m a girl instead of the bratty kid next door.”

“Okay,” Poe replied and kissed her knuckles. She smiled at the touch. Poe was nice to her and she did like spending time with him and Finn and Rose. They had started dating in the Spring after they had both been slightly inebriated at a party and had ended up making out. Poe had been her first and she could still remember how gentle he had been, talking her through it and making sure she was comfortable the entire time. Poe had had other girlfriends before, but he was kind and safe. He made her feel wanted and for now that was enough.

“Erm, I’m sort of tired, Poe,” she said to him. “I think I’m just going to go shower the pool water off and go to bed. We can meet up tomorrow though, okay?”

“If that’s what you want, sure,” he replied, and Rey pressed a small kiss to his lips. She nodded and waved to him as she walked up the way to her house.

She nearly jumped out of her skin as she heard the soft, “Hey,” call to her from the shadows of his driveway.

“Jesus Christ, Ben,” she looked at him sharply, clutching her chest. “You can’t do that to me. You scared the shit out of me.”

“Sorry,” he replied flatly, and she got the impression from his tone that he wasn’t sorry at all. He walked out into the moonlight and strode over to her side. He fidgeted in place for a while before saying, “So that guy…”

“Poe?” she asked him, her heart coming down from the surprise he had given her.

“Yeah,” Ben responded, pressing forward. “How did you two…meet, I guess?”

“Well,” Rey started, thinking back to her freshman year at Northwestern. “He was our RA when I first started at school. Finn was his roommate and he, Finn that is, and Rose really hit it off. We all hung out a lot and we’ve been friends for three years or so now. He kissed me at a party before school ended and we’ve been dating for a few months now.” It seemed like a neat telling of the tale and she didn’t think that Ben really needed the particulars about how she had been a little drunk when she had kissed Poe the first time. Or that if she closed her eyes, she could sometimes picture that Poe’s gentle touches were Ben’s. He definitely didn’t need that last part.

“Oh,” Ben said, and she wondered if she was hearing his irritated tone correctly or not. “So, it’s pretty serious then.”

“Well, I don’t know yet,” Rey answered honestly, “It _might_ be, but it’s still a bit soon, I think.” She watched as Ben ran a hand through his hair, looking anywhere but at her. A thought struck her then, a thought that made some little spark of hope flare up inside of her. She steeled her nerves and bit her lip anxiously but finally brought the words out, dragging them from the hidden parts of herself, “So, I know this is probably going to sound really stupid, but….Poe thought-well he thought that there was something _going on_ between us, and I really wanted to sort of talk with you about it.” Ben looked at her for a long time and his features were trained into ones of vague interest at her words. If he felt something at her asking him, he didn’t show it.

“So….is there something…. going on?” she pressed, wishing at that moment that had the ability to read minds.

He was silent for a while longer and then looked her in the eyes. “No. Nothing. I just….I think of you like my sister, Rey. Nothing more. You’re-you’re just a kid.” She felt something inside of her drop at his words and shrivel up. She thought back to the way she’d felt when he had brought his girlfriend home with him, how she’d felt when she had been banned from seeing him any longer and thought that both of those moments were a sharper pain than now at least. She had been much more forward with her feelings in those days, but time and separation had allowed her to begin stamping out her longing for him. She’d began to think about boys other than Ben Solo while at school. And now she had only let the little flicker of hope come back because of what Poe had said to her. But it was just a dream. The pain she felt now was much duller, really just a confirmation that everything was completely one-sided.

She took a deep breath before saying, “Oh. Good… Well, I’m glad we…talked about it.” She patted at her sides and fidgeted before turning away. She began to shiver a bit from the way her clothes were still damp. “Erm…I’m kind of cold; I’ll just go inside now, okay Ben?” He nodded and she made her trek back up the slope of her grandfather’s yard, waiting until she was inside for a few tears to trail down her cheeks. She rubbed them angrily from her eyes, frustrated at the disappointment that she had occasioned, and marched up the stairs. She should never have asked him because he had never given any indication that he had changed his feelings towards her and now she was feeling sorry for herself. She went into her room and looked at the window and even though she knew it was a childish thing to do, shut her curtains. She let herself cry for a bit in the shower though, after she’d stripped off her soaking sundress, and she promised herself that she would do better the next day to put her crush behind her for good. After all, it wasn’t Ben’s fault that he didn’t feel the same way that she did. She went to bed wrapped in her fluffy robe and curled up with a pillow, trying to will away the sad thoughts.

The next day she awoke feeling better than the night before; Rey wasn’t one to wallow in self-pity. She dressed herself and wandered down to meet her grandpa who had been overjoyed for her to come spend some time with him before she headed on vacation with her friends. She found him in his den and saw the masterpiece he was assembling. Rey wondered how long the frigate that he was building had taken him without her but didn’t have to wait very long to find out. As if reading her mind, he set down the little paper sails and flipped up the magnifier that was in front of his glasses.

“It’s just not the same without my first mate,” he told her, and she smiled at him, taking her normal seat at the workbench.

“Well, let me help you then,” she replied and took a look at his progress so far. She furrowed her brow slightly as she picked up the little wooden base and began to inspect the sails. “Grandpa, you have these misplaced; your mainsail and your foresail are backwards.” She removed the little paper sails and switched them, wondering how so an experienced a small boat builder would make that kind of mistake. She internally shrugged it off though; the two little paper pieces _did_ look remarkably similar to the untrained eye. Perhaps it was just done in haste.

“You’re too good to me, Rey,” he responded and put his hand on hers. She held it, noticing the thinness that had begun to take hold in his usually strong hands.

“Well, grandpa, I suppose I should go find my friends now,” she said, giving his hand a little squeeze before standing up. “We’ll be getting ready to leave tomorrow morning.” Her grandfather nodded and she gave him a little hug before heading out the door, prepared to walk to Rose’s house where her friends were all staying.

Rey emerged into the morning sunshine and shook out her long brown hair. It lay in soft waves about her face since she had let it air dry the night before. She looked over and spotted Ben outside with the Solos’ new puppy. He seemed to be frustrated with the tiny brown dog that resembled a powder puff.

“Just go already,” he commanded but the little dog merely cocked its head and let out a little whine before going back to sniffing at the grass and following an errant grasshopper.

“Good morning,” she said softly as she approached him. He turned and started as he looked at her and then his mouth turned down into a frown.

“Um, hey,” he replied, distracted from the little dog that had started to roll about on its back on the lawn. “Listen, about last night-“

“Oh,” she said, cutting him off, “Erm, can we just forget that?” He looked away from her and ran his hand through his hair. “I erm, I get it. Let’s just…put it behind us okay?”

He looked at the ground then and nodded slightly. She began to turn to walk away and then impulsively turned back. “Hey, Ben?”

“Yeah?” he asked looking up at her with his eyes the color of liquid chocolate.

She tried to ignore the power that those eyes still held over her as she said, “Tonight’s my last night in town. We’re, erm, well, we’re going to Maz’s tonight. You could-you could come along if you wanted. I don’t know when we’ll see each other again since you’re going to New York, and I’ll be heading back to Chicago.”

“Oh, um,” he seemed at a loss for words.

“Just… think about it, okay? We’ll be there around seven,” she said cautiously, and turned to leave now for real.

The day passed by quickly with her friends to keep her occupied. They swam (in bathing suits this time) and Rey enjoyed the attention that she got from Poe. He was an attentive boyfriend and she appreciated it in contrast to the one-sided affection that she had for Ben. When she was with Poe, Rey let herself forget for a while the hurts that she harbored. Eventually, they finished playing in the pool and piled into Poe’s car to make their way to Maz’s despite the short distance.

Rey looked around with expectant eyes when they arrived and tried to hide her disappointment when she didn’t spot him. Poe took her hand and she smiled at him, leading him to a booth where the five of them all crowded in and waited for Maz herself to come take their orders. She allowed herself to be swept up in the excitement that comes with an oncoming trip and the group devolved into raucous laughter and shouting from the boys that had Rey grinning. She felt Poe’s hand on her knee and smiled at him as he gave her a little wink.

A song came on the jukebox that had Kay, Rose and Finn all going to dance in the little makeshift dancefloor where Maz usually just piled extra chairs and Poe squeezed Rey’s hand. He gestured to the door with his head and smiled, and she nodded. He went out first and she followed not long after, looking over her shoulder apprehensively to see her friends still sufficiently distracted.

She wandered over to find Poe waiting for her by his car and he pulled her in close to kiss her. He tasted like the mint he was still sucking on and she accepted it from him when he passed it to her through their connected lips. She laughed a bit at this, backing up from him and then something caught her eye over his shoulder.

“Ben!” she called, and Poe clutched at her hand. He looked at her with something like sadness in his eyes as he squeezed it and let her go. Rey paused for a moment, then tried to chase after the tall figure who was hurriedly stalking away from the diner. She had to put on a burst of speed to catch up to him and when she did, she called to him again, breathless, “Ben. Stop.”

  
He turned to look at her, his face unreadable. She bent double to hold the stitch in her side. “Where are you going? You just got here,” was what she managed to get out between hard breaths.

“Sorry, Rey,” he said, his face apologetic, “I just-This was a mistake. I shouldn’t be here.”

“What do you mean?” she asked him, unsure of where all of this was coming from.

“Nothing. Just…just go back to your boyfriend, ok? I’ll, um-I’ll see you around,” he replied, turning away and walking back in the direction of their houses. And then she was left standing there alone.

* * *

Rey held up a couple of options from her closet, biting her lip at her own indecision. She had no idea where Ben was going to be taking her, so she had no idea what exactly she should be wearing. She had a few dresses leftover from her time in Chicago, but she also had some more laid-back outfits.

> > **Rey:** Will you give me a hint?
> 
> > **Ben:** Nope. It’s a surprise. You’ll just have to wait.
> 
> > **Rey:** No fair :/ Will you at least let me know if I need to dress up? Otherwise I’ll have no choice but to roll out of here naked.
> 
> > **Ben:** Is that a promise?
> 
> > **Rey:** TELL ME
> 
> > **Ben:** Fine, fine. But just so you don’t get arrested for public indecency. Wear something you can move around in.
> 
> > **Rey:** Was that so hard?
> 
> > **Ben:** Torture

Rey laughed at her boyfriend’s antics. She still wasn’t used to the word and it felt good rolling off her tongue. Ben was her boyfriend now. _Her_ boyfriend. There was a part of her that reveled in the new claim given that this had been thirteen years in the making on her end. It all still felt new and strange to her, but in the best possible way.

She finally settled for a romper in a floral pattern and her converse sneakers. She’d be able to move around _and_ look slightly feminine she concluded. She checked the time; it was nearly time to give her grandfather his evening pills, pull him away from the reruns looping through the same boxy TV he’d owned for the last twenty-five years, and tuck him into bed. She floated down the stairs and gently shook her grandfather’s shoulder as he dozed in front of the television set, small snores coming from him. He looked around, his face blank with confusion and fear for a moment before he saw her and relaxed.

“Come on, grandpa, time for bed,” she said softly, and he nodded, rocking himself out of the seat. She held under his arm as they moved up the stairs one at a time. At eighty, her grandfather wasn’t completely frail, despite his worsening dementia, but she still felt better assisting him in this way. She helped pick out his sleeping clothing and handed them to him, giving him some privacy as he changed. When she was fairly certain he was finished she came back into the bedroom and helped him place his dentures in solution, his hearing aids on the nightstand, and settle into his bed. Lastly, after the lights were out she discreetly turned on the sensor outside the door of his bedroom that would alert her cellphone if there was any movement.

She smiled to herself at a job well done for the day and then wandered to the bathroom to apply the makeup that she was still self-conscious wearing around her grandfather. She curled her hair and primped herself with less makeup than she would normally wear at Plutt’s but decided at the last second to wear the red lipstick. She had a sneaking suspicion that Ben wouldn’t mind and stood back to admire her handiwork.

As if on cue she heard a knocking downstairs and had to consciously stop herself from bolting down the stairs as a thrill of anticipation shot through her. She slung her small purse over her shoulder and threw open the front door ecstatically. Ben was fidgeting there, with a nervous energy about him.

He took a breath upon seeing her and said, “Wow…you look-you look beautiful.”

She felt the blush tingle on her cheeks and found herself smiling at the ground at his compliment. “Thank you. So…shall we?”

“Uh, yeah,” he stumbled over the words, as if just remembering their purpose for the night. He held his hand out to her and she took it, intertwining her fingers with his and something happy fluttered in her chest at the feeling.

“So, where are we going?” she asked, leaning on his shoulder and holding onto his arm with her free hand.

“We have a couple of stops,” he said cryptically, and she sighed. Their walk in the late summer heat was nice. Ben had switched into one of the nice pairs of his jeans that he owned, dark faded and clean of motor oil, and he was wearing a button up shirt with the sleeves rolled up. She liked looking at his forearms, taut with muscle from the work he’d been doing at the Falcon. He led her into downtown Chandrila and the corner of her mouth tugged down as she looked at the Cantina Bar where he was stopping.

“You’re taking me to a…dive bar?” she asked him skeptically. She wondered what Ben’s definition of romance was and looked at him quizzically.

“No, this is just a pit stop,” he reassured her. “There’s someone I need to talk to first, and then we can start our date.”

“Okay,” she replied, wariness heavy in her voice. He pulled her inside the hazy atmosphere and walked up to the bar.

“Just-just wait here for a moment,” he said, holding his hands out as if she might make a break for it if he looked away. Rey merely nodded and pulled herself onto a bar stool. She crossed her ankles and swung her legs as she gestured for him to go on with whatever business he had here.

He disappeared down a hallway off the bar and Rey took the time to actually observe her surroundings. It was cleaner than she had originally thought and was almost homey as far as bars went. There were chandeliers that hung low over the pool tables and green vinyl booths lined the walls. Ben came back quickly with an older gentleman with greying hair and skin the color of a chestnut.

“Rey, this is-“ Ben started.

“Lando Calrissian, owner of this fine establishment,” the man said warmly and took Rey’s hand, not in a handshake but in a hand hold that spoke of grace and chivalry. She saw him run his eyes over her, but he didn’t have the same disgusting blatancy that she was used to at Plutt’s so she didn’t comment. “I hear that you have some skill behind a bar. Care to show me?” He gestured for her to take a place behind the long oaken bar full of small scratches and covered in peanut dust.

She shrugged and walked behind it. The floor wasn’t perpetually sticky like Plutt’s and the bar was stocked with more than the well drinks that the owner of said business was willing to purchase. It also looked like Lando didn’t water down the top shelf.

“So, Rey, right?” Lando came behind her and turned her to look at Ben. “What do you think? A beer man, if I ever saw one.”

She shook her head. “No, only if there isn’t whiskey.” Her hands moved automatically, finding the right ingredients. She dropped a sugar cube into a whiskey tumbler and poured the bitters on top, muddling it slowly. She poured the bourbon into the slurry and stirred ice inside it. Topping it with a twist of orange peel she slid it across the bar with a practiced flair.

Lando quirked an eye and looked at Ben. He nodded and sipped at the Old Fashioned. “You’re just like your old man, I see. Found yourself a smart girl just like him too, nice flair as well. Maybe that one was too easy, though. How about a drink for me?”

Rey looked at the old man for a moment and then smirked. She reached for the right glass and poured ice inside as Lando looked on skeptically. She looked him in the eye as she poured the dry vermouth into the jigger. It was the work of a moment to dump the ice and then swirl the vermouth around the sloping walls of the glass. She maintained her eye contact as she let the excess vermouth fall into the bar sink. Her hands found the cocktail shaker and she let the gin spill into it with a flourish, topping it with ice. Contrary to popular portrayals, Rey knew that the best martinis were always stirred, _not_ shaken. After pouring the chilled liquor in she topped it with an olive and slid it across to Lando.

He sipped it and smiled slowly, “I never tasted anything so cold and clean. They made me feel civilized.”

“That’s Hemingway,” she said, recognizing the quote.

“The man knew his way around a drink,” Lando said with a smile, “And so do you. How would you like to work here for me?”

“I applied here before,” she said, not moving from her spot. “I was told that there were no openings.”

“Well, you hadn’t impressed the owner then,” Lando replied cheekily, “So do you want a job or not?”

She looked at Ben who seemed nervous and then looked back at Lando, “I’d love one.”

“Good,” he nodded and looked at Ben with a wink, “Tell Han we’re even now, but I still think I came out on top as usual.”

Before she could respond to this, Ben was pulling her out of the bar. When they were on the street, she looked at him and said, “You did this for me, didn’t you?”

He shrugged, “I might have called in a favor from my uncle, but what you did in there, that was all you. Do I even want to know how you learned all of that?”

Rey laughed, “My time at Plutt’s has been… _educational_ , to say the least, but Zorii taught me. She told me that the quickest way to a man’s wallet is through his liver or through his-“

“Nah, nah, nah. I think I’ve heard enough,” Ben said, waving at the air as he closed his eyes and furrowed his brows. Rey took the opportunity to step closer to him and when he looked at her again, she stroked his cheek.

“Thank you,” she told him sincerely. She pulled him down to press her lips to his softly and enjoyed how his lips molded around hers. He pulled back and she sighed as he moved away from her.

“Not yet,” he said and tucked her hair behind her ear. “Come on.” She smiled and followed him as he led her down the streets of town. He stopped in front of Empire Strikes, and Rey smirked at him.

“Bowling?” she asked, and Ben nodded.

“If you can think of a better way to have fun while wearing someone else’s shoes, I’m all ears,” he replied, and she laughed.

“Fine,” she relented, “But I’ll have you know I have the best granny throw in the tri county area.”

They walked hand in hand and Ben set about getting their shoe rental sorted as Rey picked out a lane, traipsing down the worn-out carpet of the bowling alley. She trotted down to one that wasn’t occupied and then looked at the little keypad to enter their bowler names. With a grin of playful delight, she feverishly typed and looked up at each entry.

Ben came over with the bowling shoes in hand and looked up at the scoreboard on the TV and his mouth was set in a line that truly showed his lack of appreciation for her sense of humor. This only made her erupt in a fit of giggles. “Really? Ben Bowl-o?”

“It was the best I could come up with,” she shrugged, “Besides, it’s not my fault that you lack the sensitivity to value my comedic stylings.” He rolled his eyes and snorted at her comments, picking up a bowling ball from the rack.

“Ok, comedy genius, are you ready to lose?” he said and tested his swing.

“Oh, wow, for a second there I thought I heard you imply you’re going to beat me, but since that’s clearly impossible, I must have hallucinated it,” she replied cheekily, stripping off her sneakers and switching into the multicolored bowling shoes.

His mouth tugged up at the corner and he gestured to the maple wood lane. “Well, ladies first.”

Rey picked out a bowling ball, noting that it was slightly heavier in her grip than she had anticipated, and took her place with a deep breath. She’d been bowling before, in high school or with her friends in college, but it had been a while and very few people were actually _good_ at bowling. She bit her lip and shot a nervous glance at Ben who quirked his eyebrow with amusement. She turned sharply back to her target and drew her arm back while walking forward with purpose. The ball flew down the lane, listing lazily down the long stretch and she held her breath as she watched the ball drift into three or four pins on the end. She let out a delighted shriek that her ball hadn’t gone into the gutter and turned to look at Ben who clapped for her. She managed to knock down a few more pins with her next throw and tossed her hair with a flourish.

“Try to do better than that,” she gloated, pointing at the seven on the scoreboard and he got up, taking his place at the ball return. He picked up his own bowling ball and with a determined air walked down the line and sent it careening into the pins. All ten pins clattered with a sharp crack and Ben turned to look at her smugly.

“What was that? Sorry, I couldn’t hear you over the sound of me winning,” he said and flashed her his toothy lopsided smile. She scowled at him, but there was no real malice behind it.

They continued to play back and forth, and Rey found that despite his beginner’s luck, Ben wasn’t _that_ much better than her at the game. His only advantage was really his strength and they found themselves in the final frame of their first game fairly evenly matched.

“Ok, loser buys beer,” Rey said and picked up her ball. She managed to get nine of the ten pins and Ben came up behind her to begin his turn.

“A kiss for good luck?” he asked, a roguish grin on his face. Rey thought about it and took his face in her hands. She pulled him in for a deep kiss that made him nearly drop the bowling ball he was holding. She flitted her tongue over his lip and he groaned as his own met hers. She backed away slowly and released him as he blinked at her with a dazed expression. “Now that wasn’t fair.”

She shrugged and gave him a wink, “I want to win. Now go on and take your turn.” She waved her hand to the lane and smiled as he turned to the task, visibly more distracted than before. His first throw resulted in a split on the lane and Rey held her breath as his second throw went down the lane, drifting, drifting and sunk right into the gutter. She nearly screeched as she jumped in victory. He smiled at her enthusiasm and wrapped her in his arms. Rey drew in close, her cheeks hurting from how much she’d been smiling as he pressed his lips gently on hers. His breath was warm, and she felt her knees go weak under her as he brought his hand up to cup her cheek. She wanted to press herself closer but remembered where they were and stepped back. He cleared his throat and she could see the pink in his face that matched her own.

“Did you-did you want to keep playing?” he asked, looking away.

“Um, we could, but my arm is a little sore” she replied and moved her shoulder around in its socket.

Ben nodded at her, seeming a little bit flustered now. “Well, if you want to get out of here, I had…another stop.” She looked at him and it was easy to discern his meeting. She felt her cheeks flame up at the thought of what they had been dancing around for the last week.

“I-We-Well, we could leave…if you want…” she trailed off and he smiled and held his hand out to her. He led her back to the rental desk where they changed back into their regular shoes and placed their bowling shoes side by side on the counter. They walked silently in the warm night air as he rubbed little circles into the back of her hand with his thumb. She leaned into him as they walked and was surprised to find that he had led her back to the Millennium Falcon garage.

Rey looked at him again and he responded to her stare by saying, “I have a plan, trust me.” She followed him hesitantly as he pulled out his keyring and unlocked the office door. She had never been inside the garage at night and she had never seen it as peaceful in its stillness. She followed Ben as he led her to a little staircase at the back of the garage. He flicked on the incandescent lights as they passed, and he opened the door at the top. She walked in to see a worn bed in the corner neatly made.

Ben looked at her and in the dim light she couldn’t see but could hear his blush, “Um, my dad would stay here sometimes if he and my mom got into a really bad fight.” She nodded and moved to go sit on the bed, but he held her arm and she paused. “I thought we could go up here first,” he gestured to a dropped ladder the led to the roof. “Just…give me a second, okay?”

Rey nodded and he scrambled up the ladder ahead of her. She heard Ben moving around and looked up through the skylight as she heard him utter a curse and then finally, “Okay, come up now.” She grasped the rickety ladder and he poked his head through to offer her his arm. She took it and he helped pull her up with surprising strength.

As Rey emerged, and looked around she almost gasped at the set up. Ben had set up several blankets and cushions in the middle of the rooftop and he had lit candles, _actual_ candles, around the perimeter. “What is all this?” she breathed at the sight.

He ran a hand through his hair and looked away, “I just thought that maybe we could look at the stars or whatever.” He cleared his throat and she joined him by the little nest. They knelt down together on the padded surface and he lay on his back as she curled into his side to rest her cheek on the divot of his chest. He absently stroked at her hair and she enjoyed how _solid_ Ben felt beneath her. She could smell the cologne on his shirt and nuzzled in closer, splaying her hand over his chest. As she did so she could hear his heartbeat pick up its tempo and her own responded in kind.

Silence permeated the air and she let her thoughts drift as they held onto each other. Neither one of them was really paying any attention to the sky above them as they lay entwined on that rooftop. When she spoke finally, it almost seemed too loud. “Ben?”

“Hmm?” he questioned and lifted his head to look at her.

“When did you-when did you change your mind…about me?” she asked and seeing the confusion in his eyes she clarified, “When you saw me as more than just a _sister_ , I mean.”

He made a noise in his throat and laid back down to stare at the inky expanse above them. Rey propped herself up on an elbow and leaned on his chest to look at him as he thought. He was silent for such a length of time that at first Rey thought he might not answer, but then slowly he started, “It was-it was before I left for New York, I think. Maybe before then, but that was when I definitely knew.”

She remembered the short time they had spent together then and how her own insecurities had blinded her from seeing what now seemed incredibly obvious. “But, I thought you said-“

“I lied,” he said and there was a tension between them now. “I was scared, I think. What about you? You told me you were happy that this never happened before now.”

“I think we’ve both been a bit scared,” she said softly, bringing her fingers up to graze his face. “I spent so much time thinking you would never want me, and when you didn’t kiss me after that night a few months ago-“

“I wanted to,” he interrupted.

She smiled and continued, “Well, I think I was afraid of losing you as a friend if I kept pushing. But honestly Ben, I think I’ve been in love with you since I was twelve and-“

“You’re in love with me?” he asked suddenly and sat up. Rey froze realizing what had come out of her mouth. She rapidly found herself completely flustered by the admission. They had barely been dating a full week and here she was telling him something she’d kept locked inside of her for the last thirteen years.

“I-I-I,” she stammered, regretting that she hadn’t kept her tongue under better control, “I mean-“ She looked around, panic enveloping her and found herself starting to hyperventilate. What if she had ruined this before it’d even really begun?

Then he was taking her face between his hands and his brown eyes met her hazel, and it was like the oxygen had left her completely. He held her steady, his thumb stroking over her bottom lip. “Rey, do you love me?”

She wondered in the back of her mind if a human heart had ever managed to burst from beating so fast, but he continued to hold her gaze. Finally, she said in a whisper, “Yes.”

“Oh, thank god,” he breathed, and she could feel the tension break in him at her confession. “I-I love you too.”

“You do?” she squeaked out, and he nodded. She didn’t know how these sorts of things were supposed to go, but she thought that they usually didn’t end in crying. Ben seemed bewildered as well as tears sprung forth from her eyes, and then she was sobbing against his chest. He pulled her in close as she clutched at the front of his shirt and he ran his hand over her hair as he made soothing shushing noises.

“Sweetheart, sweetheart, it’s okay,” he said and his touch surrounding her calmed her.

“I’m sorry,” she said her voice still shaky and she dabbed at her eyes with her fingertips. She was very close to his face now. “I just…I’ve waited so long for you to say that to me.”

“I’m sorry it took me so long,” he said, and the corner of his mouth tugged up in that crooked grin that had made her melt for years. She was kissing him then, and he was only stunned for a moment before curling his arms even more firmly around her. She ran her fingers through his hair and the only thought she had was that she wanted to be closer to him. He evidently had the same thought as her and kissed her with a fervor.

When they finally parted for breath her eyes darted to the dark hole in the roof that led back down to the bedroom below. He followed her eyes and cleared his throat. “Sh-shall we?” When Rey nodded at him, he asked “Are you sure?”

Her heart raced as she met his eye. “Absolutely.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back!
> 
> I was having some pretty intense block with this one and hated everything that I was putting down on paper, so naturally I procrastinated by starting two other fics. But my mojo came back last night, and here we are. I think I have a good idea where I want this to go now, so I've put a chapter goal on it finally. I want underestimate rather than overestimate chapter count at this point, so it might go up if I need it to.

Ben was a fiery tumult of emotion as he stormed back to his house. He was full of anger, at her, at himself, at the situation that he’d walked in on as he struggled with feelings that until a two day ago, he didn’t even know he’d possessed.

Of course, these feelings had been there for some time. They had lay quietly, dormant in his heart as he stumbled along his own path in life, but there, nonetheless. They had been waiting for the perfect time to strike, and in the universe’s great cosmic joke, they had chosen the moment when she was unattainable.

It struck him then that perhaps other people had known or predicted this even when he had been blind. Ben’s thoughts drifted then back to that last fateful interaction between he and Rey. She had been so young but had started to resemble the beautiful woman who captured his every thought now. What he’d felt then hadn’t necessarily been the mounting tension that filled him the wicked lust that he felt towards her now. No, then it had been something purer, but strong and boundless still. It had been easy then to reason away the feeling. To say that what he felt for her was only just the protective instincts of an older brother.

But Nastia had known. He had been so excited to bring his girlfriend home with him for Spring Break, had reveled in having someone to drown the aching loneliness he felt whenever he returned to that too big house with the too big silences.

And then he’d slipped and started to talk about Rey. She’d been there when the arguments had spiraled out of hand, when the feelings that they triggered in him had seemed too overwhelming. He couldn’t remember a time when if he was feeling sorry for himself or feeling a bit lonely after a particularly vicious spat that she hadn’t sat beside him and soothed the raw frayed edges of him. It was like she had a sixth sense about these things. And so in thinking about bringing Nastia home with him, was it any wonder that his thoughts went to Rey?

Nastia took it in stride of course, and he tempered his recollections to her by insisting that Rey was his little sister. She was far too young for him after all, and he didn’t want his girlfriend to get the wrong impression. Nastia seemed genuinely interested, pressing him for details of his life in Chandrila, and his friendship with Rey. He indulged her and she laughed and crooned as related how he’d taught Rey to ride a bike (after a few less than successful attempts), how he had played with her as a child making up tales of knights and travels in places far, far away, how he’d help teach her the things that her grandfather would keep sheltered from his precious grandchild.

When the moment of meeting had arrived, Nastia still believed him and had swept Rey up in her arms as she attempted to play the part of older sister. That part didn’t suit her, he’d quickly found out. After the _incident_ , Nastia had refused to speak to him the rest of the night. When she did, it was only to shriek at him in a way that rivaled the way even his own parents had argued. He had seen the look on her face when he returned after arguing with his parents to know that whatever they’d had before she’d met Rey was officially over.

He tersely stepped out of his car, wanting whatever it was between them to just be done so he could sulk in the comfort and privacy of his own bedroom. And Nastia had been a storm cloud of an incredibly turbulent variety. He supposed he deserved it; he knew that he’d been a fucking idiot to drag Rey into his own issues, and even though he wouldn’t admit it to _them,_ his parents were technically right. He thought that Nastia would lob more of the same at him, but what he hadn’t expected were the ludicrous accusations of _feelings._ Because it was truly ludicrous for him to have _feelings_ for Rey. But Nastia had seen the way that he’d held her, as if cradling some precious and fragile artifact, and she told him how fucked it was for him to mess around with a child. She told him that it was disgusting and inappropriate and he had scorned her words. When he’d told her how ridiculous she sounded (because honestly, Rey?) she’d laughed at him derisively. She told him that not only was he sick, but apparently, he was blind too. She had then looked at him with a bitter rage and told him that she had far too much respect for herself to date someone who was obviously in love with somebody else. Then she’d turned on her heel and went inside to pack her bags; she was going to take a bus back to Indianapolis, rather than spend a single minute longer with him, thank you very much. Some undeveloped chivalry had made him offer to at least take her to the bus station, but she flatly refused him, and instead his mother had driven her.

Good riddance, he’d reflected. Who was she to lob those sorts of insinuations at him? She didn’t know Rey or the way that he’d practically had a hand in raising her. She was clearly just being jealous, and he wouldn’t even entertain her wild notions. And so he’d confidently put her words out of his head as the overemotional tripe that it was, and let six years pass by him like a blink of an eye.

But now, he supposed Nastia had her final revenge, because he looked back on it and it was painfully obvious that what he felt for Rey hadn’t been friendship in a long, long time. He didn’t know the exact point that it had morphed into the confusing and tangled web of emotion that he had now, but he suspected it might have been before he left for college. Maybe, seeing her waiting eagerly for him on his return. He comforted himself that it hadn’t been sexual then, just some vaguely possessive romantic idea that barely registered in the back of his mind.

With all of that in mind, he angrily stuffed his suitcase into the back of his car after he left the diner, leaving her behind him as well. He didn’t know why he’d decided to come. It was probably some deep-seated masochistic urge and she had been so earnest when she’d asked him to join her, that far be it from him to deny her anything that she wanted from him. But she had a boyfriend. That much was abundantly clear as he’d approached the diner and seen him with his tongue down Rey’s throat. And he’d wanted to hit something, but it was all his fault wasn’t it? He’d waited too long and said all the wrong things.

He’d told her that he didn’t feel anything for her. She had asked him directly, and if he’d had any sense, he would have admitted his feelings right then and there and spared them all a lot of trouble. But he had been angry and jealous and had lashed out like a child throwing a fit. And then the words had come out of him, and he had wanted to reach out and draw them back in as if he hadn’t said anything. Was it hurt in her eyes? No, it couldn’t be because she’d told him that everything was fine. And she’d left him standing out in his driveway feeling upset and lonely. He had thrown the metal trash can out of his way as he went back inside the house in frustration and spent the evening wishing he hadn’t come back to Chandrila at all.

Then he’d seen her that morning and she looked just as stunning as the day before. She’d come over to him and he’d wanted to apologize, beg for forgiveness, tell her he’d been lying to her and that he wanted to be with her if she’d have him. And she’d told him to forget that she’d ever asked. He’d been surprised at the invitation to join her and her friends that night though, and spent the entire day sulking, whirling between resentful thoughts and hopeful wishes before finally deciding to make the trek to Maz’s diner. They’d come here a thousand times at least throughout the years. She would ride on the front of his bike as children after scrounging up pocket change from around the house, and as teenagers he’d bring her along with him in his car. It had been an easy rhythm then, before he’d seen her as…. well, her. He hadn’t asked to be blindsided by her, and in some ways maybe it would have been better if he hadn’t seen how beautiful she had become or realized how much he’d truly missed out on after their forced separation.

When he’d arrived, he immediately wished that he had just stayed home. There she was, looking so magnificent with her hair coming down in soft waves around her face as she put that face against her boyfriend. Ben wanted to pull her off of him, throw the other man to the ground and lash out like a wounded animal. And then the logical part of his brain had reminded him that he did care about Rey, and if she was happy…. well his own feelings no longer mattered. So, with this mishmash of emotions he’d turned and tried to leave as quietly as possible. He didn’t expect to hear her call out after him though. He turned to find her breathless and wanted to take her in arms then, but…didn’t. Couldn’t. He had turned her away _again_ and left without another word.

Now he was on the cusp of leaving, and he thought viciously that he truly never wanted to come back. He was done with this place, this town. He didn’t even care that he’d miss the stupid party. He’d call his parents later and apologize even if he didn’t think they really deserved it. They weren’t even there right now to watch him leave. He ruffled the puppy’s ears and with a small glance backwards at the house, at her house, he gathered his last bit of free will and nerve and seated himself behind the wheel of his car. He looked at the time. He’d probably have to drive through the night, but he should get to New York by morning.

He only stopped once along the way, to fill his tank and grab a gas station coffee that he downed as soon as it was cool enough to drink. He blinked blearily as he drove through the steep rises and sharp falls of the Appalachian and then the Catskills Mountains. He didn’t feel better when he finally collapsed on Hux’s couch in the city, but he was at least exhausted enough to forget whatever it was that Rey had made him feel.

He spent the next few weeks pointedly not thinking about her or the way that she had smiled and laughed at him during their brief reunion. At first it was like a punishment for her, or more likely for himself, but it was easier to do naturally as time passed and the amount of work that the pair needed to do grew in scope. First it was just putting together their products, a line of business apps that took quite a bit of programming know how on he and Hux’s part. His brain would feel like mush at the end of the day as he thought about lines of script, algorithms and end user function. Then as people actually started to _buy_ their products, it was trying to keep up with the demand. They managed to hire a couple of fresh faces from NYU and it was strange being someone’s _boss._ He hardly knew how to manage himself, let alone an entire new cast of faces.

Anthony Snoke had come along then, and he’d promised to take their little startup to heights that they wouldn’t be able to reach on their own. He had a fancy business degree and a list of happy clients with glowing reviews of his service. It had been like a dream and Ben could already see the baby they’d made of their company soaring. They’d both handed over all of their assets to his care.

“Don’t worry, now you can focus on what you do best,” he’d told them, and Ben was all too happy to hand over the reins. He sunk himself deeply into any new product idea that struck his fancy, toiling away through the long nights, and happy to no longer worry about the day to day drudgery of the finances of his business.

Money started to roll in at the end of that first year. Ben still focused on improving the quality of his products, but now they’d begun to balloon their staff and had moved from that cheap little office space to a partial floor of one of the tall skyscrapers contributing to the skyline on the Hudson.

“Good morning, Mr. Solo,” he’d be greeted by reception each morning before stalking toward the elevators. He’d smile and wave at the ladies who blushed and giggled at his tall form, clad in a new suit that he’d bought with his impressive paychecks. It was easy to forget about Rey when she was a thousand miles away and he could lose himself in the feminine smiles that had followed him since he was seventeen.

One day as he was walking past, he noticed a new girl among the reception pool. He almost did a double take when she made eye contact and found himself drifting over. Those eyes, big round and hazel, drew him over and he found himself leaning down to talk to her. “Good morning, I haven’t seen you around before.”

“Good morning,” the new girl replied and looked up at him from underneath dark lashes as she pushed her blonde hair out of her face. “I’m Becky.”

“Would you like to get coffee with me some time, Becky?” he asked and saw all of the other receptionists staring at the exchange with intent focus. She nodded meekly and he flashed that toothy lopsided grin and watched her melt under it. It was almost too easy.

He did get coffee with Becky but found that despite the way that he could look into those hazel eyes all night, she was insipid in her conversation. She seemed completely happy to talk over everything he had to say, and he found it tiresome that he couldn’t get a word in edgewise. It’s not that she wasn’t _nice,_ but he didn’t think he could make it through another conversation about her favorite reality television show and how he should really watch them with her.

The next couple of years seemed to fly by in a blur as he juggled an entirely new social sphere. Once they had “made it” in the tech world, he was finding himself among the higher strata of New York society. This new world that had opened up to him was a terrible temptation. He found himself having a few one-night stands with a few brunettes with whom he truly had no right to be in the same company.

All the same, when he lay there at night, the sting of loneliness descending more and more rapidly upon him the more that he struggled against it in a haze of decreasingly satisfying post-coital bliss, he sometimes let his thoughts drift back to Chandrila. He wondered if Rey was there, even though he knew she had left the town just like him. When he pictured her though, he thought of her waiting on her front porch, nose buried in a book. It was comforting in a way that this new life of tantalizing attractions never could be. To be totally honest, he could feel himself burning out on this new lifestyle. The parties were nice at first, sure, but after a while it was a lot of the same conversations with the same people. He found himself wanting to leave early after one particular gathering and that was when he met Stephanie. She had been a friend of a friend of Phasma’s and she looked just as bored and sick of the atmosphere as him, and they had spent the evening talking with each other. She had a quick wit and a humor that drew him in to her. He wouldn’t say that her teasing brought forth memories of another person with a similarly keen sense of humor, because that would be too far in his mind. But he did concede that she soothed something in him that he hadn’t known was inflamed, even now, three years after the fact.

  
So with that in mind he decided to invest himself into this girl and thought maybe, just maybe she’d be the balm to finally put Rey out of his mind.

* * *

Ben came down the ladder first so that he could help Rey follow him. His fingertips grazed over the bare flesh of her thighs under the hem of her romper and he could feel his heart race. She touched ground and turned in his arms to face him. His heart was hammering, and he couldn’t remember at first how to _start_.

She seemed to feel his anxiety and the way that now they were finally _here_ , he was at a loss. She stood there and gazed up at him and began in the most gentle way. She started by touching his face, not pulling it down to her level with a fiery passion, just touching. She ran her own fingers over the planes of his face, tracing over his temples and outlining his lips. He closed his eyes and let her, the featherlight skimming sending shivers down his spine. She began to graze her nails through his hair and over his scalp and as if waking him up from his frozen state, he found that he could touch her too.

To this end, his hands started at the nape of her neck and he brought one down the length of her spine, resting it on her lower back and the other he used to cup her face, running his thumb over her cheek as he bent down to press his lips to hers. She melted into his embrace and he flicked his tongue to find hers as she wrapped her fingers more securely in his dark locks. Rey let out a soft sigh when he pulled her closer to him, their bodies pressing together in the dark.

He found confidence as she deepened the kiss, and let his hands find their usual places. One hand drifted downwards to feel the curve of her backside, while the other traveled from her face down to the swell of her breasts. This was familiar territory.

This time when Rey tugged up the hem of his button up shirt, he allowed her to do so. He helped her by bringing one of his arms away from his ministrations to tug both shirts he was wearing over his head. He let them fall to the floor with a soft sound. The night was warm, but the sudden loss of his shirts left goosepimples blossoming over the expanse of his chest. Rey didn’t help matters as she stepped back to look at him and splayed her hands over the contours of his pectoral muscles and down the divots of his arms. She nodded and looked at him, and he couldn’t help but smirk a bit.

“Are you sure this is real?” she asked, and he wanted to laugh at first. “I’m pretty sure I’m hallucinating now.”

“Funny, I was thinking the same thing,” he joked, and stepped forward, trying to find the hem of a shirt or an opening on hers and felt his brow furrow with confusion at the odd little one piece she was wearing. He felt less like a lover and more like a monkey as he picked at her clothing, finally spinning her around to try to figure out how to remove the damned thing. Not exactly the moves of an expert. She laughed as she realized his struggle, and she was practically shaking with mirth. When she had finally quieted, she brought a hand up to sweep the hair from her neck and pointed to the little zipper at the base of her neck.

“Oh,” was all he could think to say and then he was reaching down to kiss her neck, effectively silencing her giggles. She let out a little moan and his fingers latched onto the zipper, sliding it down in a smooth movement. The romper fell around Rey’s ankles and she stepped out of it revealing a lacy pink bra and a matching pair of underwear.

Rey turned around to look at him and with a slow movement of her hand she unhooked the clasp behind her back, letting first one and then the other strap fall delicately over her shoulders. Then with a hesitant look at him, she bit her lip and bolstered herself as the fabric dropped to the floor in front of her. If Ben hadn’t been able to form coherent thoughts before, he was now hopelessly lost as he gazed at the round pink circles that were hardening before his eyes.

He started to reach out to touch her, but she shook her head. Rey looked at him apprehensively and her hands drifted down to the waistband of her underwear before she paused and saw that he was still mostly clothed.

She gave him a meaningful look, “Together?”

Ben cleared his throat then and nodded, nervously fumbling with the buckle of his belt. He unhooked it and made an effort at undoing the button and fly of his jeans without taking his eyes off of Rey’s nearly naked body. She waited for him as her finger tips teased with the fabric at her hips. With a slow caution they both dropped the final barriers from each other’s view simultaneously and stood there for a long moment. She had shimmied off the panties and he had had to tug off the denim along with his socks and shoes. Now they stood totally vulnerable in front of one another for the first time and Ben didn’t think he’d seen anything so beautiful before. She appraised him with a similar sort of hunger, and it was like the air in the room was suddenly charged with electricity. He absently pondered if the force of the current that ran between them would repel them like magnets if they sought to close the distance in the room.

The atmosphere was silent and all he could hear throbbing in his own ears was the pounding of his heart. Ben wondered if Rey could hear it from where she stood before him.

Finally, after what seemed like a lifetime of drinking her appearance in, he said softly, “You’re so beautiful.” Rey colored at his words but didn’t move from her position.

“You too,” she breathed, and he smiled a bit, helping ease some of the tension within himself. He had been called many things, but beautiful wasn’t generally one of them.

She was the first to traverse the space between them with a slow little step forward, and he followed in suit, kicking his pants away from him as he did so. She pressed herself to him and he reveled in the feeling of bare skin meeting bare skin for the first time, before placing a soft kiss on her lips. He could feel himself pressed conspicuously against her thigh and she began to roll her hips over him in a way that made his muscles tense and his throat give out an involuntary little whine. He deepened the kiss, massaging her tongue with his and held the back of her head with one hand while the other drifted downwards. First it settled on the swell of her small breast and he rolled the taut bud between his thumb and forefinger. She returned his advance with a little throaty sound of her own and then he skimmed his finger tips down her stomach. She jumped a little bit as it tickled but stilled as he found his aim. He ran his fingers first through the small curls he found, then parted her just enough to find the little bump hidden there. He moved in slow deliberate circles there at the apex of her thighs and felt her tense underneath him.

Her breath started to come out in little pants as he broke the kiss and then began to plant his lips down her jawline until he found the spot right behind her ear. He gave way to purest instinct as he began to lose himself in the haze of lust for her. His teeth gently pulled at the delicate skin of her neck until his lips clamped down on the skin in a gentle sucking motion. He let his fingers drift ever so slightly downwards then to slide between her folds to find that warm wet place that he’d been fantasizing about for the last few months. Rey’s head lolled back as he put first one, then two fingers inside and started to wiggle them towards himself.

“I wondered what this would feel like,” he breathed against her neck. His filter had abandoned him around the time that her bra had come off. “I’ve thought about it a lot actually.”

“And?” she asked in a breathless whisper.

“I wasn’t even close,” he replied and then found that soft spongy spot and massaged it, eliciting another whimper from her that made him twitch against her leg.

“Ben,” she sighed his name in his ear and he groaned against her skin. He felt her arm come up and she raked her fingernails over the bare expanse of his chest before sliding down and firmly gripping him at his base. He could have seen stars at the contact as she started to stroke along his length. He moved from her neck back to her mouth where he lightly nipped at her lower lip.

If this was all that they did that night, Ben was fairly certain he would be satisfied, but Rey started to move backwards. She never let her hand leave him as she pulled him gently toward the rickety bed. When he removed his fingers from her, Rey’s breath hitched slightly, and he could feel the little pout that he loved looking at start to form beneath his mouth. Her calves hit the side of the bed then though and she fell backwards, letting him fall gently on top of her in the process.

Ben propped himself on his elbows to gaze down at her as she lay on the scratchy, worn comforter and ran his hand over her hair. “I love you.”

“Say it again,” she sighed. He smiled slightly and kissed her nose.

“I love you,” and a kiss on her lips, and then one trailing to her chin, “I love you,” and then to her collar bone. He echoed himself as he pulled his body downwards. He refrained from saying it for a moment as he laved at one of those pink nipples with his tongue, but she didn’t seem to mind, her back arching up to give him better access. He swirled over and then gently teased it before repeating the action on the opposite side. Then he was back to proclaiming his affection for her as he nosed the line the split her abdomen and planted open mouthed kisses on her stomach.

When he brought his arms back to carefully pull her knees apart, he encountered no resistance. She was holding her breath as he exhaled over her and kissed that pink nub. The slightly acidic taste washed over his tongue and when she let out a little squeaking moan he responded in kind with a low hum over her folds. He lapped up the wetness he found and placed one arm over her leg as she bucked up slightly under him. He focused his tongue above her entrance and let his tongue trace languid, lingering patterns there, while one hand drifted upwards to caress her breasts and the other traveled back to continue his ministrations from earlier.

It took him a little bit of trial and error to find a rhythm that she enjoyed but when he’d get a particularly loud response, he chased whatever action had evoked it. She brought her own hands down to lace into his hair, rubbing over his head like a fortune teller with a crystal ball. She would make little incoherent noises, occasionally interspersed with his name as he continued. Like some sort of spell, every time he heard that breathy little whisper it only served to drive him further.

He began to make a back and forth motion that caused a high-pitched little whimper to escape her followed with a desperate plea of, “Right there, don’t stop, please.” He persisted in his efforts and then felt her rise as if possessed under him with a moan that echoed in her chest. Rey’s thighs clamped tightly and suddenly around his head as her entire body contracted in waves of pleasure and his chest swelled with triumph as he helped her ride out the orgasm that had her clenching in little beats around his fingers. He could almost keep time to it. As she floated back downwards, she gently pushed at his head and he released her lest his attentions become too much for her overly sensitive parts.

The sounds she had made at the last served to bring him back to full mast and he glided upwards to lay on top of her. Her eyes were slightly glazed over but she closed them to kiss him, tasting herself on his lips. He could feel the way that she was rolling her hips to bring him into alignment with her opening and he was losing the will to drag it out any longer.

“Wait,” he breathed and looked up at where he had stashed a box of condoms earlier.

She followed his gaze and then shook her head. “IUD,” she whispered softly.

Ben nodded at her explanation and then with one moment of hesitation, he brought his hand down to nudge himself between her lower lips followed by a feeling of absolute and serene certainty as he slid home in one stroke. He paused for a beat as his mind tried to adjust to the sensation and it sounded as if she was attempting to do the same as he filled her. Then slowly he backed out and began to thrust forward again in a languorous tempo.

“Fuck, Rey,” he muttered into her neck as he could already feel pleasure creeping slowly up on him. He stilled himself for a beat to back away from the dangerous edge. He used the time to flit a tongue over her lower lip and breathed a groan into her as she met him, dancing her tongue over his own. Then she was pushing him slightly with her hips. When he went to pull out, thinking something must be wrong she shook her head and held onto his hips as she tried to rotate him. They rolled like crashing waves over the surface of the covers until he was on his back and she was straddling him.

Rey brought his hands up to rest at the indent of her waist as she began to move backwards and forwards on top of him. He aided her for a moment before sitting up and caging her in arms on his lap. She continued to grind on him, letting him drag against her inner wall as he swallowed her sighs of desire with his mouth. Her hands were on his face and in his hair as she let him grip her hips tightly now. He could feel himself building towards a crescendo as she continued to move over him like a blade on a whetstone.

“God, Rey, I’m gonna-“ he started and she stopped the statement by pulling him back into a kiss and nodded into him.

She pulled away and mouthed against his lips, “Me too.”

He tried to hold off as long as possible until he felt her curl into his embrace. The clenching around him sent him flying over the cliff’s edge and he pulsed inside of her as he spilled himself with a guttural noise. His brain was no longer functioning in the afterglow as all of the tension went out of him. He was still loosely holding onto her but felt like collapsing as she pushed hair away to keep it from sticking to his damp face. Rey moved over him planting chaste little kisses over his lips, then his cheeks and his forehead, before nuzzling her nose against his. They exchanged a happy little smile in the heated conclusion of their lovemaking, the corners of his mouth pulling up involuntarily. He used what little strength he had left then to gently tug her off of his lap as the evidence of his pleasure dripped down her thighs. She let out a sad little sound as he fell backwards but stopped as he brought her in firmly to rest on his chest. She buried her face in the crook of his arm for a moment as she brought a leg across him to rest over his own and she flicked her toes over the side of his calf. He rumbled out his contentment as his nerve endings craved her continued presence and touch.

They lay in pleased silence for some time and Ben could feel his brain starting to slip into unconsciousness when Rey called out for him. “Ben?”

“Mmm?” he managed to get out, lifting a sleepy eye to look at her in his arms.

“We should probably get back soon, don’t you think?” There was a tone of worry in her voice now and he tried his best to shake off the fuzzy feeling that tried to envelope his brain, pulling him towards sleep.

“Just a little while longer?” he pleaded, dreading the leaving. He only wanted to lay here with her like this for as long as possible. 

“Okay,” she conceded and settled back into him. He nuzzled into the top of her head, smelling her shampoo that reminded him of flowers. “Just for a little bit, though.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for your wonderful comments! I read each one and I won't lie I get a little thrill when I see a new one in my inbox. Your beautiful words really inspired me to commit to finishing this one, so thank you!
> 
> I hope everyone is staying safe during this time!


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your patience while I got this one out.
> 
> I have to stop and start on it to get the right emotional tone, but hopefully 7.5k words helps make up for it.
> 
> \--
> 
> No really squicky stuff, but Poe is in the flashback for this chapter. Mentions of past relationship.

Rey ducked behind a cubicle to avoid the gaze of her boss; a necessity given that she was five minutes late to her desk. She clutched a bagel and a latte in her hands as she moved quickly. With any luck her tardiness had gone unnoticed. She settled in among the stacks of manuscripts and leaned back to catch her breath. The publishing house that she’d been hired at still used entirely paper manuscripts, but there was something that she loved about the feel of paper under her fingers while reading.

She reached forward to pick up her current project, a non-fiction work about the effects of the War of the Roses. She had to stop herself from yawning at several points. Not that she didn’t like non-fiction, but the tone set by one B. Kin, a historian she gathered, was enough to put anyone to sleep. She read it diligently though, striking out certain passages that didn’t lend themselves to the historical narrative that Kin was telling. She underlined a few quotes, putting her notes in the margins or on sticky notes. The work consumed her and before she knew it her stomach was already growling, and it was time for lunch.

She rubbed her temples, and stood up, grabbing her phone which was blinking with a green notification symbol. She swiped over her screen to read the single text from Rose.

> > **Rose:** We still on for tonight?
> 
> > **Rey:** Of course! I wouldn’t miss it for the world. I can’t believe you’re finally engaged!
> 
> > **Rose:** Me either. So….Poe’s coming. Finn invited him. That’s still cool, right?

Rey bit her lip before typing out her response. Things hadn’t really worked out between she and Poe. To be fair it was basically her fault. It had become glaringly obvious that she was hung up on Ben when she’d literally dashed out of her then boyfriend’s arms to chase after him. Poe had been polite and had at least waited until they were back in Chicago, but he had definitely dumped her for that. She could still remember hearing him describe her as “emotionally unavailable”. She had taken it in stride, but things were _weird_ between them afterwards. She didn’t really hold it against him. It was actually funny how okay she really had been with the breakup.

In the ensuing two and a half years she’d had a few more dates, but nothing truly substantial. She had to admit though, that it was at least a bit frustrating that she couldn’t seem to get past a first date with anyone.

> > **Rey:** Yeah, that’s fine.

She finally typed out the response and hit send, and then her eyes lighted on Jannah sitting in the breakroom. Rey’s smile lit up at her work friend’s presence and she sidled over, plopping down next to her.

“So, apparently upstairs is pretty impressed with you,” Jannah said, twisting open the cap of her sparkling water. “And I overheard that a spot in adult fiction is opening up soon.”

Rey snorted, but felt something in her swell up. Jannah was Enric Pryde’s personal assistant and Rey had learned in the year of her tenure at First Order Publishing that she often heard the news of changes in staffing before anyone else. This would be better news, of course, if Enric Pryde actually liked Rey. She voiced as much and followed it with, “Besides, you know that Junior Editors never get bumped to fiction in their first year.”

“I don’t know,” Jannah said skeptically, “Pryde has bosses too, and they seemed pretty impressed with your work. Not many people can make traffic logistics into an easy read.”

“To be fair, I think I learned a lot and really grew as a person when I realized that we all have a part in safe and efficient travel,” Rey said, putting a hand on her chest before devolving into giggles. Jannah joined her, and the pair enjoyed the rest of their lunch.

She was still beaming, that knot of happy anxiety at Jannah’s words still turning over in her head, at the end of the day when she neatly packed Professor Kin’s manuscript back into a manila envelope and placed it into her outbox. She stretched, looking at the two new arrivals and glanced at the time. It was just a bit after five, and Rose’s engagement party wasn’t for another two hours. Rey mentally calculated how long she’d need to catch her bus and make it to the apartment that Rose and Finn shared, and settled back into her chair. She sated her curiosity by skimming through the new manuscripts and even making some preliminary notations on the first that had no formal title yet, just a vague description on the rise of televangelism.

She let herself vaguely wish that dating was as easy to her as marking up first drafts. In copy editing there were rules, and if an author began to drone on, she could simply strike out the errant sentences and request that they try again. She wished she could apply her critiques such as “too wordy”, “your arguments don’t seem well formed”, or “conclusions don’t seem to match facts” to some of her dating profile matches.

When she couldn’t spare another minute longer at her desk, she hurried put her purse over her shoulder and sprinted out the door, hoping to catch the next bus to Lincoln Park. She was breathless as she managed to hop on just in time. She swiped her CTA pass and settled into one of the seats of the articulated bus as it shook and swayed its way toward her friends’ apartment. She leaned back in her seat and listened to the sounds of the city around her. She enjoyed the music of people clamoring, traffic honking, busses hissing to a stop all whirling in an intoxicating dissonance.

Finally, her stop arrived, and she leapt to her feet, shuffling past an elderly woman and a businessman with his nose deep into his newspaper. Lincoln Park was an eclectic little neighborhood, a mix-up of the older styled apartments in a multitude of different colors with a blend of newer modern architecture. The Chicago skyline rose up behind it, covered in a slight haze in the damp evening air. Rey tried to warm herself slightly in the autumn chill. The dregs of summer were finally dissipating, but it wasn’t generally cold enough yet to necessitate her winter coat.

She rang the buzzer and was admitted to the older styled building, with windows that arched high in sets of three along the face. The carpet in the landing was threadbare in places and dingy, always smelling a bit like cat, but it was Rose and Finn’s first apartment _together_ and Rey supposed there was something nice about that. She scurried up the steps to their second-floor apartment and knocked on the door. Finn threw open the door and greeted her with a hug that could shatter ribs.

“Rey, you made it!” he said with delight and set her back on her feet. “Rosie said you’d be here.”

“Yeah, wild horses couldn’t stop me,” she joked. Then, Rose was thrusting a glass of wine into her hand and Rey took it with gratitude. She looked around at the small gathering; a few of Rose and Finn’s assorted work friends and in the corner was Poe. With his arm wrapped around Kay.

She knew that her other childhood friend and her ex had begun to date, and everyone had begun to treat her with kid gloves in the wake of the development. The pair had met on the same trip that had led to Rey’s breakup, had kept in touch and after an arbitrarily appropriate amount of time had announced themselves as a couple. Her other friends all expected her to be despondent, but she didn’t know how to tell them how much it actually _didn’t_ affect her. She’d felt actual, gut-wrenching heartbreak before, and while breaking up with Poe hadn’t exactly been the highlight of her life, it paled in comparison.

To that end she resolved to go over and try to show her friends her support for their new relationship. Poe looked up at her with something close to suspicion and Kay looked abashed, probably thinking she’d broken every rule in the unwritten best friend handbook. She sighed and then tried to perk herself up, saying with sincerity, “Hey, guys. It’s great to see you both.”

She prayed that she wasn’t making it awkward, and Kay at least looked relieved to not be on the receiving end of Rey’s temper. She gave her friend a little hug to prove that she truly _was_ fine with their relationship. The only thing that tinged her wasn’t so much the two of them being together, as it was the way she felt a bit like a fifth wheel in their company.

She mingled and let Rose introduce her to one of her sister’s friends, Nix Jerd. He was nice enough, but not exactly Rey’s type. He was a bit short, a bit too talkative, and his eyes weren’t quite the right shade of molten chocolate. She felt her thoughts roam back to sturdy shoulders and a towering figure and then stopped herself bitterly. No, that was far and away enough of that. She excused herself and took her wine onto the small balcony. As Rey looked at the glittering lights of the city twinkling in the distance, she heard the slider door open behind her and turned to find herself in the company of Poe.

“Hey,” he said softly as if she might frighten and run if he was too loud. She wanted to snort in derision but refrained.

“Hey,” she called back and turned back to her view. He came to join her and stood in silence for a while. She knew he had something to say, otherwise he wouldn’t be out here. Given enough time, he’d tell her.

“So, you’re really ok with me and Kay?” he asked, coming to the point. She looked at him for a while and then nodded.

“It’s been almost two years, Poe, and it’s not exactly like we were together for very long,” she chided him. “I don’t know why everyone is so worried about me, when _you’re_ the one who got all…weird.”

“Yeah, I guess I did,” he chuckled. “I guess it was just a bit…difficult… for me after, well, you know.”

She did know, and the truth of it made her sigh. “I thought you weren’t the jealous type.”

“I’m not,” he replied, “Still stings the pride a bit though.”

“Fair enough. But for what it’s worth, I really am happy for you and Kay. You guys just…fit, somehow. In ways we never really did.”

“When you’re right, you’re right,” he said, that easy smile coming back to him. She really did like Poe. He was warm and charming, and could light up a room, but she liked him much better as just her friend. “Hey, Rey…”

“Mmm?” she hummed, turning to look at him.

“Just, and I don’t want you take this the wrong way,” he started, a bit nervous, “what you said about not wanting wait around for that guy, I think you were on to something. Maybe not with us, but in general, I mean. Just don’t…don’t waste your whole life chasing after someone who isn’t totally crazy about you, okay?” He tentatively patted her shoulder and she nodded, a bittersweet smile taking over her lips.

How could she explain to Poe how deep Ben was buried beneath her veins? She saw the wisdom in his words though and nodded. “Thanks, Poe.”

“Anytime,” he nodded, smiling and heading back toward the party. “We’re all still your friends, Rey. We just want you to be happy.” Then he slipped back in to rejoin Kay and the rest of their group. She’d seen Ben, maybe once, in passing since that night two years previous. It had been Christmas and she had spent it with her grandfather, only noticing that he was home as he was leaving. It had left her feeling slightly hollow and a bit down, but she’d put it out of her mind as she helped paint a sloop.

Her train of thought was interrupted, however as her cell phone buzzed inside of her pocket. She pulled it out and a frown pulled the corners of her lips down, her brow furrowing. It was an unknown number, but the area code was unmistakably from Chandrila. After a moment’s deliberation she swiped to answer the call and put the phone to her ear.

“Hello?”

“Yes, hello, this is Officer Antilles with the Chandrila Police Department. Are we speaking to the next of kin of Sheev Palpatine?”

Rey’s heart sunk in her chest, ice tendrils wrapping painfully as she got out the next couple of words. “Yes, this is his granddaughter. What’s going on? Is he okay?”

Panic was rising in her throat as the officer sighed, “He’s fine. He’s just a little bit confused is all. We found him on broken down on the road. Some neighbors saw him circling, got a bit concerned. We have him in a holding cell right now. Are you able to collect him?”

“In a holding cell?” she practically shrieked, tears starting to prick at her eyes. “He’s not a-a-a criminal. Why would you do that?”

“Ma’am, please remain calm. It’s merely a formality, now I repeat, are you able to collect him? Otherwise we’ll need to reach out to social services.”

Rey’s mind began running in fast forward as she thought of the logistics of the plan. It was a two-hour drive from Chicago. She didn’t have a car. Finn had a car. She’d have to ask if one of her friends could take her. “Of course, I’m on my way right now,” she said finally and hurried back inside to find her friends.

* * *

“Mmf, Rey,” Ben muttered her name against her lips and it predictably sent a little thrill through her. He pressed her back further into the plush of the sofa as he lay, fully clothed yet, between her thighs. She had her legs wrapped around him and her hands wandered over the contours of his scalp.

  
She could feel the way that he pressed through his jeans into her and she rocked her hips in an attempt to bring him closer. It felt _dangerous_ to be doing this in her living room while her grandfather slept just upstairs, and in doing so it only escalated her own desire.

Ben hadn’t wanted to have their first time together be marred by interruptions or be too close to curious eyes, and she respected that. That first time had been beautiful and private as she let him explore her. He had been predictably rather shy at first, and Rey found that endearing in its own way. But now. Now that they had not only pushed past that barrier, but shattered it into a million pieces, the restraint they might have otherwise felt had evaporated.

In the few weeks since that moment there had been a hair trigger between them. The normal activities, like sitting on the back stoop, visiting him at the shop, or even just grabbing groceries out of the back of the car, now all colored with memories of their mutual desire. She would come to join him in his backyard like she had a few thousand times, now with a low tension in her gut. He’d ask her little questions about her day, inane things that he already knew as a result of texting her the entire time, and then his hand would drift over to cover hers. It was like the gun at the beginning of a race, and then he’d clutch her to him tightly. He’d picked her up like she weighed nothing and carried her into the humid stale air of the Solos’ garage. It had smelled like sawdust, and he’d swept the stray metal tools off of his father’s workbench, letting them clang to the floor. He’d set her down and made quick work of her pants, yanking them down around her ankles as he pulled himself loose of his own trousers.

Then there had been the time that she’d come to visit him at lunchtime at the garage on a Saturday. The normal office staff wasn’t working, and it was just Han and Ben, arguing over the best way to get Mrs. Mothma’s muffler repaired.

Rey had walked in, stood between them without either noticing her presence, asking, “Bad time?” She had doubled over in peals of laughter as both men had jumped in the air. Ben had playfully grabbed her bodily about the middle in retaliation until he looked over to see his father watching with the same half quirked smile that Ben had inherited. He had never set her down so quickly before as he did then, his face blossoming in a particularly deep shade of crimson.

Han had respectfully cleared his throat then and quibbled about having forgotten something at home, and could Ben watch the shop for a bit while he went back for it? Ben had nodded, averting his gaze from his father’s all too knowing stare. Han even pointedly said that he expected that it might take him quite a while to find it, and Ben had had a sudden violent coughing fit.

Rey thought perhaps that she heard some chuckling from Han as he tossed the keys of his truck into the air on the way out of the shop. With him gone, however, it didn’t take much for Ben to sufficiently recover. Then he was closing up the garage doors and after they shuddered to a halt, he was behind her. He had let his large hands splay out under her shirt as he kissed at the back of her neck. In turn she had pushed back against him as a little breathless moan escaped her. They hadn’t wasted any further time as he pressed her forward, bending her over the Corellian Coronet that belonged to their aged former school principal. She hadn’t been able to look Han in the eye for several days after that.

Then more recently she had been reaching to close the trunk of her car and had whooped in surprise as Ben had picked her up and slung her over his shoulder, dragging her into the thankfully vacant living room of his home. She’d scolded him properly after discovering that the ice cream she’d bought had melted on the floor of her grandfather’s kitchen, but he had merely shrugged it off and said he’d replace it or find another way to _make it up_ to her, her choice.

They were as insatiable as teenagers, but Rey preferred to think of it as making up for lost time. Tonight, she had texted him that her grandfather was in bed and would he like to come watch a movie with her? Her new job at the Cantina paid much better in both regular wages and tips, and Lando was very good about giving her a few days off during the week, another new luxury. She didn’t get a response from Ben on the phone, rather she heard a knocking at the backdoor within minutes. She’d opened it to find him slightly out of breath and he’d walked straight in, barely taking the time to kick the door closed behind him. He’d caged her in his long arms, and she’d liquefied into his embrace.

Then her knees had hit the back of the couch, and here they were, tangled up again. To her credit, she really had picked out a movie for them to watch, but all of that seemed completely irrelevant now in the light of…well everything. He nipped his way down her neck and even though she knew that her grandfather would be asleep and wouldn’t be able to hear any of this, she still felt the urge to muffle her sounds. Doing so only seemed to spur Ben on; he seemed determined to make her lose control despite herself.

Sometime later as they lay on the floor, partially clothed with their sweat cooling on their skin, having migrated there from the couch he looked over at her. A stray finger stroked a lazy pattern over the side of her face. She all but purred into the contact and grasped his wrist so she could kiss the tips of his fingers. Now that the haze of lust had passed, he looked more capable of conscious thought and Rey could tell he wanted to say something.

“Penny for your thoughts?” she asked, sidling closer to him and nuzzling into his chest.

He stroked her hair and placed a hand behind his head to prop himself slightly. “My parents, well my mom specifically, want you to come over for dinner this week.”

She used her nail to draw little circles into heated skin of his chest as she processed his statement. “I’ve been over for dinner before, you know.”

He snorted, looking at the ceiling, “Yeah, when we were kids. Not since…you know.”

“Since….?” She looked at him with an impish grin, wanting to draw the words out of him if only because she could tell it made him uncomfortable. “Since what, Ben? Use your words.” Part of her still loved how he could whisper filthy things to her in the heat of passion, but when the dust settled, and he was back in his own mind he struggled to put words to their new relationship.

“Since we started…going steady.” he offered.

She laughed a bit at his phrasing and was rewarded with a sharp pinch but wasn’t deterred from further teasing. “Going steady? That sounds an awful lot like you’re going to give me your class ring before we go to the sock hop together. You’re quite old-fashioned sometimes, you know that?”

“Fine, dating,” he said, a hint of playful annoyance in his voice that made her flash a smile to him.

“I don’t know, Ben, after _‘going steady’_ , I don’t know if dating quite covers the full scope of our relationship,” she replied, and he proceeded to find that ticklish spot once more. She rolled away and laughed, “Now, now, do you think that’s really appropriate when you haven’t even given me your school pin?”

He silenced her antics by pinioning her beneath him on the rug and slotting his mouth over hers. She readily accepted the kiss, her mind blanking as she tousled his hair under her hands. He wouldn’t be ready to go for another round for at least ten more minutes, she mused, but this was still nice. He pulled back and rested his forehead on hers, eyes closed before saying, “You can have it, you know, if you want.”

“Have what?” Rey questioned softly, her brain not quite fully functioning.

“My class ring, and anything else I can give to you,” Ben replied. She could tell he was joking by the smile on his face. “I’d have to find it, but it’s yours if you want it.”

“Ben Solo, are you proposing to me?” she asked, partially teasing.

“No!” he replied quickly with a panicked tone, and then seeing the way that her brow arched, backed off. “Not…yet. We’re not quite there yet.” He waited for her to agree, which she did with a little nod. It _was_ a little early for that kind of talk, but it’s not like she hadn’t thought about it before. Of course, she’d been quite young when she’d fantasized about getting married to Ben. She was older now, more practical, and with her life as it was, she wasn’t in a place just yet to consider marriage. “Besides, when I propose,” he continued, and she noted that he said ‘ _when’_ not ‘if’, “I’ll do it right. Not while we’re half naked on a rug that I’m pretty sure is older than I am.”

She smiled at his assessment of her grandfather’s interior design. “Anyway,” Rey said, moving the conversation back to his previous topic. “Dinner. I’d love to, but with Grandpa, I don’t know…”

“My mom is persistent. I don’t think she has any problem making the rest of us wait to eat until you’re available,” he said, and she couldn’t disagree with his assessment. When Leia wanted something, odds are that she was going to get it in the end.

She sighed, a small smile perking up the corners of her mouth as she fiddled with his hair. “Okay.”

“Okay?” he confirmed, sliding his hands up and down her side inattentively.

“Yes, just tell me when, and I’ll be there, okay?” He looked incredibly grateful at her submission to his mother’s demands, and she felt the need to add. “It’s not all the bad, Ben. We’ll do it together, okay?”

He nodded vaguely and settled back down onto the floor with her splayed over top of him.

*******

The day of dinner approached quickly and slowly, if that was possible. Quickly because she was moving like a whirlwind between all of the threads in her life. Sometimes when she was busy running around, she’d fantasize about the luxury of just taking a nap. As it was, on the nights she worked she’d get about three hours of sleep. On the nights she didn’t…. well, with trying to wring as many moments with Ben as possible out of those stolen hours, she likely got about the same.

The days dragged on in their own way as well as she felt the swell of anticipation. She knew she shouldn’t feel nervous; she’d known her neighbors for nearly twenty years now. But all the same, she and Ben had never been…involved before. She wondered if Leia had a strategy for meeting Ben’s girlfriends and how she fit into that given that she was pretty sure the woman already knew everything there was to know about her. Ben didn’t help anything as he got increasingly anxious about having her within speaking distance of both of his parents at the same time.

This wasn’t exactly the typical “meet your parents” dinner all things considered, but Rey bit her lip as she decided what to wear. She opted for a nice sundress and changed into it after she knew her grandfather was asleep. Without further ado she descended the staircase and made her way over to her neighbors’ front porch and knocked on the door. She could hear Chewie let off a series of booming barks as he pranced and whined in front of the door. Ben greeted her with a nervous smile as he tried to keep the large dog back with his leg. This failed and Rey was assaulted by a large wet tongue and approximately a hundred and fifty pounds of fluffy newfoundland. She shrieked with delight, dropping down to his level before he could take her off of her feet, and scratching him behind his ears.

Ben sighed at the display and crossed his arms, merely saying, “You know, we’re never going to convince him to stop jumping on people if you keep that up.”

“Oh, he’s just a big baby,” Rey crooned, as the dog shook bodily with the force of his wagging tail.

Ben knew when there was no point in arguing, and called out to the kitchen, “Mom, Rey’s here.”

“Oh, good,” Leia’s muffled voice came from the kitchen, and Rey looked up. Now that she was here, her nerves were fading. She’d eaten dinner with the Solos before, she’d spoken with both of his parents and had good rapport with the family. This should be easy. She stood up and took Ben’s hand who looked less convinced and he relaxed in her grip. “I’m almost done.”

“Try not to burn anything,” Han called out absently from his place in front of the TV. A wooden spoon came somersaulting toward him and he cried out as it made contact, then went to grumbling. Ben for his part tried not to look mortified, and Rey laughed.

She made her way to the kitchen, Ben trailing behind her, and saw Leia bustling about. “Can I help with anything, Leia?”

Ben’s mother looked at her fondly and as if already anticipating her offer shoved a stack of plates into her arms. “Will you and Ben be dears and set the table?” Rey nodded cheerily and Ben had the same grumbling expression as his father at being roped into helping.

She liked the simple domesticity that was behind this action of a family dinner. She’d enjoyed it growing up, fuzzy childhood memories of her own parents sitting to table coming back to her every now and then. Of course, she ate dinner at the table with her grandfather every night, but he was an old bachelor, Rey’s grandmother having passed during her father’s own childhood. Sheev Palpatine didn’t really stand to the traditions of making the table before eating. Leia, in contrast, had grown up with nice manners that she refused to relinquish when given the opportunity.

When the table was set, Leia brought out a meatloaf with mashed potatoes, setting them directly in the middle of the table.

“It looks wonderful, Leia,” Rey said, a smile on her face.

“Don’t let her fool you, that’s her hat trick right there,” Han teased, and Leia shot him a warning glare.

“Can we please _try_ to have a peaceful family dinner?” Leia rebuked and Han held his hands up in surrender, the grin still plastered on his face. Ben came behind Rey, pulling out her chair, and she smiled at him as she made eye contact. Leia noticed the gesture and looked at her son and Rey across the table with a pleasant expression. “So, Rey, I can’t tell you how thrilled we are that you two are finally seeing one another.”

Ben sighed with an expression that read to Rey as _‘Here we go’._ “Is this the part where you ask me what my intentions are?” Rey asked in a conspiratorial whisper and Han let out a laugh, Leia a smile.

“Of course not, dear,” Leia said with a wave. “Now, let’s eat.”

The meal was laid out amongst the four of them with a jangling of cutlery and scraping of plates. They were too busy eating for a while to really have a discussion, but finally Leia began on the questions.

“So, tell me Rey, how did Ben finally win you over?” Leia said with no prompting as she leaned forward over the table. She was cutting straight to the quick tonight and Rey smiled into her water as Ben practically choked on his own drink.

“Mom,” he gasped, pounding his chest and glaring reprovingly at her.

She waved dismissively at her son, eyes still on Rey, “Don’t mind him. He wouldn’t tell me, even if I was talking to him.”

Rey laughed at his, thinking that as much as she already liked Ben’s mother, she especially liked the way she had no qualms about teasing him. She sucked in a breath, knowing that the woman next to her wouldn’t be satisfied until she’d gotten some form of the truth out of her. Rey looked to Ben who had a guarded expression on his face, and she slipped her hand discreetly to his knee from under the table where she felt it bouncing in agitation. He stopped at her touch and she tried to figure out a way to phrase the tale.

“Well, to be honest, he finally got around to asking,” she said, a grin on her face and Ben’s hand came to cover hers. He gave a gentle squeeze to her fingers while pretending to be engrossed with a spot on the table cloth. “But he was actually quite…gallant. He saw someone giving me a hard time and stepped in to help. Things sort of fell into place after that.” It wasn’t _exactly_ how that particular night had gone, but Rey thought it would please Ben’s parents at the very least. He cast an appreciative glance at her out of the corner of her eye. It seemed to be close enough to the truth to fool Leia and it even appeal to Han who put a good-natured hand on his son’s shoulder.

“How sweet,” Leia said, a warmth to her normally shrewd demeanor. They finished the rest of the meal with basic small talk. Han talked with Ben about the shop, and Ben having done this for a few months now could converse with confidence on the subject. Leia talked about how she was going to be doing some more traveling in the upcoming weeks, rather than just the regular trips to Indianapolis, as her campaign looked toward reelection for her state representative seat.

Finally, as they all leaned back in their seats and Rey could see Ben begin to exhale a sigh of relief, Leia said, “Now, I’ve pulled down some old photo albums of the two of you. Let’s say we go pop them open. What do you think, Rey?” Ben was grimacing in her peripheral, but Rey couldn’t help but leap at the offer. She had very few pictures of her childhood as her grandfather had been more focused on living it with her than capturing it on camera. Sure, she had some from Rose for things like prom or graduation, and a smattering of school photos hung on the walls of her grandfather’s house, but she was curious what Leia had deemed worthy of documentation.

Ben let out an audible groan, and Han laughed at his frustration, clapping him on the back, “Come on kid, help me with this and we’ll let the girls have their fun.” Ben’s father moved to pick up the plates from the table and planted a kiss to Leia’s temple. Ben let out a sigh and joined his father, and Leia caught his hand while he walked past her. He stooped down and gave her a curt little hug. It was odd how so much could change in fifteen years, and how so much had changed in just the last few months. Rey observed the easy interaction between Ben and his family now and couldn’t help but remember the turbulence she’d helped him through as children.

She was shaken from her reverie by Leia who stood and ushered her into the living room where a few binders lay out on the coffee table. Rey reached for the one that looked the oldest, a fabric covered album with lace trim around an oval of Leia and a little bundle in her arms. She flipped it open and saw a wealth of baby photos of Ben. He had been quite small she noticed, but he’d had a crop of black fuzz atop his head and those ears still stuck out just a little too much.

There was a fluttering in her stomach as she traced a finger over the tiny face that stared back at her from the pages of the album. It was still too early to even talk with Ben about this kind of thing, but in the future, she envisioned she couldn’t help but imagine a similar swaddled form with hazel eyes and a crop of black hair. She quickly flipped through the album and it was like she was watching Ben grow up on fast forward.

There were photos in here from before she’d met him, and she lingered on a toddler in red pants barreling toward the camera on a bright red Radio Flyer tricycle. “Oh yes, he was quite the precocious little thing,” Leia laughed.

The pictures started to grow lesser and lesser as the toddler grew into the lanky form of childhood. This was a Ben that she recognized now, and before she knew it, she was discovering pictures of herself in the album.

“Oh, no,” Rey groaned with a laugh as she saw a picture of an angry looking Ben covered in cake residue at his eleventh birthday party. “I can’t believe you took this one.”

“Well, I didn’t,” Leia chuckled, and dropped her voice, “Han did while I was trying to help the pair of you, look see there’re my legs.”

“I’ll have you know that I still can’t look at a pinata without getting queasy,” Rey joked, and Leia’s laughter rang out like a peal of bells.

“Oh, what about this one,” Ben’s mother pointed to a picture of the two of them huddled in a makeshift snow fort in the Solos’ backyard. “We could hardly get either of you out of the chill because you were busy pretending to fight some big monster. Oh, what did Ben call it?”

“The wampa? I think?” Rey tried to recall. It had been a very long time since she’d reminisced about their days of make believe together.

“That’s right! Oh, I thought you’d both get frostbite. It was a snow day, and I’m pretty sure Sheev had no idea what to do with you.” Rey smiled, but there was a bittersweet tinge at the mention of her grandfather.

Leia caught it and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. “How is Sheev doing these days?”

Rey looked up and sighed, “The same, most of the time. The doctors seem to think he’s leveled out for the moment, but they keep telling me it’s only a matter of time.” She was very quiet at this and looked at her hands folded in her lap.

“You’re doing wonderfully,” Leia said, her voice not pitying but confident.

“Thank you. So, photos,” Rey said turning the conversation back to the album, and Leia with good grace nodded. “Oh, I remember this! Ben-“

“Split his pants,” Leia finished the memory with a laugh at the photo of her son trying to jump his bicycle on the curb at twelve. Ben took this opportunity to rejoin the party and seeing photos immediately turned bright pink and tried to wrestle it from Rey’s grip. She pulled it away from his reach with a giggle and Ben gave her one of his looks. She reflected that she thoroughly enjoyed his looks and the way he would furrow his brow a bit, set his lips in a line and generally just look completely exasperated with her. It was one of his most charming features and probably part of why she teased him so relentlessly. His look hadn’t changed since they were children and she wondered if she looked hard enough if she’d be able to find one captured in the pages of these books.

“Mom, can you not relive the most embarrassing moments of my life with my girlfriend?” he groaned, and Leia looked at him with a smirk. Rey smiled at him, her heart suddenly beating a little bit faster at his casual mention of their relationship. He sat down in one of the arm chairs adjacent to her since she and his mother took up both spots on the loveseat. His long arm hung over and he inconspicuously brushed the fingers of Rey’s hand that had dropped to her side with his own.

Leia sat up a little straighter now and looked at Rey. “Now that I’ve got you both here, there was something I wanted to talk with you about, Rey.”

“Oh?” she responded, a puzzled look crossing her features.

“It’s nothing bad, I assure you,” she said, resting a petite hand on Rey’s forearm. “Just, I want you to know that we’ve always considered you family. Now that the two of you are seeing each other though, I wanted you to reconsider my offer from last year.”

“What offer?” Ben chimed in and Rey shot him a nervous smile.

“I have some contacts in Chicago who work in the publishing industry. One of my particular friends is actually badly in need of a freelance editor right now, and I’d hoped that I could convince you to reach out to her,” Leia explained, and Rey’s face felt sort of tight.

“You didn’t tell me about that,” Ben said, looking at her. His voice wasn’t reproachful, but it still felt like a sharp sting.

“That’s very kind of you, Leia,” Rey reiterated the sentiments she’d given the last time this subject had come up, “But, I just don’t have the time to take away from my grandfather right now.”

“Amilyn is very flexible, I assure you,” Leia replied, “I wouldn’t have brought it up to you otherwise.”

“Well, you have to, Rey,” Ben said, looking at her with his mouth already turning up in a grin. His voice shimmered with excitement. “It’s your dream.”

“I-I, erm,” Rey faltered under the combined brown eyed stares of Ben and his mother. “I think….I think I should be getting home now. I apologize, I’ve really had a wonderful time tonight, but I should probably go check on my grandfather.” She stood up hastily and Ben mirrored her, following her out the front door.

“Hey,” he called out and caught her upper arm to stop her. “Can we talk about what just happened in there?” She turned and looked at him and nodded, taking his hand to lead him to a more discreet area between the houses.

Rey faced him and took a deep breath before saying, “I-I can’t take the offer, Ben. I didn’t think your mom would-would ambush me like that, but you have to tell her I can’t do it.”

“And why not?” he asked, his voice sounding incredulous. “It’s all you’ve ever wanted to do.”

“It’s hard to put into words,” she said, avoiding his gaze. “I told you before, though, sometimes dreams have to change.”

“Explain it to me, because I’m at a loss, Rey,” he said, his voice taking on the barest hint of an edge as she evaded his question. “Why wouldn’t you jump at the chance to do what you love?”

She felt his eyes, unmovable from her face and felt her features contorting on themselves. “Because…Because my dream just got in the way, and-and, I wasn’t here for him.” She could feel the guilt and shame washing over her at the memory of finding her grandfather confused and scared in a jail cell. “I was so busy thinking about myself, and the big plans I had that I missed all the signs. I should have seen; I should have known. And he needed me, and I wasn’t around.” Rey’s voice had taken on a squeaky tone now. “So, I can’t do that anymore. I couldn’t live with myself if something happened to him again.”

“Hey, hey, it’s okay,” Ben said, pulling her into him and kissing the top of her head. She relaxed into his embrace, letting the smell of his cologne soothe her. He backed away and took her face in his hands to direct her gaze to him. At first, he just looked at her, his stare intense. Then he spoke in a soft voice, “Rey, you are the most incredibly kind and caring person that I know. Sometimes…sometimes it’s okay for you to think about yourself. There is no way that you could have known, and you can’t beat yourself up for something that was out of your control.”

Rey sniffled a little bit, and he brushed at her tears with his thumb before planting a kiss on her forehead. “Now, please, will you at least think about talking to my mom? If not for you, then do it for me okay?”

“That’s blackmail,” she said with a shaky chuckle and he gave her that grin she loved so much. She pulled him down to her face and he brushed his lips over hers. The touch acted like a balm to her nerves, grounding her and drowning out her self-reproach. He pulled away and she looked up at him as the light of the moon cast him in a blue glow. “I do still have to think about my grandpa though. I can’t leave him alone now.”

“And you won’t,” he said, “I can help you, Rey. I would do anything for you. Now please, do I have to get down and beg for you to take this opportunity that’s staring you in the face?”

“Well, it certainly couldn’t hurt,” she said, her voice playful once more even if a tad subdued. He smirked and made a very good show of getting down on his knees on the pavement before her. As tall as he was, the top of his head still came to the top of her abdomen and she stroked his face before pulling him in for a hug from the ground. She put her chin on the top of his head, wanting to stay there in that moment for as long as possible. Finally, she said, “Okay, I’ll…I’ll consider it.”

“That’s all I’m asking,” Ben replied, his eyes warm as they caught her own. “And I’m glad you decided so quickly, because my knees are killing me.” He got up with a grunt and she laughed before burying her head into his chest. He wrapped his arms snugly around her and said, “I love you, sweetheart.”

“I love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! You guys are astounding me with your wonderful comments.
> 
> Also, y'all convinced me to get a [twitter](https://twitter.com/_RamboBrite_). I held out and now, I'm hooked. Reylo twitter is like one big playground and I'm here for it.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am back with the next chapter of this. Also, I've upped the chapter count, because as I finished outlining the last few chapters I knew that I was going to need a few more chapters to really finish this out the way it deserves.
> 
> Heads up, there is some pre-ending angst starting here, but this story does have a happy ending.

Ben sat at his desk, his eyes blurring as he looked at the lines of code swimming before him. There was a glitch in the program, and even though he and Hux had several very talented programmers, he still liked to help with the patches and the fixes himself. It was  _ his  _ baby. He’d built the damn thing from the ground up, and even though it meant hours of poring over hundreds of thousands of lines of individual code, he wanted to be the one to find the issues. But his eyes were strained, his brain was foggy, and he was tired. It could wait until morning. He groaned as he stretched, leaning back in his chair and twisting his back with a jerk until it crackled and popped. Standing, he closed the lid of his laptop and made his way toward the bedroom of his loft.

As he passed through his tidy apartment, he looked at the furnishings that surrounded him. Most of them were Stephanie’s doing; it wasn’t exactly like Ben had gone to grad school for interior design. His apartment had been more than spartan when she’d come into his life, but somehow, she’d convinced him to get a few things to make it feel “homier”...for what that was worth. He paused in the kitchen, looking down at the legal pad on the counter where he would idly jot down his grocery list or a stray passing thought about his programs. Ben was struck by a strange idea then, one that he hadn’t really considered in, god, years at this point. He took a marker from the cup of pens that was pushed behind the bunch of spotty bananas. He really should stop buying fruit like he was actually planning on eating it. Taking the cap off he jotted down in his slanting scrawl ‘ _ You’re beautiful’. _ He tugged the sheet loose from the pad and then carefully folded it with practiced hands.

Creeping the last few yards to the bedroom, he peered inside. Stephanie was still awake, perusing her phone. She stayed over more often than not, even though she did have her own apartment. She told him that she liked his better, so he didn’t argue with her. His mouth tugged up at the corner as he pulled his arm back and let the little airplane fly, coming to land gently in her lap. It took her a moment to see the offering on her legs. When she did, he saw her brows crinkle in confusion, and she looked up to see him hovering in the doorway.

“What’s this about?” she asked, smirking a bit as she picked up the plane.

“Just, uh, read it,” he said, part of him now regretting having done it. He ran his hand through his hair, mussing it even more than it had been.

“Okay, Mr. Serious,” she said and unfolded the paper. She read the words and there was a humor in her voice as she responded, “You know, you could have just told me that in person.”

“Yeah…” he trailed off, “I guess so.” Stephanie patted his side of the bed and he lumbered over, his limbs still aching slightly from the hours he’d spent at his work. He tugged his shirt off, one hand behind his back to pull it over his head, and tossed it into the corner of the room near the wicker laundry basket that he’d been convinced to buy. He rolled over to drape an arm over Stephanie’s prone form and tried to pull her closer to him.

“No, baby, not tonight,” she said with a yawn, setting her phone down on the bedside table and turning off the light. “I’ve got a meeting early in the morning.”

“Yeah, okay,” he said with a sigh and rolled back onto his side of the bed. He adjusted himself against his pillows and let the chaos of his mind start to loosen and unravel into the fabric of sleep. There was a loneliness in him that steeped at this time of night. He couldn’t really put a finger on the why of it all though.

The next morning when his phone buzzed to wake him, he looked over and saw that the other side of the bed was rumpled, but empty. He swung his legs onto the ground and then got up to hastily make the bed. He had never been the best at these sorts of domestic things, but he could still hear his mother drilling into him the importance of making your bed, folding your clothing, and vacuuming at least once a week. He was lackluster at folding, and the vacuuming got away from him on more than one occasion, but the bed was still something that was deeply ingrained within him for better or worse. When he’d tugged the sheets into some semblance of order, he picked up his phone and was assaulted with a wave of increasingly urgent messages, all from Armitage.

His eyebrows shot up beneath his hair as he scrolled through.

**_> Hux:_ ** Call me

**_> Hux:_ ** Urgent, please call

**_> Hux:_ ** Solo, answer your fucking phone

**_> Hux:_ ** Snoke is calling us into a meeting. Get your ass here ASAP.

They only devolved from there into more expressive profanity and before Ben could type out a response, he saw the incoming call from the very same person. He swiped to accept it and put the phone to his ear.

“Christ, Hux, what the fuck is going on?”

“ _ Finally!  _ I’ve been trying to reach you for hours,” the reedy voice of his business partner echoed over the phone.

“My phone was on silent,” he reasoned, “Stephanie doesn’t like getting woken up by work calls. My alarm just went off.” Stephanie wasn’t here right now, he thought in a passing sort of way, but still.

“Well, get your ass dressed and get to the office. It’s a fucking disaster.”

“What, the investors are upset that we don’t have the new patch out?” Ben joked for a second, only feeling slightly guilty that he hadn’t allowed one of his employees to work on the bug instead.

“There might not  _ be  _ any investors,” Hux said, his voice full of dread and finality, and an icy grip clenched Ben’s insides. 

“What the fuck are you talking about?” he asked, his tone suspicious.

“Just,” Hux said, breathing out a heavy sigh and Ben could practically see him pinching the bridge of that long nose. “Just get here as fast as you can, okay? Don’t stop for coffee, do not pass go, do not collect two hundred dollars.”

“Okay, okay,” Ben said defensively, already hopping around to get into a pair of jeans as he pinched the phone between his ear and his shoulder. The ride to the office was as quick as it could be when one can’t find a cab and must take the subway. Ben was no stranger to the rattling cars though, having done it for nearly a year while their fledgling company was getting its legs under it. These days he normally took a cab or his car service, but if Hux’s agitation was any indication, he thought perhaps he didn’t have the time to wait.

He rushed past the reception area, waving off the usual “Good Morning, Mr. Solo,” from the ladies manning the desk. Becky had moved on months ago, and he knew better now than to fraternize with the women who might or might not take his important calls and put them in perpetual hold limbo.

Ben spotted Armitage Hux in the conference room where Snoke, immaculate as always, sat with his back to the glass. Hux looked stretched out, his already lanky frame looking impossibly thin. His usually fiery and immaculate hair hung down in limp strands on his forehead and his eyes looked sunken and hollow. Hux was wearing a suit, or at least had been. His dress shirt looked rumpled and his tie was hanging loose around his neck. Come to think of it, the office itself was incredibly quiet. Normally the hustle and bustle of hungry hipsters and fellow tech geeks like Ben greeted him, but aside from the reception area, the office was empty. What the actual fuck was going on today?

Ben ripped the proverbial band-aid off and made his way into the conference room. Hux looked up at him, his expression haggard. Snokes eyes lit on him and his mouth was set in a grim line. “Ah, Benjamin, so happy that you could join us.”

Ben wheeled back a chair and plopped down, looking at their financial advisor with trepidation. “Do you want to explain what all this is about?”

“Well, to put it quite bluntly, I regret to tell you that I am going to have to end our business partnership,” Snoke said, cutting to the quick.

“What?” Ben asked, incredulous. “Why? What’s going on?”

“We’re broke, Ben. Dead in the water,” Hux croaked, sinking his head onto the table.

“What do you mean broke? We were  _ just  _ talking about going public  _ last week _ ,” Ben asked, a fury in his voice. “How the fuck are we broke?”

“Well you see,” Snoke said, a condescending sneer in his voice, “A business can only function if money is coming in to balance the expenses going out. You have no money coming in, therefore you have no business.”

“Well, weren’t you supposed to-to-to manage all this?” Ben spluttered, a ringing starting in his ears. “How the fuck did this happen?”

“The competition went public first,” Hux said, “They’re also claiming that they patented our technology first and are threatening litigation if we don’t cease and desist all operations. The investors have all run scared. No one will touch us.”

“So we hire lawyers,” Ben said, his voice cracking a bit, “They have no right to-“

“With what money?” Snoke prodded. “I’m sorry to say, boys, I do see this kind of thing happen all the time. Young people come to the city every day with big ideas, but sometimes it just doesn’t…pan out.”

“Our entire business going under is just  _ ‘not panning out’?” _ Ben wanted to kick something, maybe throw a punch or two at the business man in front of him. “Why didn’t I hear about any of this until now?”

Snoke pulled out several large documents from his briefcase, many of them with an incredible amount of red and a large number of zeros. He sighed, clucking his tongue as he pushed them over to Ben and Hux. “It was my impression that you didn’t want to be  _ bothered  _ by this side of the business unless I was telling you how much was going into your bank accounts. But I suppose now, you’ll have to find a way to sort through this all. My coming here today was really just a formality, a show of good faith on our agreements. I could have just had my assistant fax this to you both.”

Ben looked at the bills laid out in front of him, projections that had  _ seemed  _ promising before, but now showed a dramatic nose dive. He looked at what they owed from the rent on their floor, the payroll they still had to give out, even a line item for the catering they’d put a down payment on to celebrate going public in a few weeks. He felt dizzy just staring down all of their expenses and his chest tightened. His mind was racing as he thought about his  _ own  _ impressive bills, credit cards that he used so liberally because the thought of  _ not  _ having money to pay them off was ludicrous to him.  _ Was. _

“Well, it was a pleasure to work with you boys. If you ever get another big idea, let me know. You have my card,” Snoke said perfunctorily, snapping his briefcase shut with a click that seemed to echo in the den of the office. And then he was gone. And it was just Hux and Ben staring down the barrel of financial ruin.

After a time that might have been hours, maybe minutes, maybe days, Ben looked over and said, “What the fuck do we do now?”

Ben had never had much of a head for finance. He’d never had to until this point. But he and Hux both sorted through the massive pile of documentation that Snoke had left them.

“We have to pay them all,” Ben said with finality, looking out the conference room glass at the empty building. “We can’t just…they have families and lives too. It’s bad enough we had to let everyone go.”

“You’re not wrong,” Hux said, “But what about our loans?”

“I don’t give a shit about those,” Ben said with venom. “Fucking bloodsuckers. No. We made a promise to our employees”  _ former  _ employees, he amended in his head, “and we need to keep that first. We can-can figure out the rest later.”

“There is no later,” Hux said, his tone growing angry. He wasn’t necessarily angry  _ at  _ Ben, but it was easy to let passions run high today. “Bloody fucking hell. What are we going to do? You know I’ll probably have to leave the country, right? My work visa won’t be valid.”

Sometime later, the pair had broken into a gift bottle of whiskey acquired from some investor who’d courted  _ them _ instead of the other way around. Ben was feeling incredibly drunk as he pored over the papers and the sky had moved from the grey of morning and early afternoon to the dusky blacks of evening. Spring was just starting, he mused. He’d had several increasingly agitated conversations with their bank today and the long and short of it was that they’d need to dissolve all of their liquid assets in short order. In addition, it was going to take everything from their combined  _ personal _ accounts just to cover the salaries and wages of their lost workforce. The whiskey was doing a good job at taking the edge off.

Ben’s phone buzzed in his pocket, and he pulled it out, squinting at the name on the glass. “It’s Stephanie,” he muttered. “What do I tell her?”

“Fuck if I know. She’s  _ your  _ girlfriend,” Hux said. “I still haven’t told Phas.”

Ben fumbled with the lock screen to answer the call and put it to his ear. “Hullo?”

“Where are you?” Stephanie said, a hint of irritation in her voice. “We were supposed to go to the restaurant an hour ago.”

“Hey baby, I’ve had a  _ baaad _ day,” he said. “I’m here with Hux. Say hi, Hux.” Ben tapped the speaker icon and held his phone aloft. Hux made a groaning noise.

“Hello, Armitage,” Stephanie said, her voice clipped. “Ben, what’s going on?”

“Well, you see,” Ben said, “We’re broke.” He said the last part with a bit of drunken glee that could only truly be accomplished by someone fully at the end of their rope.

“You’re what?” Stephanie asked, sounding as stunned as Ben had felt earlier. “Are you drunk right now?”

Ben took the bottle of whiskey into his hand and lifted it in front of his face, screwing up his features in concentration as he looked at the few inches left in the bottom. “I think I am.” An exasperated huff on the other end of the line sounded before it clicked and went dead.

It was several days before Stephanie would return his phone calls. By that point it had become abundantly clear that he was swimming – no not swimming, that would imply that he was keeping his head above water – no,  _ drowning  _ in debt and unpaid bills. He’d drained his savings, his checking, his entire IRA account and they’d sold everything they could. Their program had been eagerly bought by the competition for pennies, to add salt to the wound, and that had only been just enough to take the edge off the debt. He wanted to grieve at the loss of his programs and his ideas as they were auctioned off piecemeal to the highest bidder, but it was just one crisis after another.

Now he was standing in the apartment that he could no longer afford in clothes that he still had to pay off on several credit cards that somehow already knew he was a risk and had lowered or canceled his lines of credit. He felt like he couldn’t breathe if he thought about it too long, so instead he chose not to do that.

A faint knock came on his door and he wrenched the door open to find Steph there, looking supremely uncomfortable on his doorstep. He pulled her to him in a hug, but she stiffened under his touch. Ben backed up to look at her and he could see the look in her eye. He knew what it meant. But he couldn’t help himself when he asked, “What’s going on?”

“We…need to talk.” No one who had ever uttered those words had ever had  _ good  _ news to talk about.

“What’s there to talk about?” Ben asked, feigning ignorance. Maybe if he didn’t look at it directly, she couldn’t get to the obvious point. “We’ll figure it out.”

“No, Ben,” Steph said softly. “ _ You’ll _ figure it out. I don’t-I just don’t think this is going to work out anymore.”

“So that’s it then?” he asked hotly, his voice betraying his weariness and irritation. The strain of the last week had taken everything out of him. “The money’s gone, so now you’re leaving too? Is that honestly all you ever cared about?”

“I just don’t think we want the same things,” she replied, not letting him goad her.

“Jesus Christ, Steph,  _ that’s _ the line you’re gonna use?” Ben was beyond caring about the volume of his voice. She was dumping him using the most tired and overused lines in the book. “What next? ‘ _ It’s not you, it’s me’?” _

“Fine,” she huffed, losing her temper now. “Do you want the truth, Ben? I can’t be with someone who doesn’t have a future. What can you possibly offer me, Ben? Certainly not your sparkling personality.”

“You’re a real bitch sometimes, you know that? Fine, just-just go then,” Ben growled angrily. Steph didn’t need telling twice and spun on her heel to leave. She didn’t even look sad about it. Maybe he should chase after her, try to convince her to stay with him. He’d find a job, three if he had to. But he didn’t. What was there to chase? She’d made it abundantly clear that his only attraction had been his wallet, and with that gone, well he didn’t even have it in him at the moment to mourn her loss. They had been together, sure, but there really wasn’t anything  _ there  _ between them. No future. Just like him.

The days went by in a blur now that he was unemployed and newly single. He was wearing the days thin on the lease he had, and if he let himself linger too long, he’d find himself once again consumed with dread. He didn’t know what he was going to do. He was on borrowed time and he knew it. Homelessness? He’d never really thought about what he’d do if he didn’t have a place to stay. Maybe his car? He could probably do that. Find a shitty part time job like college and earn just enough to pay for parking. Maybe a gym membership so he could shower?

As he was going over the possibilities in his head for the thousandth time, his phone buzzed. He groaned at the ceiling, then groped around the sheets until he found the device buried in the covers. He glanced at the contact ‘ _ Mom’ _ as it flashed a picture of his mother across his screen. He thought about sending it to voicemail. He’d done that a few times already in the time since his company had floundered. Hell, he’d been doing that for most of the last ten years if he was truly being honest. But maybe he was feeling masochistic tonight, or maybe he was feeling sorry for himself (the more likely), so with another moment’s hesitation he slid the green phone icon and held the receiver to his ear.

“Ben?” his mother spoke first, like usual.

“What do you want? I’m sort of busy right now,” he said tersely as he looked at the ceiling of his empty apartment, contemplating the rest of his empty evening. Even at twenty-nine he couldn’t shake the chip on his shoulder, and despite picking up the call he wasn’t in the mood for a lecture during the worst week (or was it two weeks, he’d lost count) of his life.

“I heard about your company,” Leia started, her voice more tender than he’d heard it in a long time. It reminded him a bit of when he was a kid and he’d fallen down. He could remember how she’d pulled him into her lap as he sniffled and cried at a scraped knee.  _ “Shh, shh, it’s okay, little starfighter. Be brave for mommy. This will only sting for a moment, I promise.” _

__

“I wanted to say that I’m sorry,” she continued. “I know how much it meant to you.”

“Do you?” he asked, huffing a little bit at the thought. “Do you even know the first thing about me?”

“More than you might think,” she retorted, snapping slightly before letting out a sigh.

“How did you even find out?” he questioned, deflecting her because he didn’t know how to respond to that. The implied  _ ‘Not from me’  _ was practically deafening in his statement.

She hesitated now, and he kept silent to let her come out with it. It’s a trick she’d used on him countless times growing up. Turnabout was fairplay, he thought. “I have friends…in New York.”

“Friends? So, you’ve, what, been spying on me?” It sounded almost childish coming out like that, and he felt a bit like he was a teenager again just saying it. The old hurts came back with a vengeance.

“It’s not exactly like I’ve heard any of this from the source,” his mother replied, frustration evident in her tone. And then she tried to temper her next words with softness, “Is it so wrong for me to want to know if you’re doing okay?” 

“Yeah, well, it took you long enough,” he bit back, bitterness seeping through every word.

“Benjamin Henry Solo,” she started at his impudent response, the fire he’d inherited from her flaring in her voice. And then inexplicably, she softened once more. “You need help right now, Ben. Just….just let us help you.” He was disarmed by this. He tried to come up with a counter argument, but he was just so tired. Tired of New York, tired of the bills, tired of lying another night in his empty room after a day of arguing with the money men. So, he’d let them help him. His parents had both arrived in New York and there hadn’t been judgment like he’d anticipated. They’d wordlessly helped him to pack his things, hired movers and his mother, the lawyer, had found ways to negotiate him out of his lease. He shrunk visibly when his mother ripped open his credit card statements and, after a phone call with her bank, struck down his debt. His mother and father had come down to pluck him from the very pits of his own collapse and as much as he wanted to still be angry at them for everything that had happened during his childhood (and he still was to an extent, make no mistake about that), he felt safe. For the first time in a long time. It had taken them nearly thirty years to finally be the parents he needed, and it couldn’t have come at a more opportune time.

The feeling didn’t last of course, as the reality of his situation sunk in to him. His salvation had come at a price and just because they had paid everything off didn’t mean that he wasn’t expected to pay them back. So now, here he was going back to the one place he vowed that he would never spend more than twenty-four consecutive hours at: his hometown. He’d spent twenty-five years fighting to escape and it had only taken a further four to send him hurtling back with his tail between his legs. With no small effort, he got in his car, turned it over, and set the GPS on his phone to Chandrila, Indiana.

* * *

“Okay, and you have the emergency contacts?” Rey asked for probably the fifth time that day.

“Yes,” Ben sighed, humoring her. She was packed and ready to leave but was still finding excuses to put off leaving. He took her hands in his and gave her a long look, before putting his forehead against hers. “It’ll be  _ fine.  _ I promise. You’re only going to be gone for a few days.”

“But you’ll call me, if  _ anything _ happens?” she fretted, acting like a nervous parent.

“Yes,” he sighed, smiling at her in exasperation. “Now, go.” He practically pushed her through the front door.

She turned to him, biting her lip, before surging onto her toes and giving him a slow, smoldering kiss. “Ben, I want to thank you. This is….” she trailed off, looking about nervously as if afraid someone might overhear her. “I’m actually really excited about this. I didn’t think I would be, but it feels…right.”

“You should be; you’re gonna do great,” he said, cupping her face. “Besides, it’s just like babysitting right? How hard could it be?” She gave him an odd look at that, but the moment passed quickly and then she was hitching her bag over her shoulder. She gave him one last lingering look and he pecked her on the lips before giving a little shove. “Go.”

Rey nodded and did one quick little double take before piling into her old beater of a car. She moved quickly and he smiled, knowing she was probably eyeing her rearview mirror until she’d turned the corner of their street.

Ben was happy for the opportunity for Rey, he really was, but part of him already missed her. He consoled himself with the thought that if,  _ when  _ he corrected himself, Rey got this freelance job she’d be able to spend more time doing what she was passionate about. And it didn’t hurt that maybe she’d have a reason to leave Chandrila with him someday. This felt like progress. Maybe not for him. Not yet at least, but it felt a bit like he was laying the foundations for something good. And then eventually, they could leave this small town behind them permanently.

With this on his mind, he walked back inside the house. It felt strange to be here without her, not least of which because he was willingly spending time with the same man who he’d spent the greater part of his childhood avoiding like the plague. Rey had formally introduced them just a few days prior because she didn’t want her grandfather to be “surprised” when Ben watched him during her absence. The introduction had gone well enough, he supposed. All things considered. Sheev Palpatine had tensed at the sight of him, as if struggling to piece together his identity. Ben certainly wasn’t going to be the first to remind him of the time that he’d practically broken into his house with an incredibly intoxicated Rey. The old man had looked Ben up and down suspiciously as Rey had said, “Grandpa, this is my friend, Ben. He’s going to be helping out here for a few days while I go out of town.”

“Yes, of course, child,” he had conceded and the difference in his demeanor as he talked with Rey was palpable. “Where did you say you were going again?”

“I’ll just be going to Chicago,” she had told him patiently. “I might get to do editing again.”

“Well, that’s wonderful,” her grandfather had said cheerfully, and from the corner of his eye he could tell that Rey had likely already shared this information with him. But still, she smiled dutifully as he continued, “I always knew you were a bright girl.”

Now, he didn’t have Rey as a buffer between him and the old man. And it was very, very apparently in Mr. Palpatine’s demeanor. For a moment Ben could just see himself at ten years old again, being chased off the old man’s lawn with a shaking fist after he’d crashed his bike. He’d lived next to the geezer for the better part of thirty years and their relationship had never been exactly cordial. Decidedly less so after the events of a decade prior. But for Rey, he would try.

“Hey,” he tried to start cheerfully, running through the list Rey had given him of her grandfather’s routine. “How about we…. watch some TV?” It came out more as a question than anything and the old man merely gave him a withering look before picking up the remote and flicking on the old transistor television set. He silently switched through the stations, settling on a channel that played reruns from the seventies.

Ben spent the day going through Rey’s incredibly detailed checklist. At noon, he got up from the couch with a grunt, happy for the opportunity to stretch his legs, and pulled out one of the plastic containers that Rey had prepared beforehand. He looked it over and smiled at the little note she’d taped to the side  _ “Wednesday Lunch”.  _ He took the contents, some sort of stew he surmised, and poured them into a bowl before putting it in the microwave to reheat. When it was done, he pulled it out and set it on the small table.

“Are you hungry?” he tried to sound cheerful as he attempted to prod Sheev into eating something. “It looks really good.”

The old man merely pursed his lips and looked up at Ben sourly. “Don’t patronize me, boy. I’m old, not stupid.” Ben’s face went slightly slack at the snappish tone. Rey had warned him that her grandfather could be…abrasive. All the same, the old man pressed the button on the chair to bring himself to his feet. Sheev grunted and stretched before shuffling to the table where he proceeded to shovel the warm food into his mouth. Ben sat across from him, and looked up when the old man barked, “Is there tea?”

“Tea?” Ben asked, going over the list and swearing internally. How could he have forgotten the tea? He went to hop up, but the old man had already swung to his feet, grumbling all the while.

“For God’s sakes, boy,” the old man said and bustled about the kitchen, rifling through the drawers to look for the tea bags. Well, this was going…swimmingly.

“Here, let me help you,” Ben said, trying gently to take the teakettle from him. He tugged, but Sheev Palpatine was deceptively strong. “Just. Come on!” He hadn’t meant to raise his voice, and already he regretted it. The effect was immediate though, and Rey’s grandfather looked at him apprehensively before releasing his hold on the kettle. He swore under his breath and then looked pleadingly at the old man, “Please, just,” Ben blew out a breath, “Just sit down for a second, and I’ll take care of it.”

The look of alarm had faded on his face and then settled into something darker, more brooding. Ben didn’t have the time to ponder that, instead turning his attention to the kettle. He looked at it stupidly for a moment. It was just  _ tea _ . How hard could it realistically be? His eyes darted around and then he saw the paper left out in Rey’s handwriting. It was settled underneath a box of Earl Grey tea packets.

_ Ben, _

__

_ Thought you might need a hand with this. _

__

She had detailed step by step how to first use the kettle and make the tea. He tried not to feel too patronized that she’d anticipated he might have trouble operating a kettle, but hell, it wasn’t like he drank tea. Even when he’d had the slow drip coffee maker, it’s not like he’d actually  _ used  _ it. He looked over Rey’s tidy handwriting and meticulous instructions and breathed a sigh of relief. How did she manage to think of  _ everything _ ? He brewed the tea and when it had steeped sufficiently, he poured it into a mug that he set in front of Sheev. Ben slid over the honey and the milk to him where he looked begrudgingly satisfied. The old man gave Ben a curt nod and he felt like he had the situation under control again. Finally.

The old man sipped pensively at the drink for a few minutes before shattering the uneasy peace. “I remember you.”

“What?” Ben asked, the corner of his mouth tugging down.

“I remember you,” Sheev repeated, staring at Ben with a hard look. “You’re that boy. The one who brought her home.”

Ben’s mouth felt dry suddenly, and his jaw worked as he tried to puzzle out his response. Deciding the truth was preferable he just nodded silently. Having his deduction confirmed, Rey’s grandfather merely fixed him with another long stare. “You left.” The words were matter of fact as he continued, “I didn’t think you’d come back. I hoped you wouldn’t. I hoped she’d just…forget. You don’t deserve her.”

The words were from a man who didn’t really know Ben anymore, really just the recollections of a man who’d seen Ben’s turbulent adolescence, but still…He couldn’t deny that the words stung. This man was Rey’s only family and the fact that he so clearly disapproved of any relationship between them only made Ben feel defensive and slightly jaded. It was like the past was speaking through him, resentment at the  _ years _ they had lost, as Ben shot back, “Well, I guess it’s good that you don’t have a say in it anymore.”

“Mm,” was the response, and Ben watched Sheev narrow his eyes. “I think I’m tired now.” Ben sighed and stood up to offer a hand but was brushed off. The elderly man made his own way back to his favorite chair, as proud as one could be with arthritis bowing their back slightly and proceeded to pointedly ignore Ben.

The rest of the day followed in the same terse silence, and by the end of it, Ben felt thoroughly drained. He had helped the old man go to bed at seven and retired to Rey’s bedroom. He’d never  _ actually _ been in here before and now he was going to stay the entire night in her space. He’d seen it for years from the window directly across the adjoining driveway, but this was a new experience. He glanced around, looking at the inside from this new angle. She still had posters from high school tacked to the walls, dated visions of singers or movies that all the girls had been obsessed with ten years ago. He walked over and sat down on the twin bed, the springs creaking under his weight as he settled backwards. Even the sheets smelled like her. The room was tidy and organized, which really shouldn’t surprise him given the state of the rest of the house. He turned on his side, breathing in the scent of Rey’s shampoo on the pillow. He plunged his hand into his pocket and pulled out his phone, flicking through his contacts. His thumb hovered over her name for a moment and he took a deep breath before clicking her name.

The phone rang once, twice before he heard Rey’s voice on the other end, “Ben, what’s going on? What’s wrong?”

“No, nothing’s wrong,” he said quickly, and he could hear her exhale with relief on the other end. “I just…missed you.”

Her voice was muffled slightly by the noise in the background, but he could hear the smile as she replied, “Oh. Well, I miss you too.”

“How was the drive?” Ben asked, searching for small talk to keep her on the line. Just hearing her voice helped soothe the tension from the day, like a valve had been released.

“Oh, you know-” she started and then he heard someone call out for her in the background. He heard her exhale slightly and then said, “I’m sorry, Ben. I can’t talk that long; I’m out with friends. I’ll call you tomorrow after the interview, okay?”

“Yeah. Sure. Sounds good,” he replied, blowing out a breath and trying not to let his disappointment show too much in his voice.

“I love you,” she replied firmly as if she could read his mind.

“I love you too,” Ben said after a moment. “Go, have fun. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” He heard her mumble something affirmative in response and then the line went dead again. He groaned in frustration and let his phone drop onto the floor as he stared at the ceiling. The day had been…a lot harder than he had originally anticipated. He looked over and saw a well-worn paperback laying on the side table. Absently, he picked it up and thumbed through. He’d never actually looked at her books before, but a smile quirked his mouth up as he looked at all the little notes she made in the margins. It was the same book she’d read to him weeks and weeks ago. He opened it up to the point he last remembered and let his eyes drift over the lines, finding comfort in her handwriting, until sleep overtook him.

Ben woke up the next morning, the book covering part of his face. He blinked awake and wiped the drool from the corner of his mouth. Glancing at the time, he had to fight the urge to swear loudly as he shot out of the bed. He rushed from Rey’s bedroom to her grandfather’s and was surprised to see the old man already sitting up in bed. He looked smaller and slightly downtrodden. When he noticed the door had opened, he looked up hopefully, but after seeing Ben’s face his expression faltered and dropped back into that pinched expression.

Ben did his best to set things out, following the schedule that Rey had repeated to him several times. Sheev looked more tired, more…resigned, today than he had yesterday. Ben sighed, “Do you….Do you need any help getting dressed?”

Apparently, that was the wrong thing to say because the old man furrowed his brow and said bitterly, “No.” Ben choked back a response, grimacing as he nodded and left the room. He stood in the hallway and tried to bite back the irritation he was feeling. He only had to survive another day of this. Rey would be back in the morning. He could handle this. Right?

Finally, he heard shuffling from within and the old man emerged looking as sour as ever. Ben decided to stand back, watching for any cues that Rey’s grandfather actually needed his help, but the old man made his own way down the stairs and to the living room. Ben trailed behind, and went about the morning routine he’d been given by Rey. He heated up Thursday’s breakfast, set it down at the table and even felt a surge of pride at remembering the tea this time. Sheev looked at him for a moment and silently sat at the table to break his fast. It felt like progress. “The weather is nice,” the old man said then.

“Oh,” Ben replied, not anticipating having to make conversation this morning. “Yeah. I guess it is.”

There was silence once again after that until a few minutes later, “The weather is nice.” Ben quirked an eyebrow at Sheev and nodded. This continued on at random intervals until Ben sighed heavily and stood to stretch.

“Do you….want to go to the park?” Ben asked, remembering vaguely that Rey had said something about her grandfather needing more exercise. Maybe the old man was just restless, and Ben figured a change of pace couldn’t hurt anything, after all. It might be nice to get out of the house. Rey’s grandfather contemplated him for a long moment and then glancing at the door, nodded.

It was an easy matter, in Ben’s opinion, to lead him to his car and the old man settled into the side seat. His brow was furrowed as he looked around at the interior of Ben’s car. “Where are we going?”

“The park,” Ben said, trying to aim what he thought was a calming smile at Rey’s grandfather. “You said the weather was nice.”

“Yes, well, I suppose it is,” he replied and sat back. The drive was smooth and short, and by the time they arrived at the small city park near Chandrila’s center, Sheev had visibly relaxed. He was looking out the window at the passing greenery and was that actually the hint of a smile crossing his lips? Ben felt relief at the break in the tension of the past two days and thought to himself that if this was how the rest of the day went, he’d be able to offer a favorable report to Rey.

He slid his car easily into a parking space and hopped out to go open the door for the elderly man. He actually took Ben’s hand which frankly was probably the most surprising thing to happen all day. Ben helped lead the man to a bench overlooking the fountain and was going to sit next to him when his phone began to buzz in his pocket. He pulled it out and watched as his charge sat placidly facing the open air of the park, he answered the call. He shot glances backwards as he stepped away to take the call.

“Hey,” he said happily, and the response on the other end was charged with excitement.

“Oh my god, Ben, I got it!” Rey exclaimed and his smile broadened at her ecstatic tone.

“Well, of course you did,” he replied.

“But you don’t understand, Ben. She said that I was the  _ most _ qualified candidate that applied, and if I do well, I can even sign on permanently,” Rey was practically breathless as she explained. Ben put a hand in his pocket as he paced up and down, every so often sneaking glances back to the park bench.

“Rey, that’s amazing,” Ben said, and it was like he could already see the life they’d start to build together.

“Yeah,” she agreed, “I’m going to go celebrate with Rose and Finn tonight, and then I’ll be back in the morning.”

“We can celebrate again when you get home,” he said, hoping that his enthusiasm would carry through the phone.

“That sounds wonderful,” Rey replied, “So, everything is going well there?”

“It’s going fine,” he breathed, only partly a lie. It was definitely going better than it  _ had _ been. “In no small part because of the notes you left for me. I’m not sure whether to be impressed you thought of everything or be offended that you didn’t think I’d be capable of figuring out a tea pot.”

This earned him a laugh on the other end, “Just call it…well, just call it a  _ feeling _ . Plus, it gave me peace of mind. I-I know you can handle it. It just hard for me to, you know, let go.”

“Mm,” he breathed, “I guess I get that. Anyway, I should get back to it. And you should go have fun.”

“Yeah, okay,” Rey responded and there was that tension, that apprehension back in her voice. He told her he loved her again and they hung up. He pocketed his phone once more and walked back to the bench. Sheev still had his back turned to him, so Ben put a hand on his shoulder, hoping it wouldn’t be too much given the fragile peace they’d so recently made.

Rey’s grandfather turned with a start and looked up at where Ben’s face towered over him. “What’s going on?”

“I have good news,” he said and went to go sit down, but paused as the old man tensed visibly at his presence.

“What do you want from me?” Sheev started to say, his eyes darting nervously around. 

“What do you mean?” Ben questioned. Rey’s grandfather grew more agitated in response. Ben tried to reach out to calm him, but he stood up and backed away quickly. He was far quicker than Ben could have anticipated. People in the park were beginning to stare at them, catching the raised tone of the old man’s voice. 

Ben’s face felt warm from their scrutiny. He hadn’t done anything wrong, but this was starting to look  _ bad. _ “Please. Just-just calm down. Don’t do this here,” he pleaded under his breath. But the low tones only seemed to exacerbate the mood that the old man was in and he shook his head violently.

“No, leave me alone,” Sheev said louder this time and now people really were looking their way. Ben could see people starting to gather in his periphery and panic was settling into the pit of his stomach. “Where am I?”

“Shh, please,” Ben reiterated, holding up his hands. “You’re at the park. We just went for a nice walk. It’s me, Ben.”  _ Fuck, fuck, fuck _ . The old man began to move farther away from him, and Ben instinctively stepped forward as if he was trying to catch Chewie before he bolted. The move cost him even more traction with Rey’s grandfather who was whipping his head about now at the encroaching group of people. It was a small town, and he knew, at least tangentially, many of the faces. But now they all might as well be cold strangers with how they were looking on at the exchange happening before them. The difference between the person he’d grown up next door to and this unnerved elderly man was like the difference between a crack in the sidewalk and a chasm that splits the earth. Ben’s mind was racing as he tried to figure out how to de-escalate this mess and  _ fast _ . “Just, please, get back in the car with me and we’ll go home.” There was a tense note of panic in his tone, his voice practically cracking from the strain of faked calm. He just had to get the situation back under control. That’s all.

But of course, life being the perfect shitstorm that it was for Ben Solo, that wasn’t what happened. Instead, a uniformed officer breached the crowd — likely summoned by one of the nosy onlookers — and approached the scene as it unfolded. He didn’t recognize the man, which was odd considering how few people came and went from the small town. Maybe he was a transplant from Indianapolis or some other city to the Chandrila police force. “Is there a problem here, sir?”

Ben’s breath caught in his throat. He could explain his way out of this. He just had to stay calm. Ben gestured to Sheev, “He’s just a little confused right now. I’m supposed to be-“

The old man didn’t recognize Ben, but he certainly knew what the blue uniform meant and sidled closer to the officer.  _ Perkins _ , Ben read the shiny tag above his pocket with chagrin. “I don’t know what he wants from me.”

“Sir, are you in danger?” the officer directed the question to Sheev now, completely disregarding Ben.

“I-I don’t know,” the old man answered pitifully. “I just want to go home. My granddaughter is waiting for me. She’s got her book club today.”

“No, she doesn’t,” Ben interjected, and the tension seemed to grow at his interruption. He pinched the bridge of his nose, breathing deeply as he tried to explain as calmly as possible, “My girlfriend. That’s her grandfather. She’s out of town right now. I’m supposed to be watching him while she’s gone.”

“Liar,” Sheev hissed and the officer looked helplessly between the two men.

“Okay,” the officer sighed, and Ben felt a wave of relief wash over him until the next words left Perkins’s mouth, “But I can’t know that for certain. Sir,” he spoke to Ben now, “I’ll need you to come downtown with me.”

“What?” Ben exclaimed. “I haven’t even done anything wrong!”

The grim line that set on Perkins’s face made Ben immediately want to backtrack. “I can’t take any chances. So, I’m going to insist that you come willingly.” Perkins reached over to his radio, “This is Perkins, responding to the code two disturbance.”

“Go ahead, Perkins,” he heard a scratchy voice sound out over the radio.

“I’ve got two parties involved, one male, thirties, six foot. The other, male, late seventies. I need medical assistance, please.” It all sounded so clinical and Ben felt something pressing in on his chest at how outrageous this entire situation was turning out to be.

“Copy that, Perkins. Sending someone your way.”

And then it was like time was moving in a blur. The officer asked for Ben’s license, which he proffered with trembling fingers, and it was run through the system. He barely heard the words “under arrest” and “turn around” before he numbly complied. His brain felt like it was wading through molasses, wondering exactly at what point the day had gone so terribly, terribly wrong. His eyes were still on Sheev who looked frightened and lost as an EMT looked him over and loaded him into the back of an ambulance.

Ben was having a hard time processing as he was put into the back of the police car and taken to the county jail. It could have been hours later when Ben was finally let out of the holding cell and allowed to make a phone call. The internal debate raging within him quelled in a moment and he knew what number to call. Ben pressed the buttons automatically, hoping that he’d get a response and his shoulders sagged in relief as the phone picked up. “Hello?”

“Mom,” Ben said, his voice cracking slightly. 

“Ben, what’s going on? I tried to stop over earlier and no one was at Sheev’s house. Are you okay?” 

The questions kept pouring out over the line of the phone, but Ben stopped them all when he uttered, “Mom, I need your help.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay. So this is the start of the ending for this story I've envisioned. Stick with me and I'm going to work on resolving it in the next four chapters. I'm excited to finish this story out and get it completed. I'm juggling a few other WIPs and an exchange fic, but this story is definitely NOT abandoned. I'm hoping to have another chapter out within a couple weeks or so.
> 
> I'm on the [twitter](https://twitter.com/_RamboBrite_) if you want to come yell at me.


	12. Chapter 12

Rey sat at the table, feeling slightly claustrophobic as the walls of her grandfather’s house seemed to close in on her. She’d spent the last few weeks just trying to get things in order as her entire life had changed so dramatically in such a short period of time. It was like someone had taken the junk drawer in the kitchen and turned it upside down, letting the contents scatter everywhere. And now she was expected to pick everything up and return it to its proper place.

At first, she had gone about things cheerfully enough. She had rationalized that she just needed to use up some of her vacation time and get things back on track. At least, that’s what she had told Jannah when she had asked Rey about it. It had seemed easy at first to just go about their daily routines, and she could almost pretend that she was back in high school. She would drive her grandfather to the doctor who had wanted to perform a series of more and more complicated tests. Rey had furrowed her brow as the doctor had thrown about terms like “cognitive impairment” and “appropriate treatment plan” but had thought it was just routine after what had happened.

So, she’d spent a week with him, the longest she could spare from her job, and he’d  _ seemed _ to be fine. He could still drive, despite what she was now referring to as “the incident”, and for all intents and purposes it seemed to Rey that her grandfather had just hit a rough patch. After conferring with her friends, all older folk had their moments. They had all assured her that it wasn’t anything out of the ordinary when she’d needed comfort. After a week he did seem to be back to his usual self. So she’d kissed him goodbye, confident that she’d done her duty as his loving granddaughter, and drove back to the city.

She had just started to settle back into her life in Chicago when her phone rang and her grandfather’s landline number flashed on the screen. She picked it up, her fingers hesitant, and then placed the phone to her ear. “Hello?”

“Rey,” her grandfather had said, seeming nervous. “I have…news.” And then her whole world had seemed to fracture. The straight path that she’d thought of when she considered her future had broken away beneath her feet leaving her in freefall. But above it all she was struck with a startling moment of clarity.

“I’ll come back,” she had said, cutting off his tirade about treatment.

“Rey…you don’t have to do that, there are…options.”

But there weren’t options. Not really. “No, I want to. You need someone to take care of you. And… I can do it.”

“Rey, we should at least consider-“

“There’s nothing to consider, grandpa,” she said sternly, and then softened it, “You’re just going to be stuck with me. It’s not the first time, so at least you have practice.”

The line was silent, and she could hear him blowing out a breath. “Alright. If you think it’s best.”

She’d tendered her resignation to First Order Publishing the same day. She tried to figure out how she could sublet her small apartment until Poe and Kay had put her in touch with Tallie, a friend of theirs who was looking for a place in the city. Rey had packed all of her belongings, which truly hadn’t amounted to much, and packed them gently in the back of her beat up old car.

“You’ll come back for the wedding though, right?” Rose had asked, as Finn had shoved the last box into the backseat of her car.

“Absolutely,” Rey had promised, taking Rose’s hands. “I wouldn’t miss it. We’ll still see each other all the time. You know that Chandrila is only a few hours away.”

“Of course,” Rose had said, looking uncertain. Then Rey had embraced her friends warmly and waved to them, prepared for the new life she had chosen. She tried not to look too much in the rearview as she puttered out of the city, the Chicago skyline growing more and more distant as she traversed homewards.

The ensuing weeks blurred and blended into a stream of occurrences that Rey had a hard time separating. She’d accompanied her grandfather on doctor’s visits and errands, and they’d begun to defer to  _ her  _ in regard to his treatment, as if he wasn’t  _ right there. _ It felt wrong somehow. They told her that they’d need to reevaluate in six months to see if the disease was truly progressing and given her medications for him. Then Rey had dove headfirst into learning her grandfather’s routines. She had  _ thought  _ she knew him, understood his comings and goings from years of watchful observation, but then she’d realized how woefully inept she was. She’d come to learn that he had been sporadic at best at taking his daily pills. There was a veritable litany of new and complicated names she’d had to familiarize herself with as she organized his pill container. Simvastatin for high cholesterol, Lisinopril for his blood pressure, Omeprazole to treat reflux, a daily vitamin to keep him healthy. This one was only once a day, that one needed to be administered twice daily, and the list went on. It was enough to make Rey’s head spin.

And then when she’d found the state of his finances. She’d never bothered to even look when this had all been a temporary situation. She’d actually never bothered to look before at all. She’d never had to because her grandfather had always been so incredibly responsible and meticulous. She could remember him balancing his checkbook every Sunday evening, and so it would never have occurred to her that he might  _ forget. _ Rey noticed the first envelope with angry red letters in all capitals when she retrieved the mail, some few weeks after returning home. She had ripped it open, and then another, and then another as they trickled in. “Final Notice” and “Past Due” flew before her eyes. It had felt like something was pushing down heavily on her chest, and the very next day she had sat her grandfather down with the late bills.

“No, that’s not possible,” he had huffed, and picked up the documents to look over the dates. “It must be a mistake. I would  _ remember _ if I hadn’t been paying my bills. I’ve been paying my own bills for over fifty years. I’ve never-“ But then he’d honed in on the dates, and dug out his checkbook. He flipped through the carbon copies of every check he’d made and his face had fallen slightly.

“I can handle it,” she’d said once more. “Grandpa, I can handle the finances. Just-just show me how.” And so, they’d gone on another errand, this time to her grandfather’s attorney.

The man was young.  _ He’s probably the same age as Ben _ , Rey had thought absently. He’d taken over the practice from his father who had been Sheev Palpatine’s lawyer since he’d first moved to America nearly thirty years ago. The lawyer had nodded sympathetically and had been kind. After her grandfather had signed the document making Rey his “Power of Attorney”, he’d been quiet and stoic on the ride home. The silence was deafening, and Rey didn’t comment on how her normally proud grandfather sat with his hands in his lap and his eyes on his feet. He looked defeated and it made Rey feel a little bit defeated too, as if she was losing a battle she didn’t even know she’d been fighting.

And with that one more responsibility was added to her daily routine. The days continued to wear into even longer weeks and Rey knew that she needed to find a job. Her savings were decimated and the gut-wrenching terror of becoming a burden engulfed her. So, she’d taken her little car out and gone to every store, every restaurant, every place of business that she could think of in Chandrila that might hire her. So many closed doors and sympathetic smiles, with pity in their eyes because the news had already spread like wildfire in this small town. And then…she’d found something. She’d swallowed her pride and her dignity and every other scrap of warning in her brain that reminded her that Unkar Plutt was a cheat and scum and had gone to work. She’d fumbled through her first shift and left practically in tears because she’d gotten several drink orders wrong. Plutt had taken it out of her tips and she left that first night with barely enough money to cover the gas to make the roundtrip.

So now, months had passed in a flash, and she sat at the table in her grandfather’s kitchen, steeling herself to accept this new life. She tried to swallow her own bitter disappointment about how it didn’t match anything she could have predicted. But it felt like everything was  _ over _ . She was exhausted. And according to the doctor’s it was only going to get harder.  _ How _ was she going to do this? Her breathing picked up in pace, her heart rate accelerated as anxiety gripped her with icy talons. She stood abruptly, pushing the financial ledger that she had been skimming away from herself and rushing out the backdoor.

Rey practically sprinted to the shed and it was like she was six years old again, hiding from her grandfather while she tried to process the loss of her parents. Only this time, there was no friendly neighbor boy to offer her comfort or solace. It was just her, finding a way to muddle through this alone. She doubled over, trying to force her breathing back under control through sheer will, trying to find the strength to go back inside, trying very hard not to think about the next shift she’d have to do at the Outpost where it felt like a little piece of herself died every night.

“I can’t do it,” she admitted quietly to the ground, defeat and shame washing over her. Tears welled in her eyes at how truly overwhelmed she felt at everything that she was trying to juggle now. She felt like someone had thrown her into the ocean without a floatation device, and now a rip tide would pull her further and further out until she sunk from pure exhaustion.

Rey wasn’t quite aware that the tears, which had developed into sobs, had grown loud until she heard a soft feminine voice ask, “Everything alright over here?”

She looked up and saw through the gloom of the night Ben’s mother, standing at the fence and watching her with concerned eyes. “Oh, Mrs. Solo, I’m sorry, I didn’t- I just-“

“It’s perfectly okay, dear,” she said, and her face was soft and warm. In the light thrown off from the back porch, Rey could see her eyes were the same warm brown as Ben’s. She wondered that she’d never noticed it before now. Leia seemed to be thinking for a moment before saying, “I have a pot of water for tea going. I don’t sleep very well, you know. I don’t think I can drink it all. Would you mind terribly helping me? I’d hate to waste it.”

“Oh,” Rey breathed, and turned her head to hastily scrub at her eyes. “Erm, sure.” She jumped over the fence dividing the two houses like she’d done a thousand times before, and followed after Leia who stopped long enough for her to catch up before wrapping a reassuring arm around Rey’s shoulders. It felt odd somehow going into the Solos’ house without Ben here, but it felt a little like coming home all the same. Leia gestured for her to sit as she bustled to the stove. Chewie sidled in from the living room, sitting next to Rey and nosed at her hand and whined until she began to scratch absently at his fluffy ears.

Leia came back with two mugs of hot water and a couple of tea bags. “Chamomile. I hope that’s okay.”

“Y-yeah,” Rey said heavily,

Setting them down on the table, she turned to Rey, “So, how are you, dear? I think it’s been… well, it’s been  _ years _ since we’ve really had a chat.”

Rey let her eyes drift down to her tea bag, placing it in the mug with inordinate care to avoid Leia’s gaze. “I’m….I’m fine.”

“Mm,” Leia said, and Rey could hear the scrape of the chair legs as the older woman pulled up to the table. Rey chanced a look at her and watched as those brown eyes observed her with an inscrutable expression. It made Rey want to duck down into the chair to avoid being seen. “ _ ‘Fine.’  _ You know, Rey, I’ve been a lawyer for — and you’ll forgive me if I don’t tell you exactly how long it’s been but — nearly all of my adult life.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Rey nodded, not sure where this conversation was going.

“One thing about being a lawyer is that you learn very early on when you’re being lied to,” she said, a soft chuckle following. “Something I think my son never appreciated growing up.” Rey tried to turn her face up into a smile at the mention of Ben, but it was a herculean struggle when she still felt totally overwhelmed. Leia reached out a hand, soft and warm, and put it onto Rey’s arm. “So, it’s okay, you know, to not  _ be _ fine.”

The backs of Rey’s eyes were stinging with the effort to hold back tears. When she looked up at those soft brown eyes — so, so similar to ones she’d spent years looking into— it was too much, and like a levy breaking loose, everything began to spill forth. Rey dropped her head into her hands and told her neighbor everything. She told her about quitting her job in the city, about how her grandfather seemed so lost and frustrated and embarrassed by his new condition, she told her how overwhelmed she felt by all this sudden new responsibility and how guilty she felt that she  _ was  _ overwhelmed. Tears tracked readily down her face and at the end her face felt puffy and sore. All the while Leia just looked on, absorbing her story and her feelings and her thoughts. When Rey was done, the older woman’s eyes were soft. She didn’t look like she pitied Rey, and to be honest, Rey had had far and away  _ enough  _ pitying gazes thrown at her lately. She didn’t know if she’d be able to bear another coming from Mrs. Solo.

Leia reached out once more and grasped Rey’s hand, rubbing circles on the back as she started, “Did you know that Ben wasn’t planned?”

“What?” Rey asked, sniffling slightly and trying to rub at her nose before it got snotty. Confusion was evident on her face, so Leia pressed on.

“Han and I got married…very young,” she said, and Rey could see that Ben’s mother was far in the past as she recounted the tale. “Everyone always assumed because we were married that young that we must have been pregnant — I wasn’t — but really, we were just very in love. Children were the farthest thing from our mind. We both agreed. We were married almost right out of high school. Han isn’t exactly what you’d call a patient man, and he didn’t see the point of waiting until I was finished with my schooling. So, we got married, and I went to Northwestern and then to law school right after. He followed me, working odd jobs mostly, trained to be a mechanic eventually. We had so many ideas and plans for what would happen when I graduated. We’d travel, refuse to be tied down; after all I’d only gone to law school to appease my father.”

“And then Ben came along?” Rey asked, supplying the end of the tale.

“And then Ben came along,” Leia nodded. “It was my last year of law school. And that really brought both of us down to earth. Suddenly we had a  _ baby _ on the way, and we had to be responsible. All those big dreams had to change. A lot of things had to change, actually.”

“And then what happened?” Rey asked, but she already knew the end of this tale. She’d lived it after all.

“We moved to Chandrila, settled, placed roots. Han opened the garage and my father had an old family friend, Ben Kenobi, who helped me get settled right after law school. He didn’t mind that I was as big as a house,” Leia chuckled. “He took me under his wing. He’d already helped my brother with an internship the year before. Before Luke went and joined the Peace Corps that is. We named our son after Old Ben, actually.”

“I didn’t know that,” Rey said quietly, fascinated by this vulnerable side of Ben’s mother that she’d never seen before. “Did you…Did you regret it? Having to give up your dreams? Ben…Ben thought you did.”

There was a sad look in Leia’s eyes now and it took years off of her face, “I- Not for a single instant.” She cleared her throat, emotion brewing there, “Sometimes, dreams change. It wasn’t what we planned, but I wouldn’t change it for the world. Some things are worth the sacrifices we make. Do you understand what I’m saying, Rey?”

Rey took a deep shuddering breath, and met Leia’s kind eyes, “I think so.”

Leia stood and walked over to her, stroking her hair gently, and Rey closed her eyes at the contact. “It’s a hard thing, an honorable thing, that you’re doing. You’re a very strong girl, Rey. You always have been. And when all is said and done, I don’t think you’ll regret having spent your time this way.”

“I-“ Rey started, but didn’t know what to say. 

As if reading her mind, Leia sighed and said, “You don’t have to have all the answers right now, but it’s something to think about. Now, finish your tea, you’ll feel better.” Rey sipped on the chamomile, the mellow sweet flavor washing over her and it was like a soothing balm.

They both sat in silence after that. It wasn’t a brooding silence or an uncomfortable silence, but more the silence between two people who understand one another, and no more need be said. Rey drained her mug, setting it back gingerly on the table and moved to leave. She had a lot to mull over, but somehow Leia’s words about sacrifice and dreams changing made sense in a way that very little had of late.

“Rey, when everything is…settled,” Leia started before Rey could exit, “If you want, I have some contacts. In Chicago. I could probably arrange something for you?”

Rey thought about everything she was trying to juggle, her brow furrowing in contemplation before smoothing out. She thought perhaps that she’d already taken advantage of her neighbor’s generosity enough. So, Rey gave Leia a polite smile before telling her, “Erm, thank you, Mrs. Solo, I appreciate it, but maybe…I think you’re right, I need to focus on things here.”

“Well,” Leia said with a nod, “the offer stands. If you change your mind.” Rey nodded and then on impulse rushed forward to give her neighbor a hug. Leia seemed surprised at first but pulled her in close, and Rey imagined for a moment that this is what it might be like if her own mother were still alive.

Rey backed away first, clearing her throat and moved toward the door, “Thank you again, Mrs. Solo. For the tea and…everything else.” Leia nodded, a sad smile on her lips as Rey went back to her home. It still felt…hard, but perhaps just a little easier than it had been.

* * *

The door of the small Lincoln Park apartment looked exactly the same as when Rey had last seen it, nearly two years ago. She looked around as if the worn carpet might offer her advice and then shut her eyes tightly before rapping once…twice. She exhaled. The hardest part was over and she could already hear the noises from behind the door.

The door swung open and Rey stood looking at the occupant with an uncomfortable expression. Rey faltered for a moment before getting out a lame,“Hi.”

Rose stepped back, leaving the door open as she crossed her arms and took everything in. “Hi.” She had an inscrutable expression on her face for a moment before it broke, and she was coming forward to wrap Rey in a hug. Rose’s voice was muffled as she got out, “I’ve missed you.  _ A lot. _ ”

Rey could feel emotion welling in her eyes as she embraced Rose in return, “I’ve missed you too.” Rose ushered her inside and Rey settled in on the couch as her friend set about making coffee for the two of them.

Rey shifted her weight as Rose came back and pressed the mug into her hands. Rey held onto it, busying herself with pouring creamer that Rose had brought with her and watching it spread like smoke in the depths of her coffee. She buried herself in distraction so she could put off awkward conversation for a few moments longer. Finally, she cleared her throat and looked at her friend who seemed to be waiting patiently. “I’m sorry...that I missed your wedding.”

Rose took a moment, collecting herself, before responding impassively, “You know I don’t care about that right? I mean, I do, sure. I wish you’d been there. We missed you. But it doesn’t matter.”

“It doesn’t?” Rey asked tentatively, gulping some of the hot bitter liquid before she could say anything more. She’d expected yelling, a fit of anger perhaps, but this calm wasn’t what she’d expected after over a year of little to no contact with her best friend.

Rose closed her eyes and gave an amused huff before pressing on, “No, Rey, it really doesn’t. Everyone knew that you were going through some  _ stuff. _ ” Stuff was an understatement, but Rey didn’t correct her. “I just wish you hadn’t iced us all out when it happened. We’ve been friends for what, nearly twenty  _ years _ now?”

“Has it really been that long?” Rey asked, a nervous chuckle escaping her.

“Yeah, it really has,” Rose replied, a wry smile on her face, “And so it hurt when you just shut down, and we didn’t hear from you, and we could have helped. You were there when my nana got sick in high school. You remember how beat up me and Paige were. But you didn’t even give us a  _ chance. _ ” Rose ended emphatically and Rey shrunk a bit under the scrutiny.

“I know,” Rey said, her voice cracking a bit. “I think I was just so overwhelmed by  _ everything _ , and I couldn’t be everything for everyone, and then things just started to pile up and I just- I guess I got tunnel vision. I couldn’t ask for help but I couldn’t disappoint everyone for not asking. And then it was just easier to push everyone away... It was stupid.”

“Yeah, it was really stupid,” Rose responded, and when Rey looked up, she could see a hint of a smile on her face. “That’s you, my stupid best friend. So...what changed then? I was kind of surprised to hear from you.”

Rey lifted her eyes and could feel the color in her cheeks rising. It was like she was in high school again gushing over her crush, but this time he wasn’t  _ just  _ her crush. Not anymore. “Ben.”

“Wait. Ben Solo, that Ben?” Rose asked, her eyebrows practically disappearing under her dark fringe.

Rey bit her lip and nodded, “We’re sort of…seeing each other now.”

Rose’s eyebrows shot impossibly higher before she said, “And you waited  _ this long _ to tell me?”

“I had to do the proper amount of groveling first,” Rey responded and Rose rolled her eyes.

“Well consider everything forgiven  _ after _ you tell me  _ everything _ . You should have led with that!” Rose replied, and then paused, “Wait!” She pulled out her phone and dialed a number, bringing it up to her ear. “Kay, you’re never gonna believe this. Yes, she’s here….In my apartment….Well get over here now!”

Rose made Rey wait until their mutual friend arrived, pinning her under a  _ look, _ and then the three were huddled in Rose’s living room just as if they were meeting after school. Her two friends grilled her for every detail of her new relationship. She told them about Ben living in Chandrila again, how he’d confessed his feelings for her in a rather…unorthodox fashion, and then how he’d been the one to convince her to pursue this opportunity. And of course they pressed her for details about their more...intimate relations. Specifically regarding certain characteristics about Ben that had been previously unknown among their group. Rey had colored a bit but spared no detail about Ben’s  _ prowess. _

“Well, good,” Kay said, and hugged onto Rey with a giggle, “Because you deserve it.” Rey would have been amiss if she hadn’t seen the sparkle and shine flutter in front of her face. She gripped out and held Kay’s hand steady to look at the rather large diamond perched on her pale finger.

“Oh my god, Kay, you’re engaged?” Rey asked incredulously and looked up at her friend’s sheepish grin. “When were you going to tell me?”

“Well, now seems like a good time,” Kay replied, embarrassment filling her tone. “Um, yeah, so Poe proposed to me. A month ago, now.”

“That’s, just-“ Rey said at a loss for words, “That’s wonderful, Kay.” And then she was wrapping the blonde in her arms. It really did feel like when they would gush over boys in high school. “God, we’re all grown up now, aren’t we?”

“Yes, and Rose might be okay with it, but I really, really need you to be at  _ my  _ wedding,” Kay said her words coming out quick as she took Rey’s hands. “You both,” she looked to Rose, “are my best friends, and I can’t do this if you’re not there.”

Rey took a deep breath and nodded, “Of course. I-I promise, Kay.” Part of Rey felt extremely guilty for promising to spend more time away from her grandfather, but another part —the secret part that she tried to push down every day in Chandrila— felt happy, felt free, felt like she was finally coming alive again. She didn’t realize how deep she was until Ben pushed her to come here. It felt a little bit like she was  _ Rey _ again. The high of this realization was heady and nearly overwhelming. She was spared from having to examine it much further by the arrival of Finn coming in the door.

“God, honey, traffic was a  _ nightmare _ ,” he groused, kicking off his shoes with fervor, before seeing the two visitors. He didn’t seem surprised to see Kay, but when his eyes found Rey he lit up with a huge grin. “Heeeey! Peanut, you’re back! Rosie  _ told _ me you were going to come visit, but I didn’t believe her.”

“Well, I’m here,” Rey replied and stood up, not sure if she should be offended by his vote of confidence. She was enveloped in a bear hug that knocked the wind out of her.

“Well, this calls for some celebrating,” Finn said with finality, “We can all go to that place downtown together. Catch up.”

Rey was swept up in the motion of the city once more, the hustle and bustle that had seduced her in college and then in the early part of her career. It was so far from the peace and the safety of Chandrila. It was intoxicating to be back in the city, to be surrounded by her friends again. In fleeting moments, Rey wanted nothing more than to stay here, but then she would remember her grandfather and resign herself once more. She’d need to return to Chandrila. There was too much there waiting for her.

Hours passed as she reveled in this small slice of freedom, but her mind kept drifting back, worry eating at her stomach. As if summoned by some force, she looked at the name on her phone and it was like an icy shower overtook her.

“Ben,” she asked frantically, picking up the call, “What’s going on? What’s wrong?”

“No, nothing’s wrong,” he said quickly, and Rey let out a breath she didn’t know she’d been holding. Her worst fear was that something might happen while she was gone. She felt unease grip her even as she tried to fight it. She tried to cover her ear to drown out the bar noises as she heard him say, “I just…missed you.”

Rey’s heart swelled in her chest. It still felt surreal some days that  _ Ben Solo  _ might miss  _ her.  _ That he loved  _ her _ . “Oh. Well, I miss you too.” She really did. The only thing that might make this trip better was if Ben was here by her side.

“How was the drive?” he asked.

Rey thought about the traffic, the pile up she’d been stuck in that had gotten her to the city later than anticipated and started, “Oh you know-“

“Rey, you gotta come see this,” Kay called from across the room, hanging off of Poe’s arm. Rey looked up and tried to wave her away, pointing at the phone.

“Peanut, if you don’t get over here in two seconds, I’ll come get you myself,” Finn laughed.

Rey exhaled, wishing she had a quiet spot to talk to Ben. But her friends hadn’t seen her in  _ years _ and she would see Ben in less than forty-eight hours. He’d have her all to himself, or as all to himself as he could, given her schedule. With a tinge of regret she said, “I’m sorry, Ben. I can’t talk that long; I’m out with friends.” The disappointment coming from the other end was nearly tangible as if he yearned for her just as much as she did for him. She thought quickly, finding words that might help soften it for him, “I’ll call you tomorrow after the interview, okay?”

“Yeah. Sure. Sounds good.” His words were clipped and slightly strained. It reminded her of nights spent talking on a porch step, and Rey wished she could just pull him into a hug like when they were children.

“Rey, come on!” she heard in the background, and shot a reproving look at her friends’ impatience.

“I love you,” she said seriously, hoping that she could convey all of her sentiment in just those words.

She heard an exhale on the other end then, “I love you too. Go, have fun. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

Rey smiled, responded with “Okay,” and then clicked the phone as she saw Finn playfully stalking over to make good on his threat. She looked at the phone once more before slipping it into her purse again.

* * *

The next morning found Rey sitting in an austere waiting room. She’d rushed around Rose and Finn’s cramped apartment that morning, applying lipstick, jumping on one foot as she stuffed a leg into her pantyhose. It almost felt like she’d never left as her body remembered the routine. And now she was fidgeting in some grey Herman Miller chair waiting to talk to the head of the Resistance publishing house. She looked into the black screen of her phone once more to check that she still looked put together. Her hair wasn’t too messy after the ride on the bus, and her lipstick wasn’t smudged, which was a wonder given how many times she’d nervously chewed on her lip.

Just as Rey was getting ready to shoot another nervous glance at the clock on the wall, she heard someone clear their throat. She darted her eyes up and saw a tall willowy woman with hair the color of lilacs. “Rey Palpatine?”

Rey had never shot up quite as quick as she did then, practically tripping over her sensible heels in her haste. She strode forward quickly and shook the proffered hand, her heart pounding. “You’re Ms. Holdo?”

“Please, no need to stand on ceremony. It’s just Amilyn. None of my staff calls me Ms. Holdo, and so neither should you,” the woman said with a smile.

“Your staff?” Rey asked nervously, echoing the words.

“That is the million-dollar question, isn’t it,”  _ Amilyn  _ said, that same smile on her face. “And if you’ll follow me, I’d be happy to discuss it with you.” Rey merely bobbed her head in response, not trusting her voice at the moment. She wanted this  _ so  _ badly, she realized in that moment. She hadn’t dared to let herself think about Chicago before, or her dream or the career that she’d given up. But now that she was  _ here _ it hit her just how much she  _ did want it. _ And that wanting translated into the worst case of nerves she’d ever experienced. Her legs felt weak as she willed herself forward and then inside of Amilyn’s office.

It was smaller than Rey would have thought given the tasteful décor of the waiting area. “Please, sit,” the taller woman gestured, and Rey perched herself on the edge of a seat, pulling her folder into her lap. “So, Rey, that’s an interesting accent you have. Not quite American not quite something else either.”

“Oh,” Rey replied, startled, “Erm, I was born in London. England, that is.”

“Yes,” Amilyn replied with amusement, “That’s the only London I know.”

“Right,” she started again, cheeks flushing, “But I’ve lived in America since I was a child. I guess my accent sort of stuck, though.”

“Mm,” was the response and Rey wished she could fold herself in and hide for a moment. “But you’re all set to work here in the states?”

“Yes,” Rey replied quickly, “I’ve been a citizen since I turned eighteen.”

“Excellent. But then Leia wouldn’t have sent you here if there was any doubt,” Amilyn responded with a smile, then her expression grew more serious. “Before we go any further though, I’d like to make something perfectly clear. As much as I love Leia, I’m not swayed by nepotism. I have a very small operation here, and it takes  _ a lot  _ of effort to stay competitive. Therefore, I only hire based on qualification and ability.”

Rey nodded, swallowing a hard lump in her throat. Was she about to be sent out of here with nothing to show for it after all?

As if sensing her apprehension, the woman’s expression softened into a smile once more as she said, “Relax, you’re on the home stretch, I promise.”

Rey couldn’t breathe a sigh of relief just yet, instead asking in a high-pitched voice she barely recognized, “Did you-did you get my samples? Of my previous work?”

“I did,” Amilyn nodded, and pulled a stack of paper toward her that Rey recognized as the files she’d sent over the previous week. “And I also made a call to First Order Publishing. It seems you made quite a splash over there in the what, year, you worked for them?” Rey nodded and Amilyn continued, “They were very impressed with you. Especially Enric Pryde.”

“He was?” Rey asked, incredulity coloring her tone. She tried to police herself back into some semblance of calm but Amilyn merely chuckled.

“Well, I’ve known Enric long enough to know that he wasn’t happy that you’d left, which qualifies as a compliment coming from him,” she responded, and Rey chanced a smile. “So, tell me a little bit about that, Rey? I got the impression that you left in quite the hurry. I just want to make sure that if I hire you, you’re committed.”

And now they’d come to it. “Well you see,” Rey started hesitantly, “my grandfather became... ill. I quit so that I could take care of him.”

Amilyn looked at her sympathetically. “That’s a very noble cause. I can see why you left. Is he — and I hope you don’t find this too personal— still  _ with us _ ?”

Rey cleared her throat, “Erm, yes. He’s back…home. Still.”

“Ah, so you’d be looking at a remote position then?”

“Yes, if at all possible,” Rey replied, looking up eagerly and hoping that she was giving the right answers. “I’m…I’m all that he has.”

There was a moment of silence as Amiliyn looked down at the stack of papers with Rey’s resume, her portfolio, her hopes and dreams before she started to speak again, “Well, I’ll start by saying that you’re the most qualified candidate I’ve had in my office in some time, and certainly the most qualified I’ve had apply for my _part-time_ position. And it’s far from unheard of to have you work remotely. Frankly, it saves me a little money on the lights.” Amilyn laughed at her joke and Rey tried to smile. “But I just want to ask, is this really what you want, Rey? You seem to have…a lot on your plate.”

Rey thought about it for a moment, but honestly, she didn’t need it. She looked up with a fierce determination in her eyes, “Yes. More than  _ anything _ .”

“That’s what I like to hear,” the older woman said, and her grin broadened. She stood and extended a hand, “Welcome to the Resistance.” Rey felt like someone had expanded a balloon inside of her chest as she took Amilyn’s hand again.

The rest of the interview seemed to pass in a blur as Amilyn talked about benefits and the company philosophy and her  _ future.  _ God, it seemed like a dream.

“Most of our part-timers end up coming on to full staff after a brief trial period,” Amilyn said happily. “That’s part of why I personally interview everyone. I want to make sure I get a good feel for who we have onboard. We’re a family here at Resistance and once we acquire talent, we like to take care of them.”

“That sounds…. wonderful,” Rey replied, still feeling as if she could walk on air. The interview wrapped up, Rey practically unaware of the conclusion in her excitement. As soon as Rey was safely out on the pavement, though, she practically screamed in exhilaration.

She pulled her phone out of her clutch and slid over the texts from Rose and Finn wishing her luck and promising that they would celebrate tonight,  _ when  _ not  _ if  _ she got the job. She had no time to respond to them though as she dialed Ben’s number. He was the very first person that she wanted to tell. She was practically breathless, and she swore she might float away if she wasn’t careful.

He seemed just as excited as her at the news and that left her feeling warm in a way that no one else but him was capable of accomplishing. With Ben filled in, she made her way back to Lincoln Park and her friends. They all congratulated her with equally ecstatic shouts of glee. The world for once seemed like it was moving  _ forward _ again. Maybe she could do this. She could rise to the challenge, and take care of her grandfather. She could still have her dream job, her dream life. It was a breath of air after  _ years _ of drowning.

She was so lost in this as she was swept into another round of celebration that evening that she didn’t even think twice of Leia’s name coming across her screen. She picked it up and was about to offer her a million thanks when Ben’s mother started, “Rey, I need you to come home. Something happened with Ben and your grandfather today.”

And it was like the happy bubble burst.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so I know this is quite the pain train to spring on y'all this close to the end. This does have a HEA though like I promised. This is just the pre-ending conflict, I promise. It will be resolved in what I hope is a satisfying way in the chapter after next. Just one more chapter of angst after this.
> 
> I hope you won't judge Rey too harshly for feeling a bit of caregiver fatigue this round. 
> 
> Also as a side note, this is the last flashback chapter. The rest will all be in the present timeline but in split POV going forward.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heads up, this chapter is going to be high angst. The next chapter will be much better, but I wanted everyone to know for this one.
> 
> I'm hoping to bang out the next chapter soon as it's the climax and resolution to this bit of the story, and the last chapter will be a continuation of the resolution and the epilogue.

Rey walked into the hospital at nearly ten at night. She drove there with a heavy foot on the accelerator, praying silently that no one would pull her over, but still the nearly two hundred miles between Chicago and Indianapolis couldn’t be traversed in an instant. She hadn’t slept since the night before, and the emotional tide of the day left her feeling drained as she strode to the nurses’ desk. She had gone from the highest of highs this morning —she could scarcely believe it was still the same day— to the most earth shattering of lows. From the instant that Leia had called her and in hurried tones gave her a basic rundown of what had transpired, she had turned off all emotion. She had been razor focused on just getting back here and sorting things out; she didn’t have time to let her emotions overcome her.

But now as she strode in, she could feel her internal rope tightening, fraying with each passing second. “Hello, I’m here for Sheev Palpatine.”

“And you are?” the nurse asked warily, looking at Rey. She had had only enough wherewithal on leaving to hastily stuff her suitcase in her car. Honestly, she would have just left it if her car hadn’t been parked outside of Rose and Finn’s apartment. Her appearance was bedraggled and spoke of a different place and occasion than this. She had been dressed for dinner and then she’d practically sprinted to the bus stop to get back to Lincoln Park. Her friends had insisted on  _ at least  _ riding with her in a cab. She’d worried at her hair until it was an utter mess the entire ride. And then she’d run, taking the stairs two at a time and grabbed her keys, her belongings— breaking a heel in her haste hadn’t even been enough to stop her mad dash, she’d merely shoved her feet in a pair of worn sneakers — and then she had piled herself into the car. Rey had looked at the gas tank and purposely drove on, and the car pulled into the Indianapolis city limits running on nothing but vapors.

“I’m his granddaughter,” she replied to the nurse tersely.

“Do you have any identification?” the nurse — _ Judy _ , Rey observed her name tag— replied with suspicion. “It’s past visiting hours, and-“

“I don’t give a  _ fuck _ about visiting hours,” Rey practically screeched, the stress of the day finally weighing down on her. “Let me see my grandpa  _ right now!” _

“Rey,” someone said softly behind her and she turned to see Leia. Without thought, she let herself be pulled into a hug. She was overwhelmed and tired and god it felt good just to give in to it for a moment. She heard Leia speak from over her shoulder, “What do you need?”

“I just have to verify who she is,” the nurse said, her voice a muffled blur as Rey’s tears started to flow, “The state requires it by law.”

“I helped  _ write _ some of those laws,” Leia grumbled, pressing Rey into a seat and gently prying her purse from her hands. Rey didn’t fight her, and the older woman rifled around until she pulled Rey’s license out and handed it to the nurse. “There, is that enough evidence for you?”

It must have been, because Leia beckoned for Rey to follow her and then Rey’s feet were moving with unnatural speed. She practically ran around the corner and burst into the room holding her grandfather. He was asleep on a bed and she walked over to the chair beside him and sunk down, taking his hand in hers. He seemed to start at the contact and she immediately backed off as he regained consciousness. His eyes darted around his surroundings and then landed on her. All of her grandfather’s apprehension seemed to melt at the sight of her face. “Rey, where am I?”

“You-You’re at the hospital, grandpa,” Rey said, her voice cracking a bit from the strain. She could feel the backs of her eyes sting with the effort to avoid crying again.

He looked around, at the equipment and it seemed to verify the truth. He nodded, and let out a sigh before asking softly, “Are we leaving soon?”

Rey turned around to look at Leia who merely shook her head, and then looked at her grandfather again, “Erm, I’m working on it, I promise, grandpa. We’ll be home soon. Just-just rest for a bit and then we’ll be going home.” He looked uncertainly at her but just nodded again.

A half hour of asking and waiting and talking was enough to inform Rey that they  _ wouldn’t _ be going home that night. Leia had only a small amount more information than Rey, but trailed after her as she inquired with the head nurse. In that time Rey didn’t ask about Ben; it was too much right now. And Leia didn’t say anything until after the nurse broke the news that the hospital was required to come up with a “safe discharge plan” in conjunction with someone from the state. Rey would have to meet with the representative the following day, because  _ of course _ it was the middle of the night and she couldn’t be reached until morning.

Afterwards, Leia cleared her throat and put a hand on Rey’s arm, “Rey, we need to talk about Ben.”

“What?” Rey asked, blinking stupidly at her.

“The police will need you to make a statement. There’s a lot of confusion, and I need you to help clear it up,” Leia said softly, but her tone was now businesslike. “We can do it in the morning if you want, but the sooner the better.”

Rey nodded, “What do you need me to do?”

Leia explained the process and made a phone call. Afterwards she said with a sigh, “They’ll probably come in tomorrow before you meet with the social worker. We can get everything wrapped up then. For now, you need to rest.”

“Will you stay with me?” Rey asked, feeling a bit like a small child. “When the police come?”

Leia looked conflicted, her face filling with discomfort as she responded, “I would, dear, but I can’t be here, legally speaking, when you give your statement. I’ll stay a while longer though.”

Rey nodded and Leia followed her back inside of the hospital room. A friendly nurse came in and asked if Rey would like a cot. She nodded and then laid herself down on the creaky makeshift bed as soon as it was set up. Leia stroked at her hair as she lay there, and Rey dozed in and out of an uneasy sleep as exhaustion finally overtook her.

When she woke up, she was alone with her grandfather who was absently flipping through the channels on the old television. The wall clock read out six-thirty. “Good morning,” she croaked, and her grandfather looked at her for a moment with a sympathetic smile.

“Good morning, dear,” he said, “Are you feeling better now?”

“Feeling better?” she asked him with a furrowed brow.

“You must have been feeling ill for us to be in the hospital,” he replied matter-of-factly. “I’ve already talked to the nurse. She said you’re doing much better today.”

Rey swallowed a lump in her throat and tried to cover it with a cough, “Oh, yeah, grandpa. Much better. We’ll be out of here really soon.”

“Well, I’m glad to hear it,” he replied cheerfully, “Don’t worry, Rey, they’ll get you fixed up. In the meantime, let’s see what they have on the telly.” And then he was back to flipping through the channels as Rey rubbed the sleep from her eyes. She found herself telling these half-truths to her grandfather more and more these days. It was easier than trying to tell him something that would make him frightened and upset. She lay back on the sheets that smelled strongly of bleach, joining him in watching some mindless infomercial that was the only thing running this early in the morning, until a nurse came in and cleared her throat.

Rey looked up at the woman who gestured to a pair of uniformed officers and a dark-skinned young woman who didn’t look much older than Rey herself. “You have…visitors.”

“Grandpa,” she said, and he glanced over at her, “I’m just going to go check in on a few things, okay? I’ll be right back, I promise.” He nodded perfunctorily and went back to watching the television. She slipped out into the hallway, her limbs feeling like lead, and approached the group of people.

“Are you the next of kin for Sheev Palpatine?” the woman asked, and Rey nodded.

“Yes, that’s me. I’m his granddaughter,” she replied.

“And that’s, Rey, correct?” the woman pressed, and once again Rey responded with a nod. The woman extended a hand that Rey gingerly accepted. “Excellent, I’m Korr Sella with the Department of Human Services. I was told they informed you a bit about what would happen today?”

“I was told that we needed to make a plan before they’d let me take my grandpa home,” Rey responded sharply.

“Yes, that’s our protocol in this type of situation,” Korr Sella replied, her tone already taking on that soothing, saccharine characteristic that everyone seemed to have when they wanted to treat someone “delicately”. “If you have some time, I think we can get everything straightened out this morning.”

Rey followed the three down the winding hallways of the hospital and into a little conference area. She felt a bit like she was being interrogated as she sat facing them and picked at the stack of old magazines on the fake wood laminate table top. “What do you need me to tell you?” Rey asked, not looking up at the officers or the social worker or the beige paint on the walls of the cramped room.

“Well,” Korr started and if she noticed Rey’s sour mood, she didn’t comment on it. “These gentlemen are here to speak with you about the circumstances that led to yesterday’s events. I’m interested, myself, and I’ll likely ask you the same questions, but we can do our interviews together or separately. Whatever you’re comfortable with.”

“Together is fine. I just want this to be over with,” Rey said, her patience threadbare. Korr nodded to her and one of the officers started asking her questions about where she had been the previous day, who Ben was in relation to her and her grandfather, and the nature of her grandfather’s condition. Rey answered each question with clipped responses, feeling the eyes of the second police officer flickering between the laptop he was recording everything on and her face as if searching her words for artifice. She surrendered her license to them once more as they processed her statement and when they finally both left, Rey felt completely drained. She didn’t want to keep talking to Korr Sella but didn’t see any other option.

“I’d just like to start by saying that I think this is a simple misunderstanding,” the woman said when the police officers were no longer in earshot, as if sensing the palpable tension in the room.

“A misunderstanding?” Rey asked curtly.

“Yes,” Korr nodded, “I’ve looked at the report that the hospital filed yesterday, and everything seems to check out with your story. Apart from his condition, he seems to be very well taken care of, Rey. I’d like to send both of you home today, but first we need to discuss the next steps.”

“Next steps? This isn’t  _ it _ ?” Rey waved a hand as she tried to hold back the stress of the last twelve hours, but it was seeping out in her voice.

“Unfortunately, not,” Korr replied sympathetically, “The state is getting involved because this is the second incident on file regarding Mr. Palpatine. There was yesterday, but also one about two years ago now, correct?”

“But I came  _ back _ ,” Rey responded, searching for words to justify herself, to prove to this Korr Sella that she wasn’t needed. “Why does the state need to-to  _ investigate  _ us? I’m there  _ every  _ day!”

Korr Sella had that same passive, sympathetic look on her face again as she interjected, “I don’t want you to think of this as an investigation, Rey. I’m not a judge or a detective, I’m just simply someone trying to make sure that things are running smoothly for  _ everyone  _ involved. That includes you too.”

“Everything  _ is _ running smoothly,” Rey bit out. “We’re doing  _ fine _ .”

The other woman let out a sigh, and Rey couldn’t help but feel a bit patronized, “I’m sure that you are, but if you’ll indulge me. The state requires that I meet with you both a few times just to assess everything. If everything goes well, I’ll be out of your hair in no time, I promise. So, let’s talk a bit about what that looks like and we can get you both on your way today, okay?”

Rey nodded and Korr pulled a folder with the Indiana Department of Human Services logo printed on the front. Rey flipped through where it outlined the process and had what she presumed were supposed to be helpful pamphlets for elderly care inside. Rey listened as Korr Sella talked her through the next month and what it would look like for her and her grandfather. They set an appointment for the following week to perform an “in-home assessment” —the first of several— and Rey finally,  _ finally _ got the go-ahead to leave the hospital.

Her grandfather seemed to be as tired as she was as she helped him into the passenger side of her car, and she couldn’t wait to just get home already. The forty-five-minute drive back to Chandrila from Indianapolis was spent in relative silence and her grandfather began to doze beside her as the road passed underneath them. Rey rolled down the window as they hit the halfway point, her eyes feeling heavy despite the fitful bout of rest she’d gotten back at the hospital. She pulled into the driveway of the home she shared with her grandfather at last and came around to gently rouse him.

As she began to guide him inside, she caught a glimpse of Ben, hovering at the side of the yard and looking like he would burst from agitation. She shook her head at him as she unlocked the door. 

If she dragged her feet getting her grandfather situated in his armchair and making sure he was completely at ease, if was only so that she could try to organize the tangle of thoughts and emotions she was experiencing  _ before _ talking with Ben. But Ben wasn’t going to give up that easily, and she heard a sharp rapping on the backdoor. Rey took a deep breath before, seeing her grandfather settle back into his nap, she made her way out to speak with Ben.

* * *

Ben had been pacing for the better part of several hours that morning. He knew he needed to talk with Rey. He also knew that when he’d used his phone call to contact his mother instead of her that he had made a choice. He’d had time to think about what that choice said as he’d gone back to the holding cell and waited for Leia to arrive. And then she had, and his mother had chided the police officers, many of whom she knew from her previous work at her law firm, about needing a moment to “speak with her client”.

As soon as they were alone in the room he’d frantically asked, “Is he okay? What’s going on, mom?”

Leia sighed, rubbing her temples slightly at the sudden onslaught of questions, “They won’t tell me anything, Ben. The only thing I know is that he’s being transferred to Indianapolis, and even that wasn’t something they wanted to just  _ tell me _ . I had to ask on Rey’s behalf, but _ that _ doesn’t go past this room.”

“Have you-have you talked to her?” he pressed, panic rising in his voice, “Is she mad at me?”

“Ben,” his mother said sharply, “I need you to calm down. Rey’s on her way home. I’ll meet her at the hospital this evening. The two of you can sort everything out together tomorrow, but right now we need to talk about you.”

“Well, just have Rey tell them to drop the charges,” he interjected, wanting to get back their previous topic of conversation.

Leia might have looked amused under different circumstances as she said, “You watch too much television, Benjamin. That’s not how these things work, unfortunately.”

“So, what, I’m going to get sent to jail because of a mistake?” he asked incredulously.

“ _ No _ ,” his mother responded firmly, “and if you’ll give me just a moment, I’ll explain what’s going to happen.” He opened his mouth to speak again but shut it under his mother’s reproachful glare. He gave her a nod and she continued, “Tonight, your father is going to pay your bail,” Ben winced at the thought of his parents now having to  _ literally  _ bail him out, but didn’t say anything, “ _ You’re _ going to go home, and wait to hear from me. Then I’m going to go to talk with Rey. She’ll need to speak with the police and make a statement regarding your situation, and then after that the _ prosecution _ will drop the charges. I’ll speak to Gial myself if I have to. I swear, I didn’t think that Chandrila was  _ so  _ unexciting that the police didn’t have better things to do with their time. When I see Wedge again, I’m going to give him a piece of my-” She launched into an emphatic tirade then, that fire in her eyes.

“Thank you, mom,” he said quietly, and it brought his mother up short. Ben picked at a spot on the table in front of them before continuing, “Thank you for…everything, really.”

“Oh, Ben,” she said, her eyes shimmering slightly as if in imminent danger of misting over. “Honey, this isn’t your fault, and you know that your father and I would do anything for you. We love you.”

He nodded, his own eyes feeling slightly watery, and came forward to hug his mother. She pulled back from him and her eyes  _ were  _ slightly damp now. She blotted at them with a handkerchief from her purse and then patted his face with a sniff.

After his mother left, he’d waited in the holding cell again until his father arrived to pick him up. They hadn’t exchanged many words and Ben was too agitated afterwards to do anything but wait. Leia called him late in the evening to let him know that she was there with Rey.

“I’ll be there soon,” he had said, already reaching for his keys.

“No,” Leia replied firmly, “You shouldn’t be anywhere near the hospital until  _ after _ Rey has made a statement. That’s the best way to ensure that all the charges are lifted, Ben.”

“But-“ he had started to argue.

“Just trust me, Ben. I hate this as much as you, but  _ please _ , just listen to me for once.”

And that had been the end of the conversation. Logic had begrudgingly won out, but it only added to the pile of guilt that he was harboring about the impending conversation he’d need to have with Rey. He’d rushed his mother as soon as she arrived home in the early morning hours, but she had precious little to tell him.

He spent the rest of the night barely sleeping. The light of day woke him, and he set about pacing, wearing a track in the front lawn as he waited for Rey to come home. He  _ needed _ to speak with her, needed to know that everything would be fine— that  _ they  _ were fine. When he finally saw her pull into the driveway, he wanted nothing so much as to rush to her side and start to explain. The discouraging shake of her head had been enough to nix that idea. So, he waited and waited and waited. He kept checking his watch incessantly, thinking she’d have to come out and speak with him. Had it only been an hour? His patience and his nerves were worn to the barest thread and at last his restless agitation won out. Ben stepped over the fence and went to the backdoor where he hesitated just for a moment before rapping smartly. He tried to control his urge to pace again as he heard the shuffling inside.

The door creaked open and Rey peeked her head out to look at him. Her eyes were red and the dark circles that had started to take permanent residence under them were deeper and more shadowed than normal. “Ben, I- I don’t really have time to talk right now.”

“Please, Rey, just let me explain,” he said in a rush, running his hand through his hair.

Her voice was guarded as she furtively glanced inside the house, as if deciding something, and then stepped outside, pulling the door closed behind her. “Okay, please explain. Explain how I was gone for a day,  _ a day _ , Ben, and now I have an entire mess to clean up.”

“I-“ he started, but words were failing him. “You’re upset.”

At the lame ending of his statement, it was as if a levy had broken and emotion was welling out of Rey in a sudden burst. “Keen observation. Did you know that that state is sending a social worker to  _ investigate _ me, Ben?” she asked, her voice breaking. “How could you let this happen? What if they take him away and stick him in some home because they don’t think I’m good enough?” Ben tried to reach out to her, but she batted his hand away. And then some dark voice seemed to whisper in his ear, echoing her grandfather’s words to him.  _ You don’t deserve her. _

__

“Well, how was I supposed to know that he’d have an-an episode?” Ben bit back defensively. “That’s something you should have  _ told _ me.”

Rey closed her eyes, her brows digging down as she looked like she was struggling to hold something back. Her mouth turned down in a scowl and then she blew out a breath. Her features grew neutral as she regarded him, “You know what you’re right. I’m not mad at you, Ben.”

“You’re not?” he asked cautiously, not daring to believe it as every warning bell in his head went off and told him that that storm had yet to pass.

“No, I’m not. I’m mad at  _ myself _ . I should have expected this, it was-was stupid of me to think that maybe-“ and she blew out a breath. “Nevermind.”

“No, I’m actually incredibly interested to hear what you have to say,” Ben replied, his hackles beginning to rise. “What did you mean?”

“I didn’t mean  _ anything, _ ” Rey responded, her voice tight.

“What, were you just waiting for me to screw up then?” he asked, powerless to stop his words. “You said you  _ expected  _ this. Well,” and he let out a sardonic laugh,”join the club of people disappointed in me, Rey.”

“Don’t twist my words on me, Ben,” Rey hissed, shooting a look back at the door. “Not  _ everything  _ is about you. It just means-just means that I need to work harder.”

“I never  _ said _ it was about me. And work harder? Rey you need  _ help _ . That’s what you need. He’s not okay, and  _ you’re  _ not okay either,” Ben replied.

“Yeah?” she shot back. “You look after him for a couple of days and  _ suddenly  _ you’re an expert on my life? If you hadn’t noticed, I was doing  _ just fine _ on my own before you came back, Ben.”

“See that’s your problem right there,” he said and waved a hand in her direction.

“Oh, so now I’m a ‘problem’?” Rey countered sarcastically, crooking her fingers in the air around the word. “Well, I’m  _ so _ sorry to inconvenience you, Ben.” Her voice was rising and so was his as the argument continued to escalate, and right now Ben didn’t give a damn who heard them.

“No,” he said in an exasperated huff, “That’s not what I meant, and you  _ know  _ it. You always think you need to do this by yourself. But you can’t, Rey.”

“Well how would you know?” Rey yelled, “You haven’t even been here.”

“I’m here  _ now _ ,” he retorted, “And it’s obvious. Everyone but you can see it. This is  _ killing _ you, Rey. You’re barely sleeping, you’re running yourself ragged, and you’re trying to add more on top of it.”

“Well, then the solution is simple,” she said, looking away from him and her voice broke as if tears were imminent. “I just can’t take the job. Not anymore.”

“No, you don’t get to do that, Rey,” Ben said fiercely. “Not after everything.”

“And you don’t get to tell me what to do,” she replied stubbornly.

“You  _ have  _ to take this chance,” he tried to plead, “Do you want us to just be stuck here forever?”

This turned out to be the wrong thing to say, but it didn’t hit Ben until she’d stilled completely. The fight had gone out of her as if a match was being extinguished. Her voice was low as understanding washed over it, “So that’s what this was about all along, wasn’t it?”

“What are you talking about?” he asked bitterly.

She looked up at him and there was a distrustful look in her eye as she backed away toward the door, “You didn’t care about me getting this job. You didn’t actually want to help me with my grandpa. You-you don’t care at all, do you?”

“No, Rey-“ he started, sudden panic welling inside as he realized how quickly the argument had morphed into something else entirely. Ben tried once again to touch her but she was already retreating, opening the door to the house.

“You just wanted me to take the job so you could get out of Chandrila, didn’t you?  _ Didn’t _ you?”

“No!” he denied it quickly, but then his face must have betrayed him, “I mean, I don’t know. Maybe part of me thought about that, but Rey, you  _ know _ that’s not what this was about.”

“How can I believe that? You’ve done nothing but complain about being here ever since you got back, Ben. Well, nothing’s stopping you. If you want to leave so bad, then just  _ go. _ You’re good at it,” she said the last words spitefully and tried to shut the door in his face. He reached out a hand, wincing slightly as the wood of the door scraped his knuckles.

“No,” Ben replied forcefully, “I’m not leaving you. Not again.”

The anger faded from Rey’s voice again and her face was set as she said quietly, “I think-I think you really  _ need _ to leave, Ben.” She looked at the floor and tried to close the door again. He wouldn’t let her and pushed back against it. “I-I can’t deal with this right now. I have too much to think about and you’re…”

“I’m what?” he pressed on angrily, the words coming out of him despite his brain telling him he didn’t want to hear her answer.

“You’re a distraction,” she answered and then there were tears flowing freely from her eyes. She looked shocked at the admission.

“No. You’re trying to push me away, Rey,” Ben replied, his heart sinking at her words. “Just stop it. Listen to what I’m trying to tell you.”

“You’re just a dream, Ben,” she sniffled, ignoring him as she continued. “A dream of some stupid lovesick kid, and I didn’t see that until now. I wanted you to be this-this knight in shining armor for me, and I just wasn’t looking. Maybe…. Maybe if things were different, I don’t know, but they’re not so-“

“Are you-are you breaking up with me?” he asked with disbelief, the words tasting like ash.

“No!” Rey responded swiftly and then averted her eyes, “Fuck, I don’t know. I just need some space right now. I can’t think with you around, and you’re not the one who’s suffering because of it.”

“You need…space?” he echoed, his own face contorting and he felt like a wounded animal as he tried to shove past her. He wasn’t sure what he planned to do, but Ben was sure that if he could just get her to open the door, he could convince her to change her mind.

“Yes. Space. So please go, Ben. I need you to go,” she was sobbing now as she tried to push him out, her hands still braced on the door for support.

He wouldn’t budge, his bulk too much for her to move. He tried more forcefully to open the door, desperate to get inside, to keep her talking, but as he started to say, “Rey, wait, lis-“ he watched in slow motion as she drew back a leg and struck him hard on the shin. He reeled backwards, his hands coming away to clutch at his leg. “Fuck, Rey, that hurt!”

She’d slammed the door and bolted it and he could barely make out her muffled, “Go away, Ben!”

“Rey, please, sweetheart, open the door,” he cried pitifully, sinking to his knees. “Please, don’t do this.” He feebly pounded on it, but the door remained shut. He thought he could hear crying from the other side, but he couldn’t really be sure. Ben couldn’t say exactly how long he sat there, his forehead resting against the backdoor of Rey’s house, but eventually he felt a gentle tug on his arm. He turned around, eyes reddened and swollen and looked to see his mother by his side. She was attempting to pull him away —albeit not successfully— away from the door.

“Come on, Benjamin, it’s-it’s time to come home,” she said, her own voice full of emotion.

He let himself be led away as he felt himself weakly protest, “But-“ 

It wasn’t until they’d crossed over the fence and were nearly to the stoop that he let himself feel the frustration inside. That stoop where he’d sat with her  _ thousands  _ of times over the last twenty years. He broke away from his mother and turned to the trash cans sitting by the side of their house and aimed a particularly vicious kick at them before letting out a howl of anguish, from physical or emotional pain he couldn’t be entirely sure. He stepped wordlessly past his mother and practically sprinted up the stairs to his bedroom. If she wouldn’t listen to what he had to say, maybe he could just send her a note. He frantically scrambled at his desk, knocking pens over the place as he tried to find a piece of paper. He hastily scribbled something onto it, folding it into the familiar shape and went to his window.

But her curtains were drawn. And her window was shut.

* * *

Rey’s window stayed shut for the next week. She was mysteriously absent from the outdoor world; he hadn’t even seen her so much as come collect the mail. When he asked Lando when she was working, he’d given him the run around before his Uncle said, “Sorry kid, I gave her the week off.”

At the end of several days of estrangement between them, Ben was desperate to talk to her, to smooth things over. The only hint that she was alive was the sight of an unfamiliar car in the Palpatine driveway and a young woman entering and leaving several hours later. After a few days of moping, his dad pushed him to go back to the shop. That made it even harder to find a time to catch Rey and he was visibly distracted. He’d tried calling her and texting her, but there was no response to any of his messages. Even after Ben got the news that all charges against him had been dropped, there was nothing but radio silence from Rey.

He was in the middle of drafting another long-winded apology from behind the shelter of an SUV raised on the hoist when a large clap on his back startled him. He jumped and nearly sent his phone flying as his father asked innocently, “Still not talking to you, huh?”

Ben recovered, placing a hand over his pounding heart and shot a dirty look at Han. He breathed a sigh of frustration out before saying hotly, “No.” And then his face dropped and the sadness he’d been burying under layers of anger seeped in, “I’ve tried, but she’s just being so…. difficult. If I could  _ just  _ get her to listen to me, I know I could fix this.”

“Mm,” Han said, looking up at the undercarriage of the car. “Sounds like a real dilemma. Can you hand me that socket, thirteen millimeter?”

Ben gave his father a look before picking up the requested tool and shoving in his direction. “A dilemma?” he deadpanned, wanting this conversation to be over with already.

Han’s head cranked upwards, focusing on some part or other, “Have you tried sending her flowers? Flowers usually do the trick. Women love flowers.”

Ben blinked at his father, surprised into silence. He found his voice again, irritation evident, “Flowers? Are you joking? And since when did you become an expert on what women want?”

“Years of practice, kid,” Han replied with a wink, turning his head to take in his son. “Besides, don’t you ever wonder how I managed to get out of the doghouse all these years?”

“Not really,” Ben huffed, “Besides, since when did  _ flowers _ ever fix things between you and mom? You still fought again the next day or the next week. I didn’t see flowers stop any of that.”

Han sighed, stepping back and setting the socket wrench back on the stand next to his workstation. He looked seriously at Ben for a moment before saying, “The flowers don’t  _ fix _ the problem, kid. They just open the door a bit.” Ben rubbed his hand through his hair. This conversation was becoming more exasperating by the second. Han regarded him for a moment before shaking his head and turning back to his work, “So have you thought about what you’re going to say?”

“Uh,” Ben started, trying to put together the words. Of course, he’d  _ thought  _ about it. He’d done nothing  _ but  _ think about it for the last week. But putting something coherent together that would fix everything they’d said to one another was an entirely different prospect.

“So, no. Alright, kid, let’s start at the beginning. Did you listen to her?” Han prodded, and Ben looked at him indignantly.

“Of course, I listened to her,” he responded crossly.

“Okay, and what did she say?”

Ben was going to shoot back a retort but thinking about his fight with Rey swiftly quenched his anger. He cleared his throat before saying quietly to the floor, “She said that I didn’t care about her, that I was just using her to get out of this town. She told me to go, and that I was…. That I was good at leaving.”

“Okay, so you at least heard the words coming out of her mouth,” came his father’s response, sounding slightly annoyed. And what right did  _ he _ have to be annoyed? “That’s a good start. But what was she  _ saying _ ?”

“What do you mean, what was she  _ saying _ ?” Ben questioned. “I  _ told _ you what she said. What more is there?”

Han paused again, this time coming completely out from under the hoist. “Come on,” he beckoned for Ben to follow him to the little back office. Han sat down and pulled out a bottle of whiskey, setting it down on the desk with a couple of dirty glasses. He blew out a bit of dust from one and rubbed it on his messy jumpsuit before shrugging and setting it back down. He did a strong pour into each and pushed one towards Ben. Ben for his part picked it up and looked curiously at his father. Han gestured at the glasses, “Now don’t leave me hanging; have a drink with me, kid.”

Ben nodded and sipped on the whiskey. It was the good stuff; he’d nicked enough of it over the years to know. Han tipped his backwards in one gulp and then gave Ben a long look. “You know, I wonder sometimes if we didn’t prepare you very well for the real world.”

“What do you mean?” Ben asked, taking another tepid sip.

“I mean, we gave you good values and all that, or at least we tried to, but we weren’t really  _ there _ for you. Not like you needed us to be, anyway. We were both damned selfish, and maybe that wasn’t the best example for a kid. There were…a lot of broken pieces and you got caught in the middle,” Han said regretfully.

“Dad?”

“What I’m trying to say, kid, is that you might be a damn sight too much like your old man for your own good,” his father continued. “Did you never wonder why your mom and I aren’t going at it like cats and dogs anymore?”

In truth, Ben  _ had  _ wondered that. Ever since he’d gotten home, maybe even before that, he’d noticed how…peaceful his childhood home had become. His parents still bickered, but the days of the screaming matches followed by tense, silent standoffs were gone. In fact, in the three or four months since he’d come back, he hadn’t seen or heard a single argument. Now that he looked back it almost felt glaringly obvious.

“I always assumed it was because….I left,” Ben admitted and threw back the whiskey, feeling as though he understood why his father had deemed it necessary for this conversation.

Han snorted and then sighed, “No, it wasn’t anything you did. Trust me, we would have still fought whether you were there or not.”

“So, then what changed?” Ben asked as his father measured out another pour of whiskey for them both. The first was already starting to help ease the tension between the two.

“Therapy,” Han said flatly, and Ben let out a laugh. “I’m serious,” his father continued, his eyes crinkling as he smiled. “Lots and  _ lots _ of therapy. We’ve been doing marriage counseling for about five or six years now. Took about that long for me to finally pull my head out of my ass, but don’t tell your mother that.”

“Why did you start going?” Ben probed, the whiskey already loosening his tongue.

His father looked uncomfortable, and suddenly it was immediately clear why it had taken Han  _ that  _ long in counseling. Ben wondered that he’d made it through one session in the first place. “Well, you see, your mother and I, well…We had to have a long talk when you stopped coming home. It led to a pretty bad fight—worst one yet, actually—and it was like years of things we weren’t saying came out. Your mother threw around the ‘D’ word and we ended up in therapy the next week.

“Next thing I know, we were talking about our own parents and how that ‘affected our parenting style’,” Han said, chuckling as if remembering something fondly. “We had to learn things like ‘open and honest communication’ and a bunch of other therapy mumbo-jumbo. But it worked out in the end, more or less.”

“More or less,” Ben echoed.

“Anyways, what I’ve been trying to say is that you’re probably not gonna be great at this whole ‘communicating’ thing —God knows I wasn’t, and we both know who you take after— but that sometimes it’s not about the words the other person is saying, but what they’re really trying to tell you,” Han said finally.

“And what’s Rey trying to tell me?” Ben asked, but the question wasn’t directed to his father but more the room at large.

“Well, that’s a question you’re going to have to figure out for yourself,” Han replied with a shrug. “But I’ll give you something to think about. That girl lost her parents, right?”

“Yeah,” Ben nodded at the statement of fact.

“And now, she’s probably on the verge of losing her grandfather, right?” Ben nodded once more. “And here you are, going on about how much you want to leave, how you can’t stand this town — not as I say I necessarily blame you— to a girl who’s just struggling to hang on but too proud to admit it. No matter what front that kid puts up, she’s had a hell of a time of it lately. So, what do  _ you  _ think she’s trying to tell you?”

“But why couldn’t she just come out and say that?” Ben asked, frustrated. “If I just knew that, then I could-could-“

“Could what? I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but both of you are stubborn and proud as all get out, so I wouldn’t count on her making it easy for you,” Han laughed. “But sometimes what a person isn’t saying is a hell of a lot louder than what they  _ are _ , if you know how to  _ listen. _ So, you need to ask yourself, can you be the kind of man who listens to what she’s trying to tell you?” Ben went to open his mouth, but his father cut him off. “Ah, ah,  _ I  _ don’t need to hear it, kid. She does.”

Ben stood up suddenly, feeling like he’d had an epiphany. He looked at his dad who was smiling that same lopsided grin that Ben had inherited. Ben tipped the remaining whiskey into his mouth and then said hesitantly, “So. Flowers?”

“Flowers,” Han replied with a smile. “Works every time.”

And then Ben was off. It wasn’t until he was walking home, grocery store bouquet in hand that he thought this might be the most ridiculous plan he’d ever tried. He certainly  _ felt _ foolish, but nothing else seemed to be working at this point. He took a deep breath, using the long walk to clear his head and put him the right mindset. The words were all flowing now, making sense in a way that they hadn’t before.

He was ready, completely ready, when he turned the bend onto their street and saw flashing blue and red lights in the driveway next door. It brought him up short, and all thought left him except the single minded thought of  _ Rey. _ The plastic wrapped bouquet slipped from his hands and he was running as fast as his legs would carry him. He stopped, winded, at the sight of a crowd of neighbors gathering in the street. A stretcher was wheeled out of the house with Rey’s grandfather strapped to it and Rey…She was following behind.

Ben ran forward again, barreling to her side and it was as if she was too much in shock to be mad at him. He took her in his arms and looked down at her, “Rey, what’s going on? What happened?”

“My-my grandpa,” she choked out, her voice catching on a sob as tears spilled down her cheeks. “I think he had a heart attack.” And then she was pulling away at the urging of the EMT’s and loading into the back of the ambulance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so please don't shoot me. Her grandfather doesn't die here, I just want you to know that as we go into the next chapter. He's having a time of it. I won't pretend that he's ever going to be sunshine and lollipops because he does have a degenerative disease, but I'm not killing him off in the next chapter for shock value, I promise. 
> 
> Thank you so much for all of the wonderful comments over the last two chapters, and over the life of this fic. They've really helped inspire me to finish this and I hope to be able to wrap this up by September. We're almost there and I'm already working on the next chapter so I don't leave everyone in painful suspense for too long.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, this chapter still has some angst at the beginning but I think it has a very satisfying end as we go into our resolution. I ended up splitting what I had into two because I think it was a good place to end this one. And I hope it makes up for the last chapter's pain train.
> 
> Because of that, I'm debating taking the chapter count up by one, but we'll see as I write the next and (maybe) final chapter of this story.
> 
> CW  
> Description of a heart attack  
> Mentions of surgery  
> Mentions of blood

Rey sat in the waiting room of the hospital and her  _ bones _ ached with tiredness. How was it even possible to feel something in your bones? If Rey had thought she knew what exhaustion was before today, it paled in comparison. She couldn’t even really be certain  _ how  _ long she’d spent in  _ another  _ hospital, surrounded by the fetid commingling smell of antiseptic and human waste. Rey thought privately that if she never had to  _ smell _ another hospital, let alone be in one, it would be too soon. All the same, she would stay in that fluorescent lit waiting room for another  _ month  _ if it meant that her grandfather would be fine.

He wasn’t fine, though. Rey had finally felt like there was some  _ semblance _ of order in their life again in the last few days. It had been hard won. In the aftermath of her disastrous absence, her grandfather —despite not understanding why— had been even more confused than normal. It was as if his equilibrium was completely thrown off and he needed a moment to come back to center. He’d even snapped at Rey a few times and she had done her best to weather this particular storm.

At night, after her grandfather was in bed, she would sneak outside when she was sure that no one could see her and run laps around the neighborhood. The pavement would pound beneath her feet, and she tried to eke out just a little more speed with each passing circuit until she was at a punishing pace that threatened to have her double over on her lawn. Only after she felt like she might collapse, would she allow herself to come back inside, darting a glance at the Solos’ house as she did so. She knew Ben was inside, but after everything they’d said to one another...she just couldn’t face him.

There was a part of her that had tried to rebel in the beginning, to war against her own words as she’d told him that she was going to turn down the job offer for Resistance. But she’d buried that part of herself before, and she could do it again. She could sacrifice again and again and  _ again _ . She could give  _ everything  _ up. But she didn’t  _ want  _ to. Ben had been like that first day of warm weather in a frigid winter, giving a false promise of early spring. And Rey had had  _ hope _ for the first time in nearly two years, and hope had proven to be the worst poison to her peace of all. Because now it made what she knew she’d need to do even harder.

She’d typed an email to Amilyn a week ago and it sat taunting her in her unsent drafts. In it, she detailed how she regretted that she could no longer pursue the opportunity in Chicago and all the reasons she had to turn down the offer. She’d stared at it, fingers hovering over the send button, multiple times. But she hadn’t quite been able to go through with it. There was still so much want, and now it was accompanied with soul crushing guilt.

That guilt had no outlet now that she was refusing to speak to Ben. It just stayed under the surface of her skin, simmering and threatening to boil over with each passing day. She felt guilty that she’d promised Kay that she’d attend her wedding, just like she’d  _ promised _ the same to Rose. She felt guilty that she still wanted the editing job at Resistance and felt guilty that she wasn’t following through on quitting. Guilt because she’d pushed Ben away and guilt because she’d gotten involved with him in the first place. Guilt that she just couldn’t do  _ more _ .

It all brewed into a perfect storm as  _ that  _ morning started. Rey had woken up with a bad feeling. It was the kind of feeling you have before a tornado comes over the horizon to destroy a community, before a hurricane makes a violent landfall on a normally sleepy coastline, before a disaster takes your peace and shatters it. Still, she’d gone about her daily tasks in the usual fashion. Her grandfather had been averse to rousing at first, but had finally come around, grumbling as he dressed. His descent down the staircase had been slower than normal, and he’d paused several times in order to catch his breath. Rey thought absently that she’d have to check with the insurance company and see if that fancy lifting chair could be installed sooner rather than later.

She settled her grandfather into his favorite chair, trying to make sure that he was comfortable. Only when he had flicked on the television set and she was sure that he was fully engrossed in his program did she allow herself to check her phone. Much like the email draft she’d started to Amilyn, she’d been neglecting to respond to Ben’s text messages and phone calls. In her spare moments though she’d still pore over each line and character and allow herself to pine for him, pine for the possibility and the life that  _ might be.  _ The  _ maybes _ that he, and the job offer, and her friends in Chicago all presented were so tantalizing and not for the first time that week did she feel a tendril of resentment unfurl and wrap around her heart. Not for her grandfather himself, never him, but for the situation she was in and the disease that was stealing pieces of her only family away day by day.

She angrily stuffed her phone back in her pocket and set about cleaning. If she squinted, she was sure that she could see a piece of the kitchen floor that needed cleaning. Rey pulled out the mop and the bucket, the floor cleaner and the wax, determined to polish the kitchen floor to a shine that she could see herself in. This was the way of things; when life started to become too much for her conscious mind, she would bury herself instead in tasks that demanded her physical attention and relish in the pleasant ache of manual labor. She spent three hours cleaning that floor until her arms burned and her hands smelled strongly of polish. It felt good,  _ useful _ .

She prepared a light lunch and walked over to her grandfather, gently touching him to rouse him from the nap he’d settled into. He started awake, much like normal, but then he seemed to settle back into the nap as if it were difficult to keep his eyes open. She tried a little bit harder, giving him a soft little shake of the shoulder and whispered, “Come on, grandpa, it’s time to take your pills.”

This got his attention finally, and Rey waited patiently as he lifted the chair to bring himself back to a standing position. He took deep breaths as he shuffled over the freshly cleaned floor and settled at the dining room. She set the plate of food and his afternoon medication in front of him and sat on the other side waiting. Her grandfather swallowed his pills and then took a few tepid bites of the casserole she’d reheated. He let out a sigh and shoved the plate away from himself, “I just don’t think I’m very hungry today, my girl.”

“That’s okay, grandpa,” Rey said and came around to wrap an arm around his shoulders in a gentle hug. “Maybe I’ll cook Shepherd’s pie tonight; it’s your favorite.”

“That sounds nice,” he replied and gave a little grimace as he stood. She made a mental note to schedule a doctor’s appointment if her grandfather’s appetite didn’t pick up and let him hold her arm to steady himself. “I think…I need to rest.”

Rey nodded and that deep feeling of unease seemed to grow. She could hear her grandfather’s breathing grow labored as they took the few steps from the table back to the living room and by the time they reached his chair it had swelled into a fervor. “Grandpa, are you feeling okay?”

He clutched her arm tighter, his grip practically bruising the flesh there, and she looked at his face with shock. His complexion was growing wan as his free hand fluttered over his chest, and then seized at his left arm.

“Oh, god,” she heard herself say and there was a ringing in her ears as her grandfather started to sink to the floor. She did her best to guide him gently, and then, with shaking hands stroked at his face, “Grandpa, grandpa,  _ grandpa. _ ” Instinct reminded her of her phone, and she pulled it out of her pocket, swearing as her hands trembled over the three buttons on the screen. She pushed hard to call and the seconds that it dialed stretched into an eternity.

“Nine-one-one operator, what’s your emergency?” a calm female voice finally asked on the other end of the phone. Rey choked on a sob as she looked at her grandfather who was curling in on himself now. “Hello, are you there?”

“Yes,” Rey said suddenly, “My grandpa, he’s-he’s-“

“Is he conscious?” the voice asked urgently.

“Yes, I don’t know, maybe,” Rey replied, her voice shaking, “He’s on the ground. He just collapsed.”

“What’s your address?” the dispatcher pressed on. Rey rattled off her address as the dispatched said, “Okay, please stay on the line, we’re sending someone to your location.” Rey was walked through a further round of questions about her grandfather’s age, if he was breathing, how long it had been since he’d fallen, what were his symptoms, and a myriad of other queries. Rey tried to keep herself thinking straight but when the dispatcher asked for her callback number and hung up, she let herself fall down next to her grandpa. She cradled his head in her lap and shook until someone came in through the front door. Then she was being moved as a new crowd of faces swarmed around her grandfather who looked so helpless, his complexion waxy.

She was in a daze as he was loaded onto a stretcher and she followed behind. She was barely aware of someone shaking her and asking, “Rey, what’s going on? What happened?” She looked up to see Ben’s face, his features filled with concern.

Ben.

It felt like she was trying to speak around a wad of cotton as the fear of what  _ might be _ bit at her like a striking viper, and her face felt warm with tears she hadn’t known she was shedding. “My-my grandpa. I think he had a heart attack.”

Ben’s face was blank and might be filled with as much shock as hers, but he didn’t have time to offer a response before one of the EMTs touched her shoulder, “Ma’am, we need to leave. If you’re riding in the ambulance, you need to come with us now.” She nodded blankly and pulled away from Ben, completely disoriented.

The inside of the ambulance was a blur as they administered oxygen to her grandfather, ripped open his shirt and stuck wires to his chest. She couldn’t decipher half of what was being said as the EMT crew spoke rapidly around her. All she could hold onto was her grandfather’s hand as he looked up at her through half closed eyes.

“It’s going to be okay, it’s going to be okay, it’s going to be  _ okay.” _ She wasn’t sure if she was trying to comfort him or herself with the mantra as the minutes and the miles passed under the wheels of the ambulance.

When they arrived, she lurched from the ambulance to follow after the stretcher, already pushing through the double doors, but was stopped by a strong pair of hands, “Ma’am, I can’t let you go in there.”

“Why?” she squeaked out, trying to struggle past the passive but serious face of the emergency responder as her grandfather disappeared from her line of sight.

“He’s being prepped for surgery. I need you to wait and, I promise, we’re going to do everything we can to save him.” She was steered toward a waiting room. And that’s where she’d sat, and sat, and sat. She hadn’t dared to move, hadn’t dared to find something to eat, hadn’t even tried to sleep as  _ hours _ passed by her. Rey began to find patterns in the tiles of the drop ceiling, the only thing keeping her mind from wandering down a dark path. Her tears had dried after the first hour and she was only left with a hollow feeling as she watched people come and people go from the waiting room leaving her by herself.

At last a frazzled looking physician came into the waiting room and said hoarsely, “Sheev Palpatine?” Rey stood quickly as if she was in school and the teacher had called her name. The doctor nodded and took the surgical mask from her face, sitting down with a weary expression on her face. The seconds seemed to pass slower than normal while Rey waited for something,  _ anything _ . Finally, the doctor started, “He’s stable.”

Rey felt like she could finally breathe again, as if she’d spent the last several hours in the waiting room underwater and the news was the first gulp of precious oxygen in her burning lungs. But contrary to what she might have expected, she had even less patience as the doctor continued, “He’s in the ICU recovering, but I won’t lie to you, the next forty-eight hours won’t be easy.”

“Can I see him?” It was the one question she’d held onto with single-minded determination and need since the EMT had turned her away earlier. And from the doctor’s expression, Rey knew that she was in for  _ more _ waiting.

“I’m afraid not,” the surgeon said, her brow furrowed, “We had to do an emergency bypass. That kind of procedure on a man his age….well, suffice to say, that I can’t give you _ any  _ guarantees right now. The only thing we can do is give him space to rest, time and hope for the best.”

“How did this happen?” Rey asked, her voice small, “What caused it?”

The doctor gave a shrug, “In geriatric patients like this it could be anything really. Stress, changes in his routine, or even just simply old age. There isn’t a great way to tell when we’ve reached this stage, and I wouldn’t spend time dwelling on it.”

“What can I do?” Rey pressed feeling helpless and feeling like it was  _ her  _ fault. Out of the corner of her eye she could see someone familiar standing nearby but didn’t have the wherewithal to process who it might be.

“You can go home and rest yourself,” the doctor replied adamantly. “If he makes it through, he’s going to need a lot of help in recovery. There’s little point in staying here right now. I wish I had better answers, but-” the doctor ended with a tired shrug. And with that the doctor reached out and put a tentative hand on Rey’s shoulder that she guessed was supposed to be “comforting” before standing and leaving her to stare blankly ahead. Rey looked up to see Korr Sella coming towards her with that same trained sympathetic look on her face as the doctor.

“What are you doing here?” Rey asked, her eyes narrowing at the social worker.

“Duty calls,” the other woman joked lightly before clearing her throat. “I overheard enough to agree with the doctor though, Rey. I think it will be good for you to go home. But...I wouldn’t advise driving.”

“I didn’t bring my car, anyway,” Rey said thickly. And then she looked around before saying, “I can walk.”

“Rey, you’re in Indianapolis; that’s a pretty long walk.” The statement practically floored her. How had they driven so far without her noticing? “Do you have someone you can call?” Korr asked lightly. Rey took a moment to think —and of course she did—but when she pulled her phone out ready to dial Ben’s number, she was dismayed to find the device completely dead. She’d walked out of the house with  _ nothing _ ; she didn’t even have her wallet because she hadn’t needed it before  _ this  _ had happened. As if sensing the answer, Korr Sella sighed and with a slight smile said, “I could give you a ride.”

Rey looked distrustfully at the woman who she’d come to associate with hospitals and stress, “Why would you do that?”

“Because I like to help people,” Korr said finally, her normally calm façade cracking just a bit. “It sort of comes with the territory. Please, just let me drive you home.” With an almost imperceptible nod, Rey gave in and followed Korr Sella out into the hospital’s parking structure, stopping next to the cute little Corolla that the woman owned.

Rey slid into the passenger seat sullenly, the compact car smoothly rolling down the dimly lit ramps until they reached the street. It was dark and Rey for the first time glanced at the clock on the dashboard. It was late.  _ Very  _ late. It had been early afternoon when she had last been cognizant enough to recognize the time of day. Surely  _ that  _ much time couldn’t have passed, could it?

Korr was silent for the most part, only really turning on the radio to some easy listening station playing hits from the eighties and nineties. The woman was tapping on the steering wheel and mouthing the words to the songs under her breath. Rey thought that she might be a bit like her, in another life, another place where things didn’t go so horribly wrong. Rey’s bone deep fatigue felt like it might bury her, but she willed her eyes to stay awake the entire drive.

Finally, the little car settled to a stop in front of her house. Her  _ grandfather’s  _ house. And she hesitated before getting out of the car just long enough for Korr to clear her throat. Rey looked over and the woman gave her a long look before starting, “Rey, I want to tell you, so it doesn’t come as a surprise later, but... I’m going to recommend professional intervention in your grandfather’s file.”

Rey sucked in a sharp breath, suddenly remembering that this woman wasn’t her friend, but was paid to intrude on her life. “Why? I’m doing  _ everything  _ I can. I never leave his side.”

“Rey, it’s never easy to hear, and it’s certainly my least favorite part of this job, but ultimately we need to think of your grandfather. At a certain point, we need to start considering his quality of life and whether this is the right choice for him,” Korr said slowly.

“You mean, am  _ I  _ the right choice for him?” Rey replied defensively.

“No one here is blaming you, Rey,” the social worker said, “These things  _ happen _ as our loved ones grow older. And that’s why there are professionals trained to handle these types of situations and paid to help-“

“I don’t need help!” Rey said and could feel her face growing heated under the woman’s scrutiny. “I’ve given up  _ everything. _ ”

“And it’s not enough,” Korr Sella said softly, “And that’s nothing to be ashamed of. You’ve done admirably, under the circumstances, but you need to consider your choices and whether-“

“Whether what?” Rey bit out venomously.

“Whether you’re doing what’s best for him or what’s best for  _ you _ ,” the woman finished seriously. “And I’m afraid that if you won’t act in his best interest, then I’ll have to.”

Rey’s jaw dropped momentarily before her features hardened into a scowl. She searched for the handle of the car door and tried to yank it open, growing frustrated by the locked and unresponsive lever. Korr sighed and hit the button, unlocking the door with a click.

Rey tore out of the car and turned around uttering a curt, “Thank you for the ride,” before slamming it behind her and making her way up the drive and into the house. She closed the door sharply and locked it behind her and watched as Korr’s car stayed for another few minutes before slowly tooling down the quiet road.

It was only then that Rey realized how…empty the house felt. For the first time since she’d moved back home, she was the only person inside, and she shivered slightly. It was so quiet that she could  _ hear _ the silence. She could hear it in the ringing in her ears and the pounding of her heart. The rage she’d felt just minutes prior in the car didn’t subside, merely pulled back like the errant tide gathering strength to batter the shore once more.

Rey walked with unsettled steps past his favorite chair, and his television set, and the table where she’d sat with him just  _ hours _ earlier. She walked past all of that into the den that used to be his little workshop. This was the place that was the most resistant to the passing of time and the raging disease that had come like a thief in the night to take her grandfather away. She flicked the light switch and the incandescent bulb flickered to life, illuminating the room in a swathe of warm light.

She looked around at the walls where years of ships lived within their glass houses. Many of them she could remember helping to build with her  _ own _ two hands. Rey could remember the look of pride on her grandfather’s face the first time she’d pulled the little string and watched how the ship had come to life as if by magic. He’d corked it and hung  _ that  _ one in a place of honor nearby. And then there was his last ship, still largely unfinished, but sitting in the bottom of a handled jar as if he’d been testing the fit. This room was sacred and as much as she flitted about the rest of the house and tidied and organized in the last two years, she couldn’t bring herself to do more than dust this room. It was a shrine to what  _ had  _ been, and she just  _ couldn’t  _ let it go.

Rey picked up the bottle, turning it in her hands to look at the half-finished boat within and her heart clenched within her chest. 

In messy letters, painted by a hand slightly unsteady with age, read the words “Rey of Sunshine”. 

Then, as if the last tumbler in a lock had clicked,  _ everything  _ that Rey had been keeping squashed and smothered within herself for the last week —the last two  _ years _ even— spilled out. Her fingers tightened around the circumference of the bottle and her arm drew back of its own accord before sending the bottle hurtling toward a wall with an almighty  _ crash _ . She let out a shriek of fury and her hands searched for something else that she could wreck, throw, destroy.

It wasn’t  _ fair.  _ She’d sacrificed  _ everything _ . There was  _ nothing _ left to take. She’d given every part of herself to this, and her grandfather might die because of a  _ fucking heart attack. _

Rey was screaming with frustration and pushed the workbench over, sending paint and tools careening to the ground amid the shards of glass. She continued to rage, hurling anything that unfortunate enough to be within arm’s reach into the walls, shattering a few more of the ships. Their contents tumbled over the floor, released from their clear prisons. Her yells finally quieted, and she looked at the carnage of the room, her breast heaving, and felt only regret. Her legs were giving out and she sunk to the floor, crawling over the glass to pick up the little boat and clutch it to her chest. Hot tears began to tumble down her cheeks, and the sobs started small at first before building into spasms that shook her entire body.

She hardly heard the crash from the front of the house until the door of the den flew open and Ben was standing there with a wild look in his eye. Rey looked pitifully up from the floor at him and then suddenly his arms were around her as he surged forward, pulling her against his chest while he rocked her. Rey allowed herself to let go finally, crying until her throat was raw from the bawling and her eyes were sore from the tears she’d unleashed.

“Shh,” Ben said softly, stroking her hair as she finally settled, balling her hands into the front of his shirt.

“You’re here,” she mumbled softly, feeling lost.

“Of course, I’m here,” he replied, speaking the words into her hair. Then he was tripping over his words as if she might stop him if he didn’t let them pour out, “I’ve been trying to call you. You wouldn’t answer and then your phone was dead. And I went to the hospital in town and you weren’t there. And then I tried calling the ones in Indianapolis, and. God, I’ve been so worried about you. And then I heard crashing over here and I panicked and…I might have broken the door down.”

This got a weak little chuckle from her at the mental image, and she pulled back to look at his face, “You-you broke the door down?”

His chest bobbed sharply in a mirror of her laugh, “Sorry about that. I’ll fix it, I swear.”

“No, it’s okay,” Rey replied softly. “I’m-I’m glad you came.”

She unclenched her fists from the fabric of his shirt, and his eyes widened. “Fuck, Rey, you’re bleeding.” She looked vaguely in the direction of her palms and saw that they were indeed stained red. She hadn’t noticed before, but now she could see dark red spots on the front of his chest.

“I’ve ruined your shirt,” she said apologetically, and he snorted as he looked at the evidence.

“I have other shirts, Rey,” Ben said nonchalantly, pulling her to her feet. “Come on.”

Ben led her on legs that shook like a newborn foal to the bathroom where he pressed her down into a sitting position on the closed toilet seat. “Ben, what are you-“

“Shh,” was his response, “just let me take care of you.” He took her face between his hands, his thumb warm as it swept over the puffy flesh under her eyes. His eyes were all warm tenderness as he leaned forward and left a lingering kiss on her forehead. 

After a moment he pulled back and took her hands in his. Ben gently turned them palms up so he could inspect the damage and his mouth was set in a grim line. He detached himself from her only long enough to rummage around the bathroom, rifling through the medicine cabinet while uttering soft swears under his breath. Finally, he unearthed the object of his search, and opened the hard-plastic case of the first-aid kit.

The process of extracting the glass from her hands was tedious and time consuming. The only sign that Ben was affected by her grimaces of pain as he pulled each tiny shard out was the twitch of his jaw every time she jumped or winced. Finally, with a shaky breath he finished and set the tweezers down.

“Okay, this next part is going to-to sting a bit,” he said, and she nodded as he pulled out the alcohol wipes and ran them gently over her palms. Rey’s brow furrowed slightly as she tried to contain a hiss of pain. He held her hands aloft in the light and squinted as he assessed the damage now that everything was cleaned. He cleared his throat a bit, “I don’t think you’re going to need stitches.” With a crinkle of paper, he unwrapped some gauze and began to tenderly wrap a bandage around the circumference of one of her palms.

“Do you…” he trailed off as if he wasn’t sure how to ask his question. Rey watched him with tired eyes, and at her silent encouragement, he started again more confidently, “Do you want to talk about it?”

Rey pursed her lips for a moment, debating internally whether she wanted to share, but the valve that had kept all of her emotions in control was far past functioning. “I don’t know what there is to say,” she replied honestly, and then her voice cracked. “The doctors can’t tell me if he’s going to make it and…and I don’t know how I’m going to do this, Ben. He’s my  _ only _ family. When he’s….gone….I’ll be all alone.”

“You won’t be,” Ben said softly, and she looked up at him in confusion. He started again, louder this time with resolution in his voice, “You’ll never have to be alone, Rey. Because…because you’ll have  _ me _ .”

“Ben?”

He sucked in a breath, his fingers pausing before locking his eyes on hers with a tentative look. His voice was almost shy as he asked, “Do you remember when you asked me if I left any broken hearts in New York?”

She did, but only just; it had been a throwaway line she’d used  _ months  _ ago now. She’d just been teasing him, and hadn’t even meant anything by it. But she gave a small nod to him all the same.

“Well,” and it looked like he was struggling to find the right words. He turned his attention back to wrapping her hands to mask his embarrassment, “Shit, I was going to do this differently. Flowers or something, but-“

“It’s okay, Ben,” she said encouragingly, and he chuckled at  _ her  _ comforting  _ him. _

He nodded and kept his attention firmly on the task at hand as he began again, “Well, when I said I didn’t, I wasn’t lying, but….I didn’t tell you everything. Not the whole truth.”

“And what is the whole truth?” she implored him to continue, not sure where this conversation was going.

Ben finished wrapping her second hand and darted his eyes to the ceiling. With nothing else to distract him now, he looked at her once more, “The truth is… The truth is that I couldn’t leave a broken heart in New York because…”

“Because?”

“Because I left it here,” he said in a rush and her eyes widened a bit, “It was mine. I kept looking for pieces of you in New York, and I thought-” his face pinched a bit at the admission, “I thought maybe I could fill the hole you’d left behind but…. Nothing worked.”

He took her face in his hands again, now more serious than she’d ever seen him, “I won’t lie to you; of course, I want to leave this town someday, but…”

“But, what?” Rey asked, breathless as her heart pounded. She wondered if Ben could feel her pulse racing under the hand that rested against her neck.

“But I’ve tried running away without you, and my life was empty, Rey,” he replied, and she could see the wetness that threatened to gather on his lashes. He blinked furiously, pausing to collect himself. His thumb absently stroked over her bottom lip as he tried to say more strongly, “So, what I’m trying to say is…Is that wherever you are, that’s where I belong. Whether that’s here or Chicago or, I don’t know, fucking Timbuktu, I don’t care. You….you never have to worry about me leaving you, Rey.”

Her breath caught in her throat as he caught her eye, and then he was kissing her, or she was kissing him. She couldn’t be sure who’d initiated it as tears streamed down her face or maybe his. It wasn’t the kind of kiss that was frenzy and passion. It was the kind of kiss that was a soft, unspoken promise. And all she knew was that when he kissed her like  _ this _ , she felt like she’d finally found her home. Eventually they pulled away from one another, and she rested her cheek against his shoulder. The exhaustion she felt now was practically overwhelming. His chin was perched on the crown of her head, his hand moving to stroke her back gently.

Then without warning, she was moving. One of his arms threaded under her legs to hold her tightly to his chest as he stood up in the cramped confines of the small bathroom. She let out a little cry of surprise at this sudden shift and realized he was carrying her towards her bedroom. She gave a weak protest, “Ben, I can walk.”

“I know,” he said simply, not letting her down as he pushed the door open with his back. He gently deposited her on the soft surface of her bed and worked the blanket out from under her, drawing it over top of her prone form. “You should-you should get some rest now,” Ben said, his face still filled with a tender regard. “It’s late.”

As he turned to leave, her hand darted out to catch his wrist, “Wait.” He stopped and looked at her as she found the words that she needed to ask, “Can you…. Can you stay with me, Ben…and-and help me forget for a little while?”

She watched as his lip trembled slightly at her words and then he nodded and toed off his shoes. Ben lifted the corner of the comforter and she awkwardly scooted over as he tried to maneuver his long limbs into the twin bed.

Finally getting comfortable, he molded himself around her, his arms pulling her in securely to his chest. As Rey listened to the quiet sure sound of his breathing, she felt for the first time in a long time something resembling peace. And with that she let exhaustion win, closing her eyes to drift into a deep and dreamless sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, just a few more ends to tie up to make this story complete. I hope you enjoyed these two babies finally figuring it out together. Thank you all so much for the wonderful comments on the last chapter, I appreciate them so much.

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on The Twitter™ [here](https://twitter.com/_RamboBrite_). I post fanart, chapter announcements and other Reylo content.


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